Some Distant Day
by Ardala91
Summary: She was the bodygaurd to the Crown Prince, but after the seige of the North she is on her own. Will she follow her duty or break it? Note: Does not change the canon of the show, including romantic couples.
1. My Name and Oath

Chapter One: 

My Name and Oath

* * *

"_Name is a fence and within it you are nameless_."

-Samuli Paronen

* * *

Most stories begin with a polite introduction that custom dictates. Usually with a name but I have two choices to go by. People usually keep the name that was given to them by their parents.

I had one of those once.

It would probably be best if I didn't write it down, lest if eyes read this that should not. It would be dangerous for me only mostly.

I think I'll begin with a story that will eventually lead to where I am now. Agni forbid that anyone should read this. I hope I am dead by now if you are. This is for me. Not for you or anyone in particular. Perhaps it is a pathetic attempt at some way to express myself or merely a way to leave some trace of myself.

The Fire Nation is the most powerful nation in the whole world and is beginning to bring a close to the hundred year war. As a child of the Fire Nation, one is raised to accept and not to question, especially the war. We believed that it would make the world a better place.

I was born into a minor noble family of no outwardly great importance. For certain clear reasons I will disclose from writing the family name. My father is a firebender. My mother is a firebender. My older sister and younger brother are. Father is of minor rank in the military. Mother was the perfect wife from I remember as my sister Narimi was a promising firebender and Koun was the heir.

That is why I was chosen.

It's a long a dreary history but in the simplest terms my mother came from a family of bodyguards. There is an obscure society of them who are the most elite and trained from childhood. Mother's family was apart from it except for a child from every generation. This child is forgotten but they will follow the greatest honor that the family has had for generations. Protecting the Fire Lord himself.

Or his heir. Any direct male heir in general really, the Royal family has never been very large. One child is picked and will guard him for the rest of their lives. The ultimate privilege among the Society, (that is what they call it anyways for it doesn't really have a name.) The child is raised in training and between the ages of inanition they are rewarded their full status by the Guardian, the leader of the Society. Well, there is that background, but wait, I get to bore myself by writing more! Not that there is much else to do around here and my stomach still bothers me after all this time….

Ugh.

Moving on.

My name is Nira.

That is the name I was given when I entered the Society. My memory is rather blurred and fragmented but I can recall it being dark…

* * *

_A warm hand held my own as we walked down a silent corridor. We entered a shadowed room lit by one single dying fire. A hooded man stood in front of it. Frightened, I huddled against the person who held my hand. The larger hand squeezed mine comfortingly._

"_Is this her?" a masculine voice asked jadedly from the hooded figure._

"_Yes," a feminine voice responded. I strained my head to look up at the strained face of my mother._

"_Where is the father?" the man asked sharply._

"_Asleep. He doesn't know yet."_

_I was exhausted and tried in vain to pay attention. My eyelids were heavy and my confusion at their peculiar dialogue distant. The hooded man still scared me._

_Mother gave me a gentle nudge forward and my sleepy eyes widened at the dark eyes that analyzed my own. The face was mid-aged with heavy lines, a longer nose, and a tight mouth. His face was one that you could pass by one the streets and never think twice about. It was his eyes that were alive, unlike his face, shrewd with a keen intelligence. Dark, grey streaked hair was pulled back tightly from his scalp. A callused hand grabbed my chin as he tilted my head from side to side. "We should have taken her when she was younger," he stated bluntly, "but she will do."_

_For what? I wondered, what was going on? _

"_How old is she exactly?" he asked as if I were a product for sale and he the buyer._

"_Five," my mother replied in a heavy voice._

"_She's small for her age," he remarked, "I was informed she cannot bend…?"_

"_That's correct."_

"_How unfortunate," he murmured, more to himself then to my mother. "A pity but she will only have to be stronger."_

_I attempted to turn my head to look at my mother's as I heard her speak but the man's hand kept my head still. "Her name is-"_

"_Not important," the man cut her off harshly. "She is not going to be your child anymore. You know this. She died and you will forget her." The man raised himself to his feet and took my hand in his own. He started to leave for the door and tried to pull away. _

"_Mom!" I cried looking at the defeated face of my mother. …what..._

_The man dragged me out of the room as I screamed and tried to fight. The last glimpse I had of my mother was of head turned away with her dark curtain of hair hiding her eyes. _

_Strong arms picked me up and a hand clamped down over my mouth. I kicked and struggled and that hand covered my nose. The lack of oxygen made my head spin as I went limp with defeat. The man carried me in his arms as he walked with quick strides. "Are you going to stay silent now?" he asked irritated._

_I turned my head away and nodded weakly. Tears crept down my cheeks in my devastation. Why hadn't mom stopped him? Would father come save me?_

_We exited out into the cool air of the night. I was lifted into the air and set down carefully on the back of a Komodo Rhinoceros. The man pulled himself up behind me and arms went around me to grab the reins. Strong muscles began to move underneath the leather saddle as the Komodo Rhinoceros began to move quickly. I looked up at the sky and wanted to wail for my mother. The stars were dark. _

"_You should sleep," the man said abruptly, "We have many hours ahead of us."_

"_Where are we going? I want to go home!" I cried with all the power a five year old can._

"_Silence!" he barked, his voice became calmer, and "We are going to the center of the Society."_

"_What's the-"_

"_You will learn soon enough," he interrupted me, "My name is Keitaro, but you will address me as Master Keitaro._

"_When can I go home?" I wailed._

_Keitaro sighed. "You can't," he said slowly, "You must forget everything, your kin and even who you were."_

* * *

That day occurred over eleven years ago. I still remember the boat that carried us away from my home. The Fire Nation is a chain of islands and we left the one I had always dwelled on for another. I was homesick for the longest time and I stubbornly refused to go by my new name. Eventually I fell in with the novices I trained with and began to forget my old life.

Novices are trained in their age group till they are nine years of age. From then on they are traditionally trained by one master till they gain their as a full bodyguard. The center is hidden and safe from the outside world. The Society is led by the Guardian and there are the masters who train. The rest go out and serve whoever they are assigned to by the Society.

A bodyguard is to master their arts, usually firebending, hand-to-hand combat, other forms of combat, stealth, to read lips and memorize things to the minute detail, and such. In my case learning about having a network of information was critical for I would one day serve in the Royal Court itself. Master Keitaro stressed my fighting education to the max since I was not a firebender for most bodyguards are. _"You're greatest weakness,"_ he said to me once with humorless, _"You would have been a great firebender with your stubbornness."_

As a bodyguard the center is the closest thing you have to a home and the Society is the closest resemblance to a family. You can't have these things though for they are only a distraction. All energy and thought must be dedicated to the protection of your charge. No attachments, not even your charge. Their welfare, physically and mentally is your concern, so they may be close to you, but not **you** to them.

Training was difficult and Master Keitaro was my teacher. He was a hard man to train under but it was worth for he is one of the best teachers in the Society. The first time I met my charge was when I was six years old, only a year after I had come to the Society. It was merely a ceremonial meeting to swear an oath of fealty, which I would swear again when I would truly enter his service.

* * *

_We had traveled by boat for hours making my stomach still tremble even after being on land for an hour. Much to my master's distaste I had proven myself to get seasick quite easily which he had discovered on our first boat trip together. One thing that even made him more furious was my claustrophobia, however minor, which he did try to cure and would try to do so any more times._

_My clothes were stiff and a dark maroon color that reminded me of rotten apples. Master Keitaro walked beside me as I looked up at him with impatient six-year old eyes. My small legs walked three paces to his every step. The corridor was long and tall with gleaming red paint. Fire burned from hanging burners every few meters._

"_This way Nira," Keitaro ordered suddenly, pushing my body shoulder through a forbidding door. Sunlight greeted my eyes as I walked into a small courtyard. One massive and breathtaking tree that was crooked with age and blooming red leaves stood at its center. I could _

_see patches of the burning sky above and I breathed more easily as I felt more open space. I had nearly panicked inside the palace for we had traveled mostly through servant routes. The courtyard's stone was designed in the shape of a flame surrounding the tree in many hues of red and gold. On a low bench in front of the tree a beautiful women sat in grand attire. When she looked at us a warm smile decorated her face. _

"_Zuko, come here," she called fondly. A young boy not much older than me jumped down from the tree's branches. I knew Keitaro would later berate me at not noticing his presence there. I was supposed to notice things like that._

_I took in a quick breath with my small chest. It was __him__. My charge._

_Over the last year I had been raised to understand who my charge was. One day he could rule the Fire Nation, assuming nothing happened to the other heirs. Golden eyes looked directly at me curiously before they moved on to Keitaro. His face was angular but still round with childhood. His dark hair was bound in a top knot and his royal garb showed wear from recent play. He stood beside his now standing mother._

_My knees shook._

"_Keitaro, what a pleasure it is to meet you again," the princess said sincerely. She looked down at me. "Is this her?"_

"_Yes, Your Highness," Keitaro replied with a reverent bow which I copied. "I am glad to find you looking well."_

_A flash of humor entered the princess's eyes. "Well, shall we get it over with then?" she asked simply. A calm hand touched her son's shoulder as she leaned down to whisper in his ear._

_I couldn't read lips yet._

_The young prince frowned as he looked at me again._

"_Go over to him Nira," Keitaro ordered quietly, "Just as I taught you, alright?"_

_Feeling as if I would let the food from my stomach come up and shame myself I hesitantly walked over to the prince. I kneeled down on the warm stone and kept my head down._

_I could feel his eyes on me._

_With perfect recitation I swore my oath. Keitaro had drilled me for months and I knew it by heart, though many of the large words I didn't understand. I raised my eyes._

_And held my breath._

_The prince was looking at his mother who gave him a waiting glace. "Err…I thank you for your service and I know that…." He paused but his voice became stronger as he remembered, "You will serve me well." His eyes looked at mine. "Rise…"_

_It hit me as quick as lightening. _

_He didn't know my name!_

_I felt like laughing but I imagined Keitaro's lectures afterwards and getting punished. Las time I had broken conduct I had stood out in the rain for hours…I decided against it. "Nira," I whispered._

_His eyes thanked me. "Nira," he finished loudly._

_I stood up and bowed low. I kept my eyes down. Keitaro came next to me and bowed. "Till next year then, Your Highness?" he asked the princess._

"_Yes, I think it is a good idea," her musical voice answered, "It was nice to meet you Nira."I almost smiled but was too nervous to look at her. "Zuko?" _

"_It was good to meet you," he said quickly. _

"_Goodbye Keitaro," the Princess announced formally. _

"_Best of health to you and your family," he responded respectfully with another low bow. As before I did the same. He touched me shoulder and I followed him out of the courtyard without looking back._

* * *

After that meeting I would go once a year to spend several days at the Royal Palace. The idea was for me to learn their surroundings and to familiarize myself with my charge. At first the prince tried to befriend me but I was too distant and formal as I should be. Needless to say he eventually gave up his futile efforts.

I had the distinct honor of meeting his younger sister and her closest companions. The young princess was different from her brother, more like her father what I had learned about him. She was a potential threat to my charge. She was brilliant; a prodigy of a firebender, but at the same time there was a certain air of ruthlessness about her.

I kept my distance and she ignored me.

My charge came to ignore me too, finding there was not much talking or playing with me at all. The only one who never gave up was the princess's close companion Ty Lee. She was energetic, friendly, and rather annoying at times. She always tried to socialize with me. Her acrobatic skills did impress me though now that I recall. The princess's other companion was a quiet girl named me. She kept to herself like I did.

I liked her.

Princess Ursa, my charge's mother, I only saw briefly till she disappeared. I don't know how or why it happened but it left my charge changed somehow. I guessed he missed her. She had reminded me of my own mother...

I never met his uncle until later which is another story for another time.

In brief, the age of initiation is from fourteen to usually sixteen years of age. I waited for the day when I would at last take my place as a bodyguard. I would honor what I had been trained for. I dreamed of being the best in history of the Society. Childish hopes that are so easily fractured and destroyed, especially the ones that you clung to secretly that gave you hope.

As the prince's bodyguard I would dwell at the Royal Court when he did. My family was nobility, however minor, they could come there. When they did, I would be there. That single flame burned inside of me ever since it's realization in my early years of training.

I would get to see my mother again.

My father.

Narimi.

Koun.

But dreams are easily taken away by reality, which I would eventually discover before my initiation.

Everything would change.

* * *

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar or any of its creations. This is merely a fanwork with come characters of my own creation.

Thanks for reading! I hope everyone enjoyed it and reviews would be amazing, especially any pointers to fix the story so far!


	2. The Beginning and The End

Chapter Two:

The Beginning and The End

* * *

"_Every beginning is a consequence - every beginning ends something". _-Paul Valery

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

Here I am again. It's only been a day since I wrote last. I'm not used to writing, at all really. I've never kept a journal or anything of it's like before. There is one more story to tell now. It's of when I first met General Iroh and how my charge's life, and mine, was forever changed…

* * *

_It was early in the morning with the sun's pink hands just beginning to touch the purple ocean. It was a beautiful morning. I was out in the outside training yards. The ground was course sand and there was no shade from any trees. There were narrow posts going in several rows of different heights to my left. In front of me there were several different fences of different heights. I was going through my usual morning exercises. It was at these moments, when the sun's warmth was on me and I was practicing my stances that I wished I was a firebender. Everyone else who'd protected the Royal Family before me had been firebenders and my kin. I would soon turn fourteen and was anticipating in finally gaining my rank. Hopefully they would give it to me soon. If they did, I would be youngest in several generations to achieve it. _

_I heard the crunching of quick feet on the sand and turned at the familiar footsteps. Keitaro was dressed in his usual neutral dark garb. His face had grown older over the last few years but his manner had not changed at all. His face was perfectly calm for he was an expert at hiding his emotions. I was not unfortunately. I still had much to learn, but I did notice something was wrong for his dark eyes were afire. I stopped and bowed._

"_Nira," he said emotionlessly, "You are to travel to the Royal, Palace within the hour. The Crown Prince is to fight in an Agni Kai later this day."_

_It took several moments for the impact of his words to make sense in my head. An Agni Kai? My charge? In all the names of the spirits! I tried to keep my voice steady as I asked, "What prompted this? Who is his challenger?"_

_Keitaro's eyes narrowed. "I don't know."_

"_Will you come with me Master?"_

_Keitaro's eyebrow twitched. "If you wish it, I will come."_

_As always the boat trip made me nauseous, but I arrived at the Royal Palace in one piece, albeit sweaty and gross in my formal wear. Keitaro walked next to me as we walked down a dark and shuddering closeted servant's corridor. We always went through their halls, never the public _

_ones, though I had learned them well. Anticipation quaked through me as I tried to get a strangle hold on my emotions. I should be able to control them!_

_We exited through a discreet door and harsh firelight entered my eyesight. The room we entered was huge with high ceilings and tall pillars surrounding a narrow platform in its center. Many people were in the room in a massive blur of red and loud voices. They were mostly military officials and nobility. Keitaro nudged my shoulder and I followed him as he unnoticeably weaved through the crowd. I halted a few feet away as I saw him bow his head as he stopped by an older man. The man was shorter and more solid in build. His face was starkly lined and his grey hair was half in a top knot. Dark golden eyes looked in my direction as Keitaro spoke to him. The man's face was tense with emotion. I spotted the familiar symbol of our country in his hair, but his was the mark of the Royal Family. Was this General Iroh, the ex-crown prince, the older brother of the Fire Lord himself?_

_I couldn't hear their words, but I had learned how to read lips. "Your Highness," Keitaro greeted him, "We are here for the Crown Prince." His eyes flickered towards me. "She is the young prince's bodyguard." _

_General Iroh nodded in my direction. "I wish we were meeting under better circumstances, Keitaro." _

"_Who is his challenger?"_

_Iroh's eyes hardened. "He wanted to go to a war meeting and I let him. He spoke out, even though…"_

"_Who is he fighting Iroh?" Keitaro demanded. I was too worried at the time to notice how familiar he was with him._

"_The Fire Lord."_

"_Thank you, Your Highness," Keitaro murmured with a small bow. He departed from Lord Iroh and came over to me. He looked at my face. "There is nothing you can do, young one. He must face this on his own."_

_I looked away. What kind of bodyguard can't protect their own charge? The prince would have to fight his own father, how he could possibly win! I watched with fascinated horror as I saw him stride down the platform. His face was brave. He turned around with the banner of the Agni Kai falling to the ground from his shoulders. Realization slapped his face with wide horror when he saw his opponent. He froze._

_I felt sweat trickle down the back of my neck._

"_Please, father, I only had the fire nation's best interest at heart!" my charge pleaded, trying to explain to his father, "I'm sorry I spoke out of turn!" _

_The Fire Lord spoke with a chilling voice, one I had never heard before. I had never seen or heard the man before. In that moment, I wanted to strangle my own sovereign. "You will fight for your honor," he commanded coldly. _

_The prince prostrated himself on the ground before his father. "I meant you no disrespect," he continued desperately, "I am your loyal son."_

"_Rise and fight, Prince Zuko!" The Fire Lord responded, his voice becoming furious._

"_I won't fight you," my charge said defiantly. Brave filled me for my charge, but his decision at the same time was…_

_His father advanced towards him menacingly. "You will learn respect, and suffering will be your teacher." The prince raised his tear stained face and then…_

_I closed my eyes. His scream echoed in my ears, ringing with raw pain and anguish_…

* * *

That was over two years ago. After that the Fire Lord banished him from the Fire Nation. The only was he could return home with honor would be to capture the Avatar. The Avatar is dead though. He was killed with the Airbenders at the beginning of the war over a hundred years ago. The Avatar cycle is broken. My charge clung to the hope that the Avatar escaped and he has hunted the world for him. We will never go home. I followed him of course without swearing my formal oath, untrained and unready for this. I was supposed to protect him at court, not on some miserable ship with a band of soldiers and Lord Iroh!

…Luckily Lord Iroh volunteered to come with him. The prince needs him, not that he knows it. The prince has changed greatly. He is colder, more distant, if anything his manner reminds me of a bodyguard, except for his temper. It is my duty to serve him no matter what, even if we are chasing ghosts. I sincerely hope that I am wrong and that the Avatar is alive. Then we could go home. I could see…it doesn't matter.

I did earn my rank as a bodyguard, just not in the way I had expected. I finally got to meet the Guardian before I left the center for forever…

* * *

_I walked up the stairs silently in disbelief. We would be leaving the Fire Nation tomorrow. I had not seen my charge yet since the duel. This was the last day I would be here, worst yet we would be on a military ship, small, cramped, and being rocked by the waves. I shuddered openly. _

_I reached the top of the stairs and looked at the top of the western wall of the center, which is where I stood. The sun was setting in a red fire. The stones of the long walkway were a dying grey shade in the light. Meters ahead of me a figure leaned against the wide stone railing watching the sunset. I stopped. _

_The figure turned around and I had to hide my surprise. Whenever I'd imagined the Guardian, it had been of a wizened old man, not a young woman who might only be fifteen years older than me. Her light golden eyes were nonchalant as a predator's when she looked at me. Her eyes were strange, there was knowledge that shouldn't be there, her eyes made me feel as if I was with Master Keitaro. Her dark hair was cut short which was peculiar and her clothing was midnight colored, but simple. Even with all that strangeness I could see how beautiful she was and the power that emanated from her. She almost reminded me of Princess Azula. _

"_You can come stand by me," she stated soothingly, "I don't bite." _

_I approached her carefully. She was the leader of the Society?_

_She laughed suddenly. "I know what you're thinking. 'She's too young to be the Guardian!' I've been the Guardian for some time, just to let you know." _

_I didn't reply._

_The Guardian sighed. "You're quiet, just as you are supposed to be…you can speak freely with me though."_

_At that, I openly gaped at her. All the masters at the Society demanded the proper respect and most students did not speak freely, in fact we were taught not to. She smiled reassuringly at me._

"_Do you see that dark stone down there, in the yard below us?" she asked with a gesture of her hand. _

_She was pointing towards the Honor Stone, a tall black pillar inscribed with the names of the greatest of the Society. Many of my kin were on there. _

_I nodded._

_She folded her arms and looked at it thoughtfully. "The last person to have their name on there was your cousin, did you know that?"_

_I shook my head._

"_His name was Reizo," she continued, "He was the bodyguard of Iroh. You remind me of him…I've observed you over the last few years."_

_I wondered at what she was trying to get at. She was the Guardian after all, so she wouldn't be talking to me about this unless it was important._

"_I'm going to tell you a story," she stated without looking at me. "Reizo was a great bodyguard, calculating and completely focused when he had to be. Even he broke the rules…most of the Society doesn't know that. He had attachments where he shouldn't have had." Surprise caught me at this for I had heard of Reizo, but never this before. How did she know any of this? "He was friends with his charge, they were like brother's and he even treated his charge's son like his own. Reizo even married, secretly, another bodyguard he had loved since childhood." _

"_Married?" I blurted out suddenly. I felt my cheeks blush, but still, what kind of story was this?_

_The Guardian raised a single eyebrow. "So you can talk," she murmured. "Yes, married. His wife died in childbirth, a lucky thing for her considering she would have been cast out of the Society in shame at the least."_

"_The child?" I asked, unable to keep my own interest silent._

_The Guardian picked at her nails for a moment before she answered. "A girl. Reizo could not come forward openly. He came to the current Guardian at the time and confessed the child was his. The Guardian kept it a secret for him and had the child raised in the Society."_

_The Guardian looked up at me with serene eyes. "Reizo even trained his own daughter and she grew up side-by-side with his charge's son. When she was old enough, she became his bodyguard." _

"_And?" I prodded, wanting to hear more._

_The Guardian smiled. "Reizo's charge was General Iroh remember, and his son died at the siege of Ba Sing Sae. The girl was in love with his son and knew Reizo was her father. Both were in danger and she sought to protect them both. All three of them died."_

_My eyes widened. What kind of story was that? _

_The Guardian gave me a cryptic smirk. "You have great potential like Reizo did, but remember where attachments lead. That is your final lesson."_

_I gave her a blank stare._

"_That means you can go now," she said bluntly._

"_Oh…but am I…do I have…?" I wasn't one to stammer usually. I mean it._

_She chuckled. "Yes, yes, you're a bodyguard now. Good luck Nira."_

_I turned to leave but her voice stopped me. "You will return here," she said matter-of-factly. Her eyes were placid. "Now go."_

* * *

That was the first and hopefully last time I meet the Guardian. She was an unusual person to say the least. I left the center, alone, and have been that way for the last two years here on this ship. The prince believes this is the only way to restore his honor…I will always follow him. He is my charge. In the time since his duel, he is so changed from who he was once, he acts more like me in his emotional coldness at times. Ironic enough to make me laugh. Almost. Except for the sadness of it brings me back to reality.

We went to all the Air Temples, which were only relics of a massacre. I still remember their sad beauty and for the first time I questioned my own Nation's actions. Those thoughts were soon scattered though. It was not my place to judge, only to serve.

My charge's Uncle Iroh is a strange old man to be sure. As soon as we left the Fire Nation he made it his goal to befriend me. On a daily basis. Much to my extreme annoyance it worked over the months and now I'm able to converse with him. Not that I ever give much away or my own opinions of course. Attachment is forbidden. Iroh is a good man and I am glad he is here to help my charge. My charge is not exactly grateful for his Uncle's help but he is pleased that he is here with us. I think. Enough of my idle reminiscing. Today was another usual day.

* * *

_I was sitting beside Iroh as he was absorbed in his game. That man is obsessed with tea, it's truly his passion and one I've become rather partial to myself over the last two years. The cool jasmine tea calmed my stomach as I drank it and watched Iroh play his game. Strangely I still get sea sick on occasion and keept a small appetite because of it, but tea always helps. My charge was standing only several feet away, watching the horizon as he stood stiffly. "Finally," he said breaking the silence; he turned around to us with passionate zeal on his face. "Uncle, do you realize what this means?"_

"_I won't get to finish my game?" Iroh responded and I bit my tongue to keep from laughing. _

_My charge continued seriously, "It means my search-it's about to come to an end."_

_Iroh let out a long groan and I kept my face impartial as my charge watched us. They were just the lights of the poles, nothing more. I prayed he didn't get his hopes up like he had so many times before. _

"_That light came from an incredibly powerful source. It has to be him!" he declared._

"_Or it's just the celestial lights. We've been down this road before, Prince Zuko. I don't want you to get too excited over nothing." Iroh said gently, "Please, sit. Why don't you enjoy a cup of calming jasmine tea?" _

_I saw the irritation in my charge's eyes as he snapped, "I don't need any calming tea! I need to capture the Avatar. Helmsman, head a course for the light!" He stalked off away from us. _

_I gave a questioning glance at Iroh. His golden eyes watched my charge with thought and he grinned at me. "Do not worry Nira," he said quietly, "He'll be alright." I nodded before resuming drinking my tea. The thing was, my charge wasn't alright and I feared that he might never be. He was slowly sinking into depression and the fear that he would never find the Avatar. That he would never go home. And that made me afraid too. _

_My charge spent the rest of the restlessly and was rather irritated with everyone. I kept my distance and spent most of the day out on the deck training and exercising. I did this every morning as the sun rose and usually in early afternoon, but my charge's attitude seemed to be contagious. Even after I had eaten my dinner, I went out and drilled more with a sort of dull anger. When I train, when I fight, I don't have to think and it's better that way. Lord Iroh approached me as I went through one of my more difficult moves. He waited patiently till I had finished. He nodded at me and I bowed politely. Our breaths came out in small puffs like smoke and the dim outlines of icebergs could be seen around the ship. "That was impressive," he said to me, "But I could see the anger in your movement." _

"_There's no anger, Lord Iroh," I replied detached, "Where is the prince?" _

_Iroh shrugged. "If that's what you think Nira," he said casually, "He's out on the spotting deck. I was just headed there; do you wish to come with me?"_

_I bowed my head. "Of course."_

_We found him there, standing out in the dark with his eyes roving the terrain before him. I could barely make out the scar on his face and I held in my breath. Iroh caught my charge's attention with a long, fake yawn. "__I'm going to bed now.__Yep. A man needs his rest," he announced, _

"_Prince Zuko, you need some sleep. Even if you're right and the Avatar is alive, you won't find him. Your father, grandfather, and great-grandfather all tried and failed."_

_My charge kept his back to us as he replied bitterly, "Because their honor didn't hinge on the Avatar's capture. Mine does. This coward's hundred years in hiding are over." _

_I walked over to my charge's side and whispered to him, "Your Uncle is right, Your Highness, You should rest."_

_He didn't turn his head to me. "Are you my bodyguard or do you command me?" he said icily. _

_I felt my throat clog itself. "No, I do not command you, Your Highness, but I am supposed to protect you and keep you well." _

_He sighed. "Go to bed, Nira."_

_I turned to glare at him, but kept myself in control. He saw this and asked, "How can you protect me if you're not rested yourself?" _

_I gave a defeated nod. "You're right. Good night, Your Highness." I stalked away not even waiting for a response and didn't look at Iroh. "Stupid, foolish prince," I muttered to myself as I slammed my iron door, its banging sound echoing down the long passageway. _

* * *

That was about ten minutes ago. He is such a stupid idiot at times! How am I suppose to protect him if he won't listen to me? He'll end up getting himself killed!

Enough of this. I am going to sleep now and resume writing again when I am not so...There is no emotion.

There is nothing.

A/N: Hope you all like this new chapter. Reviews would be dearly loved and appreciated. Thanks! -Ardala91


	3. The Avatar

Chapter Three:

The Avatar

* * *

"_All the things one has forgotten scream for help in dreams."_-Elias Canetti

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

How I am ever able to fall asleep on this ship is beyond me. The constant creaking and moaning of the iron walls and the clanking sounds of footsteps is enough to drive a person wild. The constant rocking…but sleep I do. I had a dream last night that followed me even as I did my morning exercises.

In my dream, I walked through the remains of a great battle. Much of the earth was torn apart, as if from earthbending, which I have only witnessed in action a little. I have not had much conflict with earthbenders at all really. The air was crisp and the smell of burning stung my nose. Many black marks scorched the earth. There were many bodies and so much blood it seemed to stain the ground in my mind. I have never seen a dead person before. The smell of it, so many dead bodies, made my stomach heave. I kept on walking, frantic and worried; I had to find something, _someone_. The feeling of urgency became greater and greater till I was nearly hysterical. My movement became awkward and the air seemed to spin around me in my panic. I was knocked to my senses, literally, by tripping over a body and falling onto the ground.

When I opened my eyes in my dream, there was a young man's face with blank eyes staring right at me. His body was right next to mine. There was blood in his matted hair from where some sort of object had struck him. I looked at him curiously. He was young and Fire Nation from his armor. To young, younger than me, and yet so familiar…_Koun…_ I awoke then with a gasp. _Koun. _My little brother. The face had been the same, years older and matured, but the same. I have not seen any of my family since I was five. Koun had been my little brother by only one year younger. He had been my playmate. All I could recall was a laughing boy, barely not even a toddler. Why of all the spirits would I dream him now and in such a manner?

This dream harassed me throughout the day as I tried to ignore it. Yet on other news, my charge is nearly insane with anticipation as we draw closer to what he believes is the source of the lights. It is just the celestial lights. I do not look forward to his soon disappointment. Later this day, I stood watching as I usually did when he drilled. Occasionally he would spar with me, but he did not see the point considering I could not bend. I concurred. Not to mention there's only so many times someone wants to have fire thrown at them…

* * *

_My charge blasted fire from his hands as he grunted from the effort. The fire missed his targets of the guards he usually dueled with. The soldiers responded in turn with fire blasts__, but my charge dodged them. With power moving in his body, he flipped behind them gracefully, catching them by surprise. The sky behind him was tinged bright orange, making my eyes squint as I followed his movements. He was getting better in my opinion. Beside me, Lord Iroh sighed almost frustrated. "No!" he lectured at Zuko sternly, "Power in firebending comes from the __breath, not the muscles. The breath becomes energy in the body. The energy extends past your limbs and becomes fire." As he said this he moved his hands to emphasize his words and then to really prove his point, firebended right in front of my charge's face. I almost thought he hit him for a fraction of a second before the stupidity of the thought hit me. "Get it right this time."_

_My charge's face became clouded with frustration. "Enough. I've been drilling this sequence all day," he barked. His eyes became commanding. "Teach me the next set. I'm more than ready."_

"_No, you are impatient. You have yet to master your basics," Lord Iroh explained, his eyes never breaking away from the prince's. "Drill it again!"_

_My charge growled with frustration and then turned around suddenly. With a strong jab of his leg in to the air he sent a gout of fire at the soldiers, making one fall to the ground. He whirled around furiously. He was getting himself worked up as usual, but he'd eventually calm down as he always had before. "The sages tell us that the Avatar is the last airbender. He must be over a hundred years old by now. He's a century to master the four elements," he said frantic with resentment, "I'll need more than basic firebending to defeat him. You WILL teach me the advanced set!"_

_Lord's Iroh face weakened only to the slightest to agree. "Very well," he said coldly, "but first I must finish my roast duck." And with that he pulled out said dish and began to devour it quite happily. My charge backed away with horror and revulsion mixed across his face. A normal person might have laughed at that, if they understood my charge's and his uncle's relationship at all. I did not._

* * *

Later that day, I stood a few feet away from my charge as he stared out at the bleak landscape. All the whiteness of the snow and ice made my eyes constantly water as I tried to look out. I was thinking, something I found myself doing more then I wished or needed, if it was relevant to my charge. Good. Related to me. Bad.

I could not get the image of unfamiliar, but then familiar face of my little brother out of my head. The eyes had been blank, nothing in them, just empty like this lifeless landscape. To distract myself I reviewed what I knew of the Southern Water Tribe. The Northern Tribe we had had a few skirmishes with over the decades, but not much was known about them that I know of. The Southern Tribe had all been but destroyed over eighty years ago with continued raids. Today there were only a few scattered groups across the poles, their city gone, along with all of their benders. I don't know what happened to the water benders once they were caught, they were probably imprisoned would be my guess, or it would probably have been easier to just kill them all. I wondered why my country would even have been interested in this wasteland. We didn't even have a presence here. If it was, it was only for one purpose.

My charge's excited voice brought me back to the cold landscape. "Nira! Do you see that?" he asked. My eyes were drawn to a bright firework that exploded in the sky. I nodded in consent. 

My charge pulled out a telescope and carefully looked over the land in that direction where the light had come from. Why had a flare gone up here? Was it some sort of trap devised by the locals? They might have seen our ship and would know of our presence. There could be two results from that if they had: they would hide or they would do something like this. It was desperate times for them and I wouldn't be surprised if they would do something unexpected like this.

"The last airbender," he commented out loud, "Quite agile for his old age." I tried not to look startled. He had seen him? The…Avatar..? "Wake my uncle!" He demanded, not even looking at me. "Tell him I found the Avatar…" I bowed as was expected, not that he would have noticed. As I walked away in a quick pace for the edge in his voice was…I heard him murmur with almost happiness in his voice… "As well as his hiding place."

I couldn't believe it as I walked away. This was surely some sort of trick for there was no way the Avatar could be _alive_. He would have only been a child when the Air Nomads were attacked. The Avatar surely must have been killed. Logic dictated it so. There was no way three generations of Fire Lords could've been wrong. I could not believe it. I would not!

The shadows of the ship taunted me as I walked down their enclosed halls. There was no room. I could not breathe! I took in a deep breath and attempted to push aside my fear. I would not be weak because of this condition. I am strong. I reached Lord Iroh's chamber and knocked on the cold, iron door. Heavy clanking reached my ears and the door opened with a high whine. Lord Iroh looked at me with tired and annoyed eyes as he ran a hand through his messy hair. "What is it Nira?" he asked kindly, considering I'd just woke him up.

"His Highness requested your presence, Lord Iroh," I stated with no trembling in my voice. At least I hoped it sounded that way. "He has found the Avatar."

Lord Iroh's face did not change. "I see. I will be there in several moments."

I bowed low and continued to make my way to the deck. Lord Iroh's response had been a perfect response that did not give anything away. Even that man seemed to have better control then I did at times. It must come from his Royal background for he had been raised to be the Fire Lord once after all. Sometimes I wondered what he thought of himself now, on this ship with his nephew on a hopeless quest. He was an unusual man.

* * *

Before I knew it my charge was in his chambers preparing for his expected battle. I stood outside the closed door leaning up against the wall with crossed arms. Shivers ran down my arms but not from the frigid, steel wall. I was baffled beyond my own expectations. It could not be _true_, could it? It must be some sort of trap I reasoned.

My charge came through the door with stone face. His eyes met mine and I waited. "Your presence will not be needed for this," he said abruptly. He turned to leave.

"Your Highness," I called calmly, but I was seething. How dare he? My presence is a must for his own protection. "It could be dangerous. I am your bodyguard."

His fists were clenched. "Do not argue with me Nira! You are not firebender so what possible use could you be for this? Stay here on the ship!" And with that he marched away. My arms started to hurt from where I clenched my own arms. He'd never done this before. Never. I was more angry in that single moment then I ever had been before. I am his bodyguard...which means I am under his command. In a different situation a bodyguard might disobey to protect their charge, but when it comes down to it the charge is truly in control. He is my charge, but he is also my prince and I am his subject. I can do nothing but obey.

* * *

I stood in the control room when we went cracking through the ice approaching a Water Tribe village. There is a small crew on this ship and I have learned little about them besides from what I need to know. Lieutenant Li informed me though of our destination. He is a firebender naturally, with grey hair, but a middle-aged face. He is a good soldier. The ship shuddered beneath me as I stared anticipating though the viewing window. All I could see was white mist curling from the snow. I heard the creak from the shaft opening in front of the ship. They were departing then. My hand was in a fist. I should be there.

It seemed to be an eternity while I waited. The thought came to me of course to run out there, but I stayed where I was. Finally, I heard his voice cry out, "Head a course to the Fire Nation. I'm going home." Quickly I walked down from the command center and to the front deck of the ship. The journey takes several minutes considering the ladders and hatches and all. It's a good thing that heights don't bother me now that I think about it.

When I walked onto the deck we had already pulled away from the village and were now sailing away with the ship starting to gain speed. My jaw almost dropped open as I looked at my charge, several guards, and Lord Iroh who'd been on the deck the whole time. A boy stood bound between two of the soldiers. It was the _Avatar_. It was peculiar, that was the first thing that struck me, for it was a mere boy, a child of perhaps twelve years, not an old man. How was such a thing possible? Yet he was for the arrow tattoo that shined blue on his bald head revealed him to be so. I had seen pictures of the Airbenders at the abandoned temples. He was clothed in a bright yellow and orange outfit. Between those guards he looked frail and fragile.

I could not believe my own eyes. He was alive and my charge had found him of all things. He was only a boy though… My charge held a long staff in his hand as he looked at it critically. I approached quietly. "This staff will make an excellent gift for my father," he said then turned his eyes toward the Avatar. "I suppose you wouldn't know of fathers, being raised by monks. Take the Avatar to the prison hold." He handed the staff to one of the guards, "And take this to my quarters." My charge proceeded to head for the interior of the ship while the guards went below deck nearly carrying the boy with them.

Lord Iroh handed the staff to one of the remaining crew. "Hey, you mind taking this to his quarters for me?" The guard took it silently as Lord Iroh began to walk towards the direction of where his chamber is located. I followed.

When I caught up to him he kept on walking with no greeting. "Lord Iroh," I said in a neutral tone, "That boy, is he truly the Avatar?"

"Yes," he responded as he paused in front of his door. He turned to look at me with critical eyes. "I am going to go sleep now Nira. Perhaps you should go get some rest as well."

I nodded my head and walked away as I heard his door shut. I was still in a state of bewilderment as I entered my own chamber. I wanted to go talk to my charge but I knew he would not like me bursting in on him. Besides I did not talk to him on a social level. It is not my place. To distract myself I will describe my chamber since I am actually writing this entry right now.

First off, it's small. The length is only seven paces and the width about three. There are no windows since it is below deck though there is a small ventilation shaft. There is enough room for a bed that lies in the corner. It is not very comfortable, but I am not used to luxury. It is even more comfortable then my own bed back at the center. There is one single Fire Nation banner on the opposite wall across from it. In one corner lies a small basket where I keep my few clothes and a wrack which carries several weapons I occasionally use. I always carry several knives on my person in concealed locations but I prefer hand-to-hand combat since that is what I was trained primarily to use. I am proficient with knives and can handle a straight sword, but mine is of smaller make. A larger one I could not handle. I am strong, but not that strong. There is also a bow of simple make but I have not practiced with it much. There isn't exactly a place to shoot it at around and I was not ever much good at it. In fact-

* * *

The last sentence was left unfinished due to the yelling I heard from above deck. That occurred hours ago and I barely have the concentration to write this entry now. My head pounds and I think that I will fall alsleep here again soon. I awoke only several minutes ago, but back to the story.

I rushed up to the deck to find my charge throwing a ball of fire at the Avatar. The Avatar stood at the edge of the ship whirling his staff that I had seen my charge holding earlier to block the blows. It became too much for him and he fell overboard. "Aang! No!" I head a girl cry. I looked up in disbelief at the large creature that was _flying_in the air. It was massive with six legs and white fur. Horns decorated its head. I had seen an image of this at the Air Temples. I had assumed it to be some sort of mythical creature. What was this thing? A girl and boy sat on a designed saddle on its back. Water Tribe by the looks of them. The girl continued to cry the name "Aang" frantically. Was that the Avatar's name?

A huge spiral rose above the ship with the Avatar at its pinnacle. His eyes were glowing along with his arrow tattoo. The first thought that came to me was non-existent. In a battle I am always able to respond but I stood there dumbfounded. A strange sensation made my heart beat quicker and it seemed tight. I was _afraid _and that made me furious. I was afraid of a mere boy? Then I looked at the boy landed on the deck. Maybe I should be I corrected myself.

I glanced over at my charge. He looked just as shocked as I was. I knew I should do something but before I could a wave of frigid water hit me. I went flying and the last thing I thought about before I hit the railing was the fear that had been bright on my charge's face.

Then there was nothing.


	4. Enemies and Allies

Chapter Four:

Enemies and Allies

* * *

"_We cannot destroy kindred: our chains stretch a little sometimes, but they never break." _-Marquise de Sévigné

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

The last entry was written in a rather dazed confusion that seems to have lasted the last several days or so. In short, due to my own stupidity to be able to react properly I failed my own charge when he needed me. When that scrap of a boy sent that wave of water at me I had the distinct pleasure of hitting my head on the railing. I spent the next two days weaving in and out of consciousness with pounding headaches as we made way to the nearest Fire Nation port. Apparently the Avatar destroyed the front part of the ship by deflecting a fire blast that had been sent at him as he escaped on that strange animal. This is what Lord Iroh informed me of anyways, considering he walked out right as the Avatar was flying away with those Water Tribe peasants. My charge was not pleased with my state but he had more pressing matters on his mind so he payed little heed to my own failure. For that, I was thankful.

It still seems impossible that these events did occur. I was completely wrong for the Avatar is alive. Now…now all that must be done is for my charge to capture him and then we can go home. Things can at last be the way they were supposed to be. Any hope I'd had of going back to the Fire Nation, to live my life as I was trained too, was beginning to die. This has brought it back to me and I am determined that my charge should complete his quest. It is for his own good too of course for he is the rightful heir to the throne and belongs in the Fire Nation. The Avatar is the greatest threat to my country and yet he is a mere child. A child who managed to escape my charge and knock me out. It will not happen again. I will not allow it to.

I wrote earlier that we were on our way to a port. Today we docked there and these are the events that passed…

* * *

_I walked behind my charge and Lord Iroh as they walked down the walkway to the sweet solid ground of the port. Many larger ships were in port besides ours, making the ship that had been home for the last two years look pathetic. I almost winced at the damage that had occurred on the front of the prow. Off in the distance there were a multitude of tents and buildings with the sound s of people and their affairs coming from them. The distinct sounds of soldiers barking orders and of men drilling revealed it to be a place of entirely military existence. Looked safe enough and from what I had been able to determine from the information I'd received from asking around with the crew. I kept a respectful distance from my charge as he spoke to his uncle quietly, "Uncle, I want the repairs made as quickly as possible. I don't want to stay too long and risk losing his trial." _

_I gritted my teeth. Typical of him as always. My charge disclosed me from his plans and that could be dangerous for him. I would have to speak to him about this. We did not speak much __aboard the ship. Our routine was I was there but did not speak and nor to him to me. We're comfortable with this pattern but it would have to change now because of the new complications. _

"_You mean the Avatar?" Lord Iroh asked loudly, which was not wise. _

_My charge turned around quickly to Lord Iroh. "Don't mention his name on these docks!" he ordered sharply. I recall thinking that the Avatar's name was Aang as he said that. The thought disappeared. "Once word gets out that he's alive every firebender will be out looking for him and I don't want anyone getting in the way." _

_My eyes were drawn to a man that approached us as my charge spoke. I opened my mouth to whisper a warning, but the man called out before I could. "Getting in the way of what, Prince Zuko?" The man walked up with the style of confidence and rigid military training. His stiff military uniform revealed him to be of an officer position. He was taller than my charge and in his middle-years from my estimate. His eyes, almost dark amber, looked critically at all three of us. This man was calculating. Dangerous. _

"_Captain Zhao," my charge muttered with disdain. I could have sworn I could feel the enmity coming from my charge. This Captain Zhao I had heard of to be in control of this dock, wasn't he a commander? Other then that I knew little of him; he was a military officer trying to ascend through the ranks which he'd been doing quite well with. He desired power, that much could be apparent, probably was ambitious and ruthless as higher military tend to be. The fact that I did not know of a prior relation with my charge irritated to me. I was supposed to know things like this! _

"_It's Commander now," Zhao replied with a hint of smugness, "And General Iroh," he continued with a bow to Lord Iroh, "Great hero of our nation."_

"_Retired general," Lord Iroh corrected him quietly._

"_The Fire Lord's brother and son are welcome guests any time," he said, but his eyes darted in my direction for only a moment. I did not miss the insult. Introductions are to be expected but as usual with my position it was not needed or expected. This Zhao had categorized me quickly enough and had given me the usual disdained, superiority look over glare. "What brings you to my harbor?" he asked._

"_Our ship is being repaired," Lord Iroh answered with a gesture of his hand at the damaged ship behind us. _

_Zhao looked at the ship with hard eyes. This man was good, I realized, very good. "That's quite a bit of damage," he said with false concern. _

"_Yes…you wouldn't believe what happened," My charge said with hesitation. Inwardly I sighed. "Uncle! Tell Commander Zhao what happened."_

_I could only see the back of their heads but I was sure there was a look of annoyance on Lord Iroh's face. "Yes, I will do that. It was incredible." Lord Iroh exclaimed. He leaned over to his highnesses' ear and whispered, "What…did we crash or something?" I almost shook my head. So much for planning ahead with these two. _

"_Uh, yes! Right into an Earth Kingdom Ship!" my charge continued uncomfortably. His attempt to get his Uncle to cover for him was amusing to an extent for he was not a good liar. _

"_Really? You __**must**__ regale me with all the thrilling details." Zhao responded with a overly honeyed voice, "Join me for a drink?" He smiled and leaned in to confront my charge in an apparent challenge. The man made it onto my list in that moment. _

"_Sorry, but we have to go." My charge said, barely making it polite. He turned to go but Lord Iroh placed a hand on his shoulder to stop him. I could see the annoyance in my charge's eyes as he caught mine before he turned back to his Uncle._

"_Prince Zuko, show Commander Zhao your respect," Lord Iroh said sternly, "We would be honored to join you. Do you have any ginseng tea? It's my favorite." My charge growled in frustration as they walked away and let a small amount of fire be released from his fists. He proceeded to follow him and I followed him as always. _

_We came to where all the tents were at and not surprising enough they were headed for the biggest one with a prominent Fire Nation symbol on top of it. If an assassin wanted to find the leader here and take him out, they'd have an extremely easy job of it. My charge and Lord Iroh walked into the tent and as I went to follow one of the massive two guards that stood at the entrance grabbed my arm. Usually I would make the man release me in a flash, but unfortunately here I could not. I raised cold eyes to look up at the even colder mask of the Fire Nation helmet that hid the man's face. "Release me," I hoped in what sounded threatening. I certainly didn't look it. I barely came to the man's shoulder. _

"_You may let her go," Zhao's oily voice commanded. I looked as the man watched the scene with amused eyes. He had not entered the tent yet, he'd been watching the whole time? The guard released my arm and I looked at the commander in a stony expression. "There's no need for you to go in," Zhao said with a look of pleasure, "You're only a bodyguard and who knows, you could be a threat to my person. Much better if you stay out here." I opened my mouth to protest but stopped as I saw another soldier appear behind him as he added with a purr, "And under guard."_

_He turned to the guard and ordered. "Make sure she goes back to the prince's ship and doesn't cause any…trouble."_ _And with that he passed by me to enter the tent. His eyes were on mine the whole time and I knew I could do nothing. What was this man's plan? His motivation for this? The look in his eyes was one of pleasure of causing me anger and frustration. I was left to ponder this and confront my anger as he walked into the tent and I did not._

_The guard that had been assigned to watch me approached me commandingly. He was not as tall as the other two who stood like status. He was in the typical dress and his face was hidden behind the skull face of his helmet. "Let's go," he said gruffly. His voice sounded young which I took note of. _

_Knowing there was nothing I could do I stalked off in the direction back to the shipyard. The soldier followed me practically at my heels. When we had nearly reached the ship I whirled around and asked, "You're not going to follow me on board are you?"_

_The soldier tilted his head. "I guess so."_

_I prevented myself from doing something rash. I walked up the ramp silently sulking. My charge would be free soon and if not….Besides, I did not want to go back on the ship so soon. We had just landed on wonderful, solid ground and here I was already getting back on the ship. The sun was warm on my back before I entered the darkness of the ship and I wondered how much hotter the soldier must be in that armor. I felt better. _

_It was ruined by the young soldier's voice, "What's your name?"_

_I turned to look with a frigid face at the soldier. "What business is it of yours? And who are you to socialize while on duty?" I asked with an authoritative tone. I continued to walk down the dimmed hallway, planning to go to the top deck. The soldier followed me silently till we had reached the deck. I walked towards the edge from where I could see the tent my charge was in. From here at least I could keep watch. I was disturbed yet again by the soldier's voice._

"_Will you tell me your name?"_

"_Why do you want to know?" I demanded. I was not in a good mood and this soldier was only making my temper become shorter._

_He came and stood beside me, looking out at where my eyes were concentrated. "Your prince will be alright," he said. Why was this soldier saying such thing? A poor attempt to comfort me…to socialize with me? "The commander will let them go soon."_

_Now this had caught my attention. Perhaps… "What is your commander like?"_

"_He's very…typical of military officers. I can't say much about him," the soldier said slowly. "I answered a question for you, so answer mine now."_

_I had not taken my eyes off of the blaring red tent in the distance. If I could get this man to shut up...Fine. "Nira." _

_The soldier did not respond. I turned my head to look at him. He was looking at me through the skull covering of his helmet. He seemed to pick his next words after careful consideration. "I am curious, that necklace you wear, how did you get it?"_

_I looked down at my necklace that I usually wore hidden underneath my clothes. I was mortified that I had shown it to the world and I quickly put it underneath my shirt. The necklaces itself is not unusual or bear any of my family markings, but I had received it from my mother as a young child. It was the only personal possession of value I owned and I had hidden it well over the years. It could only raise questions, unneeded ones, and attachments are not allowed, especially to kin. I gingerly answered, hoping it would close the subject. "I bought it."_

_The soldier lifted his hands to his helmet and lifted it from his face. Not a good decision on his part, against the rules for his kind. I was confronted by a young man of roughly twenty years. He had a serious expression but one that could easily laugh most of the time. He had the usual golden eyes, but his were light enough to almost be a hazel. His dark hair was bound in a top knot and his face was not to sharp. He wasn't remarkable yet somehow a chord was struck in my mind. There was something about him that I could not place. "Thank you for telling me your name," he said respectfully. "My name is Ryda and that necklace you were I recognize."_

_My first feeling was one of horror. How could this soldier recognize this? No one I knew of had seen it before. It had fallen out accidently today. Had he known me from before? Yet I had not always been the owner of this necklace for it was once my mother's as well. "Perhaps you are mistaken," I said lightly, "Were do you think you've seen it before?"_

_Ryda smiled gently with an old twinkle in his eyes, sparked by some kind of memory or feeling. "My cousin had a necklace exactly like that. She was one of my favorites when we were kids."_

_Then I knew…Ryda…I had had a cousin by that name once. He'd been one of my older cousins, but one that all of us had loved for he hadn't ignored us. The prankster in the family as I recalled vaguely. This was him? Not good, not good at all. I was caught but I still might be able to squirm my way out of this trap. It was probably his own idle curiosity but he could be interrogating me. Worse I would break the code by revealing anything to him. The cousin he'd known had died years ago. "Was?" I asked._

_His smile saddened. "She died when she was a kid. Sad thing. How'd you get her necklace though?"_

"_I bought in the Fire Nation. Perhaps her parents sold it."_

"_They'd never do that," Ryda said surely, "Her father was not the same after her death."_

"_Now I have a question for you. Do you always socialize with people you should be guarding?"_

_Much to my surprise Ryda chuckled. "No, not usually."_

"_I am sorry your cousin died." I said before I knew it. I was not one to offer comfort or empathy. I am to be stoic. Emotionless. _

_Ryda's smile saddened. "Well, at least it still in the hands of someone who's Fire Nation."_

_Something had caught my attention about what he'd said before. 'Her father...was…' Past tense. Not now. Was. "You used 'was' about the girl's father, did something happen to him as well?" I inquired against my own better judgment._

_Ryda's face became grave. "There's been a bit of sorrow on that side of family. The Suzuki family, have you heard of them?" I shook my head. "Thought not, we're only minor nobility."_

"_You're a noble?" I asked with pretend astonishment._

"_Not much of one. To obscure," he said with a touch of a wry smile. "Her father was a good soldier. H was killed along with their only heir in a run in with some rebel earthbenders. Broke their mother's heart."_

_Something rose from my chest to my throat, making it difficult for me to speak. What was this? I shook it away. "How tragic," I replied unperturbed. "I think it best if we end our socializing now."_

_Ryda nodded and put his helmet back on. I trained my eyes back on the tent. 'You must forget your kin,' Keitaro's voice seemed to whisper in my mind. The image of my brother's empty face from my dream came to me uncalled. Child memories of a gurgling toddler and the father I had revered rose before I smashed them as I had to. Attachment is not allowed._

* * *

The sun passed over head for the next few hours as I waited on the deck. Ryda waited as well, occasionally shifting from foot to foot with impatience. When the sun was setting I was ready to burst from the ship to demand where my charge was when another soldier from the docks came. He reported of an Agni Kai that would be carried out within the next ten minutes between my charge and the commander. The commander, as he had graciously put it, would allow my presence there and that my guard was now relieved of duty. I had to go. I did not pay any heed to Ryda as I scurried to find my way to my charge. It was better if I never saw him again.

I was led to a simple building by my new guard that was towered with four watch towers at each corner that were lit. I entered through one large open gate. On the other side of the barren, dirt courtyard stood my charge. Ready to fight. Closer to me stood the commander, half-naked, as they do with the Agni Kai. My charge looked small compared to this man. They both knelt down as they prepared to fight. I could not believe my own charge's stupidity. He was in another Agni Kai and for what? I didn't know but it was probably some foolish offense for the hatred for this Zhao had been obvious. This is what happened when I was not around to protect him!

The sunset set behind me cast a harsh red light on them. Lord Iroh stood beside my charge and I read his lips as he spoke, "Remember your firebending basics, Prince Zuko. They are your greatest weapons."

My charge raised himself determined to a stance. "I refuse to let him win." His wrap of the Agni Kai fell to the ground.

Commander Zhao stood up cockily and I heard him state, "This will be over quickly." As soon as this Agni Kai was over, he was mine, plain and simple for my charge would not lose to this jerk. I hoped so anyways. This man was a military officer with much more experience. A loud, deep gong wafted through the air.

They assumed their stances.

My charge shot the first blast which passed Zhao harmlessly. He fired again and again without hitting the commander. Zhao blocked them all with satisfaction on his face. My charge was frustrated and began to give in to his anger on the battlefield, his great weakness. He kept on sending fire with his hands and feet in vain to hit the commander. With apparent ease Zhao blocked and dodged them all. Suddenly Zhao went down to his knees and shot a flame along the ground to hit my charge. I heard Lord Iroh cry out, "Basics, Zuko! Break his root!" Zhao continued to send many blasts of fire with his fists. My charge attempted to block them but was beginning to be forced back. I winced. I would just chuck a knife at the man's throat and finish it quickly. Not my fight though. Curse the concepts of honor and fighting.

Zhao sent a huge volley of fire with both his hands, sending my charge backwards onto the ground. They were both breathing heavily. Zhao leapt into the air to land beside my charge as he attempted to get up. I sucked in my breath.

My charge rolled out of the way just in time. As he did, he moved a rather clever move, sweeping Zhao's feet underneath him with his own. He then proceeded to advance towards the commander, using his feet to make small waves of fire rush at him. Zhao became unbalanced, a pathetic weakness on his part, and fell to the ground. My charge stood over him and I looked at his face.

He wouldn't do it.

"Do it!" Zhao rasped.

My charge sent a blast besides the man face. Smoke rose from the burnt ground as he dropped out of his fighting stance.

"That's it?" Zhao asked mockingly mixed with fury. He had just been defeated by someone he thought less of and who was many years younger than him, so one could understand the horrendous shame he felt. I smirked. "Your father raised a coward."

"Next time you get in my way, I promise I won't hold back." My charge conveyed with a hint of malice. My charge turned and began to walk away. Zhao stood up and with a howl of anger released a whip of flame towards my charge. I hurried to push my charge out of the way but before I even reached him he'd already been stopped. Lord Iroh had his hand on Zhao's foot, extinguishing the flame. They stood still for only a moment before Lord Iroh sent Zhao hurling back to the ground with seemingly no effort at all. My charge turned to attack back, but Lord Iroh held him back.

"No, Prince Zuko. Do not taint your victory," he argued. He turned his attention towards the fallen commander with a look of disgust. "So this is how the great commander Zhao acts in defeat. Disgraceful." I was tempted to pull one of my knives out and send it flying. My hand twitched. "Even in exile my nephew is more honorable than you." My charge's face grew surprised at this. "Thanks again for the tea. It was delicious." Lord Iroh turned to leave and my charge followed him closely. I began to follow but I looked one last time at Commander Zhao, conveying my message in my eyes. He glared at Lord Iroh and my charge's backs and when his eyes met mine I could see the subdued anger. He got my message. I walked away.

I stepped behind my charge and Lord Iroh as we exited through the gate. My charge asked quietly, "Did you really mean that, Uncle?"

"Of course," he said slyly, "I told you ginseng tea is my favorite." I did not try to keep from smiling as I usually would for I had no smile to show.

* * *

Right now we are sailing from the port. I write this in my chamber hidden away as usual. One thing I know for sure that it is not over with this Commander Zhao. I know that this only the beginning between him and my charge. As for me, I will now sleep for my head is still sore. My throat still feels blocked. I will not dream tonight. I will slip away into a breathtaking oblivion.

.


	5. The Necklace

Chapter Five:

The Necklace

* * *

"_It's terrifying to see someone inside of whom a vital spring seems to have been broken. It's particularly terrifying to see him in your mirror."_

-Mignon McLaughlin, _The Second Neurotic's Notebook_, 1966

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

I did not sleep well last night. My dreams, if I have any, I usually do not remember. Last night was…horrible. I dreamed of things that I am no longer of. Things I should have forgotten years ago. My family. Even Master Keitaro. Especially Koun and my father. The news of their deaths has disturbed more then I predicted, but it is better if I do not dwell on it or even think of it. I wonder how mother is handling it and Narimi. I hope that…

There is no attachment.

I am like the mountain. Emotionless. Strong.

There is no attachment.

My charge is in meditation right now, something I'd think that would help in his daily life, but it doesn't seem to make much of a difference. My head feels much better now. It does not give me pounding headaches any longer. I spent most of the day training, even with my sword which I have left untouched for some time. Lord Iroh came to me while I was in the middle of a certain drill several hours ago…

* * *

_The sun was hot as always, making sweat burst forth all over my body. My body was warmed up and I felt good, almost relaxed as I trained. The crew always leaves me alone when I do this. Occasionally I might spar with one of the soldiers, but not often. I am a little more advanced than them. I do not spar with the fire benders except on rare occasion. Having fire tossed me is something I do not appreciate but I do it to keep my skills sharp. My ears caught the familiar foot steps of Lord Iroh coming towards me. I stopped and bowed in his direction, partially annoyed at the disruption. "Nira," he called, "May I speak with you?"_

_I nodded and came towards him at his beckon. He walked towards the front part of the deck, away from any prying ears. He put his hand on the warm metal rail as he verbalized his next words precariously. "You know of the events which happened yesterday at the port?"_

"_Yes. His highness questioned my absence earlier today. I told him why and he…summarized the events that happened to him and you yesterday," I explained evenly. _

_Lord Iroh looked at me with his eyes, doing the usual scan of my face. "What happened to you?"_

"_I came back to the ship."_

"_Is that all?" he prodded. I kept my face blank._

"_Excuse me Lord Iroh, but may I ask why it matters?" I attempted to ask respectfully. Lord Iroh's face remained in the same concerned expression._

"_You seemed upset today Nira," he answered with a frown on his face, "I'm worried."_

"_I see," I said in a subdued voice, trying to keep any anger or emotion from it. Was I that obvious? Clearly I was not as good as I had come to believe. It is always more difficult to spot your own faults I suppose. I would need to work on this. Immediately. "As a bodyguard, Lord Iroh, I do not get upset. I thank you for your concern, but I am fine." _

_His face remained unconvinced. "Nira, I feel that I have come to know you these last two years. I want you to know that I do care," he said suddenly. I almost took a step back. This was too...too personal! "And that if you need anything, I am here." _

_I took a step back. This man was not my charge. He was royalty. A revered general. He was higher than me. Compared to him I am nothing. Insignificant. Somehow, him being the proverb man that he is, he may have come to see me as something more than just a bodyguard. He can care, but I…I cannot care. My charge is my first priority above else. My duties. Friendships are not allowed. "Your concern has been noted," I said quickly, "If I may take my leave Lord Iroh." I bowed and resumed my training. _

No attachments are allowed. It will only lead to destruction. I am not allowed to feel for I am a bodygaurd. I am part of the Society.

No attachments…

* * *

That last entry was written several days ago. I could not find it in myself to write again those days. Writing in this has caused me to think about things more then I have in the last two years. Perhaps starting this journal was not the most brilliant of ideas. My charge has set course for Kyoshi Island, a small island south of the Earth Kingdom. This island has managed to stay out the war. Rather impressive and not much is known about it for the Fire Nation has not tried to take it over. Yet anyways. Apparently the Avatar is there. I find this foolish of him for he had evaded us the last few days with evasive maneuvering that had impressed me. He is only a child so foolish mistakes like that are too expected. My charge is hoping to capture him and then we can return to the Fire Nation. I swear that this time I will not fail as I did before! (Meaning that I won't get knocked out...)

I have been keeping my distance from Lord Iroh since our last conversation. He has not sought me out either. Perhaps I will join him again for some tea soon. I do not dine with him or my charge. I am only with my charge on the ship when he is not in his chambers. The rest of the time I train. Meditate. Or watch the crew. It is not as exciting I thought it would be when I was a child. We are approaching Kyoshi Island. It is within sight now. I must go.

* * *

I am alive and without the Avatar, much to my charge's disappointment. Best of all I got soaking wet! This is what occurred…

_We rode off of the shop on war rhinoceros which are kept below deck. I am not a good rider on them and being on them makes me almost nervous. I rode one with one of the firebenders who wisely took the reins. My charge was in front of us when he instructed us sternly, "I want the Avatar alive." Unlike the last two times I would be with him this time. No longer am I going to be left behind! I will prove my usefulness. The Avatar is only a child. Maybe that's why he finally let me come. He underestimated the boy though. That is a mistake I will not make. _

_We entered the small village. It was empty. The villagers had apparently fled for they must have spotted our ship. My charge called out challengingly, "Come out, Avatar! You can't hide from me forever!" Did he not realize that the boy might have already departed at noticing our presence? I had not seen that huge, flying animal so I might be mistaken. "Find him." My charge ordered. _

_The firebender I was with led the rhinoceros away from my charge. "What are you doing?" I hissed. _

"_Following orders," he stated. This would not do. I had to be near my charge. I slid off of the back of the war rhinoceros and proceeded to go in his direction. The rest of the soldiers had split off. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a green blur come in my direction. I ducked just in time as the figure jumped over me in an attempt to hit me. I turned to face my opponent which was a young woman in some sort of soldier wear. Her face was painted white with red eye paint and on her head was a green band. She held two fans in her hands. Those were her weapons? I almost scoffed openly at this. A distance away my charge was caught up in his own fight with one of the green clad girls. All around me chaos began as the soldiers were ambushed. I had let this ambush come unnoticed? I was pathetic but I would win this battle._

_The girl came at me with her fans, moving them gracefully with surprising swiftness. I almost smiled. I had an equal to fight at last. I blocked her movements in response and attempted to use a kick I favor to knock her down. She jabbed my foot and I almost lost my balance. I would get her back for that. She kept on coming with her attack till I drove her back with a set pattern of kicks and punches. I was more on the defense, looking for a weakness. She was doing the same._

_I at last spotted one. Her left arm trembled slightly and she favored her right arm more. Some sort of injury I guessed. I had one knife in a sheathe on my left arm. I distracted her by kicking dust into her face then I pulled out the knife and hit my mark with a short toss. She let out of cry of pain as she fell to the ground. The knife was sunk deep into her left shoulder. I advanced towards her and hit her hard on the temple, knocking her out. She would live for the wound was not serious. _

_I had to get my knife back and I retrieved it without a sign of disgust. At least the wound was not spilling too much blood, fortunate for her. I do not like to take a life in case I have to. All my fights have mostly been in training, not in an actual conflict. There have been a few skirmishes the last two years but not like this. I raised my head at the sound of my charge's voice, "Nice try, Avatar! But these little girls can't save you." __Little girls? They were more dangerous then they looked, even with those ridiculous fans. My charge stood in the middle of the dirt road as he yelled. _

"_Hey! Over here!" a young voice shouted. I looked at the Avatar as he stood in the street. He confronted my charge at last? About time. _

"_Finally!" my charge breathed. I was tempted to watch or to intervene, but I knew the latter would make my charge resentful. This was his fight and for once I did not mind. The Avatar was no threat for he had not killed him before. He would not do it. And besides, another one of those green dressed girl was engaging me in another battle. _

_As soon as I had knocked this girl out too by using the back of my semi-stained knife I heard my charge cry, "Back to the ship! Don't lose sight of them!"_

_I raised my eyes in the air to see the Avatar fleeing on his creature. Two other figures were on it as well. The Water Tribe Peasants. I had seen the girl helping children into a building. The firebender from before came up to me on the rhinoceros. I took the offered hand and went on. We followed my charge at a high pace out of the town. Smoke pillowed in the town as he left. The village would be burned to a crisp soon. I suppose that is unfair to the locals but they had gotten in our way. __When we were right outside of the town rain suddenly came down in a down pour. I looked behind me too the flames dying in the town. A loud shriek of some kind of animal filled the air and way out in the distance towards the natural cove we had docked in was a massive creature in the shape of a snake. A sea serpent! I had heard stories but never seen one before. The creature dove back underneath the waves and we made our way back the ship with a very angry prince. _

* * *

The last two weeks have not been pleasant for me. I would have written something but I found there was nothing much to write about. The days were the same becoming one with each other in my mind. Time was still and then it was gone. It is how it was before my charge discovered the Avatar. Before we trailed him as we do now. We find signs of his presence but when we get there he is already gone. The Avatar seems to be heading in a northern direction. My guess he is attempting to go to the Northern Water Tribe. He must not have mastered waterbending and there is no one left at the South Pole who could possibly instruct him. Not to forget those Water Tribe peasants are with him.

My charge did find one thing of interest. There was a Fire Nation prison we came too, one that was out in the ocean to hold rebel earthbenders. The place is made entirely of metal so they cannot bend. The Avatar had been there for the place was a mess and all the prisoners escaped. There my charge found a necklace amonst the wreckage, the one that I had seen on that Water Tribe girl. She must have lost it. I only looked at it once but it was beautiful. It was made of blue silk with a stone as its ornament with a lovely design. I am not one to dwell on such petty things but it was beautiful. I wondered if the girl missed it. Was it like mine? I received mine from my mother. I was only five when I received it as a gift for my birthday. Only a few months before I would be taken…

* * *

_My birthday celebrations for the day were over. It had been small and simple with only my family. I was overjoyed with all the attention and gifts I had received. My whole family had been there, my mother's family, the side Ryda is from. Too many cousins for me to remember. My father's family was not present. He did not have a family anymore. He had only brothers and they had all died because of the war. My father was the only one left. I was in my room, going through all my gifts and admiring them. My mother came at my door and called my name. _

_She was a beautiful woman with long, dark hair and an air that seemed to be more than her status. My mother was the kind who in anger might yell but would always feel bad about it later. I adored her as did my siblings. Narimi was the perfect light in my mother's eyes as well as my father's for she was the eldest and a firebender. They loved me too and did not ignore me as much as I hoped they would. I was the kind of child then who liked to run off and cause trouble unnoticed. I usually didn't get away with much under my mother's watchful eye. _

_I rushed over to her all smiles and laughter. She hugged me and whispered playfully in my ear, "I have another present for you."_

_I smiled and pleaded to know what it was and if I could have it. My mother looked at me with cherishing eyes and said, "What I am about to give you belonged to a dear sister once and before her my mother."_

_I was surprised at this. "You had a sister?"_

"_Yes and a brother."_

"_Where are they?" I asked with innocent curiosity. My mother's face became a little sad. This disturbed me greatly for I had not wished to make her upset._

"_They are with the spirits now," she said back with a forced smile._

_I did not completely understand for I was only five at the time. I shrugged. "Can I see it now?"_

"_Yes, little one," she said and put her hand into her robe. She pulled it out and put it to my small hands. "You must take good care of this, alright?"_

"_Yes, Mom," I chorused. The necklace was simple for it was on a light silver chain. A tiny blue stone, no bigger thumb nail, hung from it enwrapped with silver wire as its case. I admired it with excited five year old eyes. "Thanks Mom! It's pretty!" I hugged my mom and she held me for what seemed minutes to me. When I squirmed my way out of her hold and looked at her golden eyes there was a melancholy there I did not understand. One thing a child can notice is when they are treated differently than their siblings. My father treated us all the same, except for doting on Koun since he was the baby. My mother, I noticed, would look at me differently with that look in her eyes some of the time. I did not know what it was but I knew it existed and that was enough to bother me._

Strange how the girl's necklace reminds me of mine. I should probably toss mine into the ocean or burn it to a crisp in the ship's furnace system which keep the engines going. Might make it easier, not caring I mean. It is something I struggle with all the time now. Before I wrote in this I had no way of expressing myself. It was easier then. Now I find things are becoming different, the way I see them and think about them. I don't understand why this is happening! I wasn't always emotionally stoic in my past or in the last two years but I did not have as much trouble as I seem to now. My duty, who I am, what I live for, is not meant for this sort of thinking or philosophizing like some scholar. This cannot continue, not in the direction it is going.

* * *

A/N: Here is the fifth chapter. I thank those of you who have reviewed! I've worked hard on these and they still seem to short. The next one I can promise will be long!


	6. Close Encounters

Chapter Six: 

Close Encounters

* * *

"_If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us."_ -Herman Hesse

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

I think that I have returned enough to a level of control to be able to write again. It has been long enough since I have written in this that it feels bizarre to have a brush in my hand again. My hands are not beautiful. They are callused and scarred from years of abuse. Handling weapons and making them tough on purpose so it doesn't hurt when you hit a person isn't exactly easy on them. It probably hasn't been that long but I'm not good at keeping track of the days on this ship. The dreams are still happening but I will learn how to defeat them. I am strong. I refuse to be weak.

My distance with Lord Iroh was broken at last yesterday. I joined him for a cup of tea like I used to all the time. As usual, he did most of the talking and I listened. I even played a game of Pai Sho to make him happy. It is a game I do not especially favor. Games of logic or mental challenges I do enjoy to keep my mind sharp, but this game does not seem to suit me. Games are a waste of time anyways. Childish endeavors.

It is late evening right now. Much happened to Lord Iroh today. No wonder the man is passed out in his quarters right now. My charge is not in the best of moods for he managed to let the Avatar slip right on by. I was fortunate enough to be there to protect him this time, but unfortunate on other cases…

* * *

_We had stopped as we tended to do to pick up new supplies and so on. Lord Iroh had disappeared off to bathe apparently. I was with my charge, following him as he pushed his way through some reeds. In fact, Lord Iroh had decided to wander off into the woods to go "bathe." Now here we were traipsing about in the hopes of finding him. In an Earth Kingdom forest. "Uncle! It's time to leave!" my charge yelled, "Where are you? Uncle Iroh!"_

_A fire soldier uniform was hanging low from a nearby tree, being Lord Iroh's uniform. He had to be near…and naked…I shuddered. His happy voice called out, "Over here." My charge went in the direction of his voice. In a small clearing, surrounded by tall and somewhat pleasant looking trees, Lord Iroh sat in natural tub made of rock. A stream fed water into it from rocks behind it. The water had steam rising from it. Lord Iroh must've been using his firebending. I was quite relieved that he was mostly submerged in the water. _

"_Uncle?" my charge said with a hint of disgust, "We need to move on, we're closing in on the Avatar's trail and I don't want to lose him!"I looked at the irritated face of my charge. He was not angry, only annoyed with this delay._

"_You look tired, Prince Zuko," Lord Iroh argued pleasantly, "Why don't you join me in these hot springs and soak away your troubles?" If that happened, which I doubt it would, I would have to find a good tree some distance away to find refuge behind. I am supposed to protect my charge, the equivalent of being around him all the time, but there are some things I don't want to see. Or know for that matter._

"_My troubles cannot be soaked away!" my charge exploded, "It's time to go!"_

"_You should take your teacher's advice and relax a little," Lord Iroh said leisurely, "The temperatures just right. I heated it myself." Lord Iroh then shifted in his sitting spot to put his hands together. Steam came out of his nostrils, reminding me of a dragon from the old days. My charge and I were then obscured by the billowing hot mist. We both attempted to swat it away. _

"_Enough! We need to leave now! Get out of the water!" my charge ordered with his anger contained. _

_Lord Iroh started to rise and I instantly turned my head away. What a creepy old man! He must have forgotten my presence here. Or maybe he was attempting to scare us away for it would most certainly work. _

_It did._

"_On second thought, why don't you take another few minutes," my charge reprimanded himself hastily, "but be back at the ship in a half an hour or I'm leaving you." He walked away in a faster pace than normal and I walked away even faster. We returned to the ship, but I spent the remainder of our time on the sweet solid ground at the port. After some time my charge came down the ramp of the ship. I was standing right at its base. "Nira, has my uncle returned?"_

"_No, Your Highness," I answered with a bow. My charge made a noise of annoyance. _

"_We're going to go look for him."_

"_As you wish, Your Highness." _

_A few minutes later and we were back gallivanting in the woods. Except this time we knew where we were going. Several of the soldiers accompanied us as my charge led the way. "Uncle! Uncle, where are you?" he yelled. _

_We entered the clearing were Lord Iroh had been bathing. The first thing I noticed besides his absence was the destruction of the rocky tub he'd been bathing in. It did not look natural…_

"_Sir, maybe he thought you left without him?" a soldier suggested. _

"_Something's not right here," my charge observed. He examined the ruined hot tub carefully. "That pile of rocks…"_

"_It looks like there's been a landslide sir," another soldier added. _

"_Land doesn't slide uphill. Those rocks didn't move naturally," my charge said hastily, "My uncle's been captured by earthbenders!" He had guessed right. I knew he would. "I am going to go get him. Return to the ship," he ordered. My eyes caught his and he nodded in consent. I would be coming with him. _

_One of the soldiers brought forth a war rhinoceros. My charge lifted himself up on to it without any effort. We would not be going by foot then. Confound it. War rhinoceros make me nervous. My charge rode up beside me and my view was of the beast's leathery skin and my charge's boot and leg. I looked up at his offered hand and accepted it. I rode behind him, holding onto him cautiously in the suspicion that I would fall off if I didn't. _

_We rode for several hours tracking the path of the earthbenders. My charge stopped the rhinoceros along the dirt road. We had been riding in silence but I broke it, "What is it, Your Highness?" _

_He jerked his head towards the road. A sandal lay there and he picked it up. He sniffed it and dropped it immediately. There was a look of disgust on his face as he turned to me and said, "Yup, that's Uncle Iroh."_

_Before I could control myself a touch of a smile formed on the corner of my lips. My charge noticed it but did not react. We continued on. _

_After some time when I had settled into observing the tracks and keeping a close eye on our surroundings my charge said suddenly, "The Avatar!" His head was turned around and I followed his gaze. Behind us the fluffy looking monster was flying off in the opposite direction. Talk about perfect timing…what was he going to do? He yanked the reins to turn around, but stopped. He looked at the trail and then back towards the Avatar's creature. There was indecision riddled across his face. I honestly did not know what he would do, but I hoped he would decide wisely. _

_We ended up going after Lord Iroh. _

_It took a few hours to finally track the man down. Lord Iroh truly knows how to get caught. From at a distance away I had heard a bit of ruckus as we traveled down the road. Sounded like Lord Iroh was busy. We came to an earthen pit where Lord Iroh was stretched over a large rock in the center with his hands spread before him. I had the unpleasant sight of him wearing barely any clothes. My charge dismounted as I did from the rhinoceros. Lord Iroh was surrounded by five earthbenders. My charge looked at me. I nodded. _

_One of the earthbenders said to Lord Iroh, "These hands must be crushed." They were going to crush his hands? The earthbender bended a huge boulder from the ground and had it hovering over Lord Iroh's hands. My charge had disappeared from my sight. I slipped down the hillside __quietly. Just when the earthbender was about to crush his hands, my charge came kicking it out of the way. He then broke the chains bounding Lord Iroh who stood with a smile. _

"_Excellent form, Prince Zuko," he beamed._

"_You taught me well," my charge replied simply. _

_The same earthbender from before challenged them. "Surrender yourselves, it's five against two. You're clearly outnumbered." They wouldn't be for long if I had anything to do about it. I always liked to have an entrance. _

_Lord Iroh and my charge were back to back. "Uh, that's true, but you are clearly outmatched!" Lord Iroh declared valiantly. That I could agree with._

_All five of the earthbenders began to launch stones at them. This should be fun I thought. Lord Iroh began to swing his chains and break the stones like glass, while my charge blasted the two nearest him with fire. I decided to step in. Why let them have all the fun after all? I was not worried. These earthbenders were nothing. My charge was about to have two of the soldiers throw some wonderfully large boulders at him. Lord Iroh stopped them by rebounding them back at the earthbenders with his chains. The two earthbenders were hit in the stomach and fell to the ground. Two down, three more to go. One of them had his back faced to me and I crept up behind him. Too easy. With a simple applied pressure by my hand to the man's temple he was knocked out cold. Lord Iroh's eyes caught mine and they were laughing._

_The other two earthbenders looked at me confused but kept on fighting. The one who was in charge launched several stones at my charge which he blocked with returned fire. The man lowered his head and the fire seemed to just harmlessly stop on it. The earthbender then raised two large sheets or rock into the air. Not good. I rushed towards my charge and pushed him out of the way, causing him to sprawl to the ground with an 'oof!' a few feet away. I found out several seconds later there had been no need. Lord Iroh had caught the man's leg and arms with his chains and had caused the overconfident bender to have the slabs above him fall onto himself. _

_My charge stood up from the ground with a tiny glare in my direction. I nodded. He would live. All around us the earthbenders were half-buried in the dirt and moaning in pain. I glanced over at my charge and Lord Iroh to see my charge putting his hand onto Lord Iroh's shoulder. "Now would you please put on some clothes!" he pleaded. Lord Iroh grinned sheepishly. _

_My charge began to walk towards the rhinoceros. "The Avatar was near here. We're going to find out where he was." He explained as he hopped on. _

_Lord Iroh pulled himself up onto the rhinoceros surprisingly gracefully. "Well…I'd rather be going back to the ship, Prince Zuko," Lord Iroh began with a yawn. _

_My charge turned around and glared at him. "We are going after the Avatar, Uncle." He said with a warning edge. I came up to the rhinoceros considering my options. I needed to be there to protect my charge, but the idea of being behind Lord Iroh… "Nira? What are you doing?" my charge snapped. Lord Iroh winked at me._

_The journey from then on consisted of Lord Iroh rambling on about tea or some sort of random proverb. I just attempted to space out to get through the ordeal. We came to a walled village. It was strange for several of the buildings seem to have been damaged by force. To my own annoyance I had difficulty keeping my eyes open. My charge leapt off of the rhinoceros. No one in the town was out and about considering it was night. The stars above us twinkled on as they always do. I followed my charge as Lord Iroh stayed on the rhinoceros. A man walked outside of one building. He was styled in the typical Earth Kingdom garb and was in no way unusual. He sighed and rubbed his forehead as he walked out the door unaware of my charge's presence. My charge confronted him. "Having trouble sleeping?" he pushed the man against the door. "Seen the Avatar lately?"_

* * *

We made it back the ship early in the morning after my charge terrified the Earth Kingdom man. That man will have nightmares for weeks I bet. I have not had any time to sleep. I am trained to go for long periods of time without rest, but clearly I have been lax on my own training. I am becoming soft. Right now we are closing in on the Avatar and things are not good. The Avatar is headed for Fire Nation waters. Somewhere we cannot go. I must go.

* * *

It is like some frantic need urges me to write everything down as soon as it happens. In case something happens…anyways here I am again. Alive as always as is my charge, albeit still in a sour mood. Here is what happened…

_The sun was high in the morning sky, beating down on the weary ship as we sped through the still ocean waters. My charge was looking relentlessly through the telescope to locate the Avatar. Lord Iroh and I stood behind him. Lord Iroh was not in a pleased mood nor was I. Sailing into Fire Nation waters would __**not **__be a good idea. "Sailing into Fire Nation waters?" Lord Iroh criticized him with concern and frustration, "of all the foolish things you have done in your sixteen years, Prince Zuko, this is the most foolish!" I couldn't agree any more. _

"_I have no choice, Uncle." My charge replied sternly. I considered bashing his head in and turning the ship around. He would be angry with me, but safe._

"_Have you completely forgotten that the Fire Lord banished you?!" Lord Iroh said with his voice rising at the end. I looked at the anguish in his eyes and quickly looked away. "What if you're caught?"_

_My charge turned around from the spyglass with his face determined as he spoke to Lord Iroh. "I'm chasing the Avatar. My father will understand why I'm returning home."_

_I was tempted to speak out, but it was not my place. I would leave it to Lord Iroh as usual. "You give him too much credit. My brother is not the understanding type," Lord Iroh muttered with a sharp look in his eyes. _

_My charge turned back to the spyglass without responding. "There they are!" he exclaimed excited a few moments later. He turned to yell up at the control deck behind us, "Helmsman, full steam ahead!" _

_Several minutes later and we were down on the deck, preparing to fire a catapult at the Avatar and his flying animal. The smoldering missile did not smell good, at all. Lord Iroh fanned himself with a look of disgust on his face. "Really, Prince Zuko, couldn't you shoot them down with something more fragrant?" he moaned. _

_My charge shot fire onto the projectile, making it catch alight with an intense fire. "On my mark," he ordered, "Fire!"_

_I watched as the animal swerved out of the way of the fiery projectile. A bright shining caught my eye in the distance. It was…_

"_A blockade!" my charge said horrified. This was not good news at all. Before us a double line of Fire Nation war ships were stretched out as far out as my eye could see. _

_Beside me Lord Iroh said with consideration, "Technically you are still in Earth Kingdom waters. Turn back now and they cannot arrest you." I thought it a solid plan but the glare my charge gave to Lord Iroh spoke otherwise. The Avatar continued to press forward. _

"_He's not turning around," my charge stated. Oh no…_

"_Please Prince Zuko," Lord Iroh pleaded, "If the Fire Nation captures you, there is nothing I can do. Do not follow the Avatar."_

_My charge looked at Lord Iroh with his flaxen eyes and I knew there was no changing his mind. His eyes met mine and I conveyed my message, 'Turn back...please…turn back now.' He turned his eyes from mine. He bowed his head. "I'm sorry, Uncle." He turned to the helmsman and pointed forward. "Run the blockade!" My throat constricted. There was no possible way we could get past them. Everything would be destroyed that my charge had worked for. He would be captured and I…_

_Fire balls began to ascend in the air around us, reminding me of gigantic fire flies. Smoke trailed behind them against the blue sky. The waves around the ship became larger and rocked the ship ruthlessly. One fireball hit the back of the ship and the ship shuddered. I braced myself against the catapult as my charge did. My charge turned around at the yelling of the engine master, "Prince Zuko, the engines are damaged! We need to stop and make repairs!" I turned my eyes towards the black smoke that billowed from the back of the ship._

_My charge shouted back with all his command in his voice. "Do not stop this ship!" My charge had gone raving mad, but I would always follow him. He is my charge. Ahead of us the Avatar had to avoid at least a dozen fiery missiles that came at him. I was glad I wasn't on that huge fur ball. They were not going to make it as we surely were not going to. The ships in the blockade ahead of us began to close in._

"_We're in a collision course!" Lord Iroh hollered. _

"_We can make it!" my charge said back bravely. I really hoped so…_

_Shocking enough he was right…for they let us go through. The ships in the blockade halted. We slid right through without being stopped. I could see soldiers on the other ships staring at us as we stared right back. What was this? I looked at Lord Iroh to see him stroking his beard thoughtfully. My charge gripped the railing in front of him with clenched hands. _"_What's he up too, Uncle? Why didn't Commander Zhao arrest me?" my charge asked bewildered. _

"_Because he wants to follow you," Lord Iroh explained in a heavy voice, "He knows you'll lead him to the prize you're both after…the Avatar."_

_The next time I saw Zhao he was a dead man. He dared to challenge my charge yet again?_

"_If Zhao wants to follow our trail of smoke, then that's exactly what I'll let him do," My charge replied with mouth set determined. I think I knew what he had planned._

_Before I knew it my charge was on the smaller ship that we sometimes use. It was being lowered from the back hatch of the ship where we would then proceed to follow the Avatar. Hopefully the smoke would cover us from the view of Commander Zhao. Not a bad plan for my charge, not bad at all. This time I was coming with him. He would have to tie me up to keep me from going! He did not protest when I had walked on board behind him. He spoke up to Lord Iroh who would remain behind on the ship. "Uncle, keep heading north. Zhao will follow the smoke trail whole I use it as a cover." _

_We started to sail away and I looked up at the disapproving look on Lord Iroh's face. Did he not agree with this plan?_

_We landed on a crescent island, which is nothing more than a small island made of volcanic rock and is an active volcano. The only thing on the island is the Fire Sage's Temple. My charge led the way and I followed as we entered the towering building. It took us some time and it was even more difficult to remain undetected. We came to the sanctuary wich the Avatar was apparently trying to enter, from what my charge and I had been watching anyways. _

_Before us was a huge door made of intertwining dragon heads. It was quite amazing. We stood behind a large pillar and I listened carefully to the words exchanged between the Fire Sages who now also hunted the Avatar. They no longer served the Avatar, but the Fire Lord now. I guess __waiting a hundred years would do that to you too. "Hurry! The Avatar has entered the sanctuary!" one bellowed. _

"_How did he get in?" another asked._

"_I don't know," the one from before replied, "but look at the scorch marks and down there!" The Avatar was already inside? I looked at my charge and saw the calculation in his eyes. I gave him a questioning glance and he scowled. He directed his eyes towards another column and there was a shadow of a small figure. Perhaps not. The Avatar was somewhat intelligent after all. Why did he want to come here though? Why go through all this trouble?_

"_He's inside," a fire sage said, "open the doors immediately before he contacts Avatar Roku!"_

_Contact Avatar Roku? How is such a thing possible? The man is dead! I decided not to think about it. This kind of thing is totally beyond my understanding. Just stick to thinking about the task ahead. Protect your charge. That's all that matters. I heard the fire blasts from the sages as they opened the doors. Interesting way to use a door lock. One of the fire sages exclaimed in shock, "It's the Avatar's lemur! He must have crawled through the pipes! We've been tricked!"_

_What in the…? I looked over to see where my charge was standing, but he was no longer there. I looked around frantically too see him sneaking behind another pillar. I heard the sounds of scuffling and one of the fire sages crying out, "Now, Aang!"_

_The sound of the Water Tribe's girl's voice yelled, "Aang! Now's your chance!"_

_I peeked around my hiding spot to see my charge grabbing the Avatar's arms from behind him. He walked into view of the Water Tribe peasants and the Fire Sages. "The Avatar's coming with me!" he said harshly. _

_At this, the other Fire Sages were released and they tied up the Water Tribe peasants and the apparent traitor to one of the columns. The peculiar flying lemur had flown up towards the ceiling. I remained where I was. What was the point in revealing my presence when I might be needed later? Best to stay hidden and surprise everyone later. "Close the doors! Quickly!" my charge ordered with the Avatar still in his grip. He started for the secret tunnel that led through the temple, one that the Avatar had used earlier. The Avatar struggled in his arms and I slipped quietly from behind the column to follow my charge. The Water Tribe peasants were surprised by my presence as well as the fire sages. They did not speak to me as I approached my charge. When my charge reached the opening of the tunnel the Avatar moved swifter then I would have thought possible. In a blinking of an eye my charge was tumbling down the stairs and the Avatar making way quickly towards the closing sanctuary doors. _

"_Go!" screamed the Water Tribe girl. The Avatar leapt through the air to avoid several fire blasts from the sages. He actually stepped onto their heads of the two that stood in front of the door and flew in through the closing door. I had pulled one of my knives and thrown it, but it had __merely bounced off of the closing doors as they boomed shut and the locks grinded it locked. A bright flash of light temporarily blinded everyone as the door had closed. "He made it!" the Water Tribe girl exclaimed relieved. _

_My charge walked up the steps behind me with a disgruntled glare. "Quickly," he directed at the fire sages, well the four really, "Open the doors!" The four of them and my charge aligned in front of the door and blasted the lock at the same time. The lock did not respond and the door remained shut. "Why isn't it working? It's sealed shut!" _

"_It must have been the light. Avatar Roku doesn't want us inside." One of old fire sages explained in a shaking voice. I glanced over at where the Water Tribe peasants were bound. I had not been this up close to them before. They were most certainly brother and sister. The girl had dark hair that was in a braid with several strands in loops. The boy's hair was in a knot, but most of his scalp was shaved. They were both dressed in light blue garments; dark skinned, and had the same blue eyes. Nothing spectacular. They both glared in my direction, but mostly at my charge._

_My charge's voice brought my attention back to him. "Nira, bring that traitor over here," he barked. I nodded. I went over and pulled the bound fire sage to his feet. The man was older, but seemed younger then several of the other fire sages. He had lighter golden eyes and an appealing face. I almost felt bad for him before I stopped myself. I brought him over to my charge, avoiding looking into the bound man's eyes. The man knelt on the floor as my charge questioned him. "Why did you help the Avatar?"_

"_Because it was once the Sage's duty," he answered him in a tone of sincerity, "It is still our duty." Duty…that was something I understood. No wonder this man had betrayed his fellow sages, but was his allegiance not to the Fire Lord? Or should it still be to the Avatar as it once was? This only made my head hurt, so I stopped those thoughts as soon as they arrived. _

_My eyes were caught by the familiar flash of Fire Nation armor. Behind my charge, Commander Zhao stood with eight soldiers behind him and a dragon statue that seemed right in place behind him. Damn, this man had a way of showing up at the worst of times. As a bodyguard, I am not supposed to feel, but this a true exception. I genuinely hate this man to my very core. He has attempted to thwart my charge's efforts and even to harm him! The man was clapping as he came forward. "What a moving and heartfelt performance. I'm certain the Fire Lord will understand when you explain why you betrayed him," he announced sarcastically. _

_The Fire Sages bowed. "Commander Zhao," one greeted him respectfully. Ha! That man is not even worthy enough to polish my charge's boots. _

"_And Prince Zuko, it was a noble effort. But your little smoke screen didn't work," Commander Zhao continued, he looked around the scene pleased. "Two traitors, in one day, the Fire Lord will be pleased." He had a gleeful look as he looked around. One of the soldiers came forward __and grabbed my charge. I made a movement towards him, but another one of the soldiers grabbed my arm and yanked it painfully behind my back. I stopped moving instantly. Commander Zhao watched this pass with amused eyes. _

"_You're too late, Zhao," my charge proclaimed with a hint of satisfaction, "The Avatar's inside and the doors are sealed." _

"_No matter. Sooner or later, he has to come out," Commander Zhao replied smoothly. He turned to his soldiers. "When those doors open, unleash all of your firebending power." He looked at my charge with a smirk. "Tie him up like the others."_

_The soldier holding my charge almost dragged him to another one of the columns and bound him. The one holding my arm had a tight grip and was much stronger and bigger them me. Typical. A deep voice came from behind me as he asked, "What about this one, sir?" _

_Commander Zhao turned his eyes towards me and my heart pounded more than it should. There was a look on his face, almost predatory, that disturbed me. "Tie her up as well," he said with a wave of his hand. The soldier did not have to drag me as I walked over to the same column my charge was tied up at. The soldier bound with me chains to the column was well. My charge was looking furious. _

_I leaned over to his ear and whispered, "What is your plan, Your Highness?" _

_He didn't turn his head but replied in a low, but rushed voice, "I don't know, but I'll figure it out."_ _I almost sighed in frustration. There was nothing we could do but watch as the next events unfolded minutes later._

_A white light beamed through the cracks of the sanctuary door. Zhao and his soldiers stood like status against the light as they assumed their firebending stances. Smoke poured from underneath the door. The light became so intense that I had to shut my eyes. I heard Commander Zhao say to his soldiers in a rather unsteady voice, "Ready?" The man was afraid. Good. _

_I opened my eyes as the sound of the door opening. There was only darkness from it, but then two large, glowing eyes became visible. The smoke continued to billow from the room. I heard the Water Tribe girl screech, "No! Aang!" _

"_Fire!" Commander Zhao yelled. All of his soldiers, including himself, blasted the entrance of the sanctuary. The flames did not enter, but instead became a gigantic ball of swirling flame. The ball slowly began to open and at its heart stood the shape of an old man in old fashioned Fire Nation dress. The man's eyes were glowing. _

"_Avatar Roku," the traitor fire sage gasped. I was standing gaping myself. This was the last Avatar? What in the name of….? Avatar Roku then proceeded to bring the fire ball into himself and shoot it across the room. I could feel the searing heat. Commander Zhao and his soldiers were knocked down to the floor. Luckily for us the heat blasted off of the chains that had bound __us. My charge took off running and I followed him instantly with no problem. This stuff was way beyond me for certain. _

* * *

We got out of there just in time. When we took off in the ship, I looked behind me to see the temple sinking down the ground all aflame. My charge did not say a word and nor me to him. I was thankful to whatever spirits that watched over him had also kept me alive as well. My charge has an ability to scrape his way out of any situation it would seem. I hope his luck doesn't wear out, for then he would only have me. I have not proven myself to be the bodyguard I should be of late.

We arrived several hours later in the cold night to a very worried Lord Iroh. I left my charge to his wrath as I slipped away to my chamber unnoticed. I did not think I would be as relieved as I am now to be in this claustrophobic room. Today was too close for my comfort and on more than one occasion. I will fall asleep as I customarily do because I have made it a tradition to write before I sleep. I think I will be too exhausted to even dream tonight, which will be a blessing in itself.

* * *

A/N: This chapter took me awhile to write. I hope you all liked it! Reviews would be really appreciated!


	7. Perspectives and Pirates

Chapter Seven:

Perspectives and Pirates

* * *

"_We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are". _-Anaïs Nin

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

We are back to trailing the Avatar via on the ship as before. The events that occurred seem almost distant now that I am back in my usual routine. Now I am training harder than before, for those events were evident of how weak I have become. I am training longer and more difficult than before. I _must_be unattached. Emotionless like the depthless ocean.Yesterday Lord Iroh requested my presence on the top deck for tea. I attended as was expected, but the conversation that we had there was unwanted and unexpected. At least no one over heard it which I am at least thankful for…

_I sat down next to the low, small table that had only a tea pot and two fragile cups. Lord Iroh sat to my right on plushy cushions. I had refused to have any. The sun was beginning to get lower in the western sky. There were gray clouds here and there with the sky peaking through. A light wind breezed on, but it was not cold. Lord Iroh's face was almost guarded but filled with his usual merry character. I kept my own face blank. "Nira, I'm glad you took the time to come have tea with me," he said warmly, "You fortunately understand the joys of good tea unlike my nephew. It's tragic that he doesn't."_

_I bowed my head. "Thank you, Lord Iroh, but the honor is mine," I answered in a detached tone. _

_Lord Iroh took a hearty swig from his cup of tea. I raised mine and took a smell. Reminded me of a pine smell almost. I took a sip and was surprised by a different, almost tangy flavor. Lord Iroh saw my questioning eyes. "I wanted to try something new," he admitted with a twinkle in his eyes, "do you like it?" _

"_Yes."_

"_Good," he said happily, "I heard once that __if a man has no tea in him, he is incapable of understanding truth and beauty (1). Tea is necessary to a complete life, something I'm pleased that you recognize." I merely nodded in response. It was better not to say anything and let Lord Iroh do most of the talking. Not to forget he was in one of his philosophizing moods! His next words startled me. "Nira, may I tell you a story?"_

_I was in the middle of gulping down some tea and nearly choked on it. The way he had said it reminded me of the Guardian, the tone was almost the same…distant, and yet empowered with emotion. Lord Iroh saw the consent in my eyes and thus he began in a quieter voice. "I guess you know that I had a bodyguard of my own once. His name was Reizo and he was a good friend." _

_I took a long drink from my tea, letting it scald my tongue. I knew this name and the story behind it. Did Lord Iroh know the entirety of it? That his own son's bodyguard has failed to save him for __she had tried to protect another at the same time? That Reizo was truly a disgrace to the Society for he had married, had a child, and befriended his charge? _

_Lord Iroh's voice became softer as he continued while occasionally taking a sip of his tea. "You would not know this, but Reizo married and had a daughter. His wife was an amazing woman and a bodyguard like yourself." He paused as if waiting for me to ask a question._

"_Go on," I prodded in an impartial voice. _

"_She died in childbirth. It broke Reizo apart. His daughter was raised with my own son Lu Ten whom he considered as his own. We were like brothers, him and I," Lord Iroh's face became grave and his tone traced with old pain. "He died at Ba Sing Se with my son Lu Ten while trying to protect him and his daughter. She had become my son's bodyguard when she was old enough." _

_Why was he telling me this? What was the importance of such as story and a personal one at that for him? "Lord Iroh," I interrupted carefully, "why are you telling me this?" _

"_Reizo was your kin and this story is of importance to yourself," he justified with his darker, golden eyes. His grey eyebrows frowned as he spoke again, "and because you remind me of his daughter." _

"_His daughter?" I asked abruptly, utterly started by his words, "Did she not die at Ba Sing Se?"_

_Lord Iroh's face became surprised as well. "No, she didn't. Why do you say that?"_

_I could not lie to this man for the look of honesty in his face makes one not able to. And I was curious myself as to the differences in our stories for they were his memories, he had been there. "The Guardian told me she had." _

"_The leader of the Society?" he murmured back, "She is Reizo's daughter." I set my tea back down and attempted to hide any more of my emotion. Lord Iroh caught on as he always did. "She survived and returned to the Society. I have not seen her since, but I knew of her becoming the Guardian some time ago. She was…changed after my son's death."_

"_She loved him, didn't she?" I asked him, unable to hold my control, "The Guardian said that Reizo's daughter…herself, had failed." I did not mention that she had said that she, Reizo's daughter, had loved his son. I took my teacup back into my hands, letting its heat warm my hands. My eyes reflected in its murky water and I did not even recognize them. Those eyes were troubled…mine should not be. _

_Lord Iroh's look was the same, yet somehow there was a significant expression there that I could not understand. "Yes, she did," he said thoughtfully, "I'm surprised she told you this. Do you know why she did?" _

_I maintained my lack of expression. "I only met her once two years ago; it was to teach me a lesson."_

"_What lesson would that be?"_

_My attention suddenly became keener on my tea. "It is of no relevance now, Lord Iroh," I answered him firmly, hinting that the topic was now closed. _

_When I looked back at him he had his usual merry expression back. "Nira," he said with a hint of slyness, "Have I ever told you about the time when I met my first love?"_

_I shook my head. Lord Iroh continued such talk for some time as he usually does. He likes to talk about such things and I have managed to learn a lot from him, some things I would in particular like to be able to forget. For example, I now know the true purpose of poetry for its uses with the ladies, as Lord Iroh would put it. Does he forget that I am a girl and that I have no interest in such things otherwise? My guess it is his way of poking fun at me. That trickster look in his eyes tells it all anyhow. "Excuse me Lord Iroh," I said while beginning to stand, "The tea and your company was an honor as always, but I must go." _

_He grinned. "As always," he repeated back. I bowed and began to walk towards the stairs which would take me down into the ship's interior. Lord Iroh's voice made me halt, "Names have always been important to the Society. You had a different name once." I turned slowly to look at him. He had his hands resting on the table, cupped around his cup of tea. He was frowning as he had before and seemed to almost be lost in thought. "But the name you have now is still important to certain people. Her name was Nira, Reizo's wife."_

_My face felt cold all of sudden, as if we were back at the South Pole. I could not even begin to find the rights words…any words to be honest. _

"_You're wondering why you have her name. I heard once that if names are not correct, language will not be in accordance with the truth of things (2)," he said with his eyes becoming more into the present._

_I finally found my tongue again. "What is that suppose to mean?"_

_Lord Iroh shook his head. "Here I thought you might have an ability to understand my proverbs, you're as bad as my nephew. She was Keitaro's little sister." _

_Keitaro had chosen my name after his sister? A woman who had been a disgrace and died in childbirth...Why…? Some things I will never understand, but it is best not to dwell on these things. I gave a small nod to Lord Iroh and turned to leave. When I had reached the beginning of the stairs that led downwards, into the darkness of the ship, I asked, "You knew him well, Master Keitaro?" _

"_Yes," was the response behind me, "He helped to train Keiya, his niece, and he was once the Guardian himself." _

_I walked into the shadows without another word. _

These things, why did he have to tell them to me? How could they possibly be of any importance to me? So my master named me after his dead sister, so what? _Nira. _In some ways it is who I am, but at times, only flashes, when things such as this come…I remember a different name. That girl is dead though. She died eleven years ago. I am Nira. I am a bodyguard. Nothing more.

**My **Master Keitaro was once the Guardian? I had always thought he had wished to be the Guardian. Why had he lost his position? That honor is held onto till death or the person relinquishes it, which is unheard of! And to think that his niece, the current Guardian is perhaps no more than ten years older than me max! How could this have come to pass? Weirdest of all was her name, Keiya…it means _hope_. That is not a usual name for a bodyguard. Their new names that they are given when they enter the Society are usually common Fire Nation names with no special meanings or connections. These things are in the past and not of my affair, yet somehow they seem _connected_ to me. As if there is something I should be able to learn from this. The thing is that I do not know what that is supposed to be and that bothers me the most.

* * *

I wrote the last entry yesterday and the past two days have been eventful to say the least. Yesterday I was out on the deck with my charge as he trained as he usually did. I was standing and watching with critical eyes on his fighting. I do not instruct him of course, but it is almost a pleasure to watch him. He is improving and is a good firebender. If only I were a firebender then I would not be as weak as I am. All the masters back at the Society had thought it my singular most downfall and a horrible decision that I should be the one to guard an heir to the throne. Keitaro had always said that because of that I must be stronger. He was right.

Back to the story, he was training when all of a sudden the ship started to tilt to starboard. My charge was knocked off balance and I was slightly as well. My charge then declared in a shocked and furious voice, "Someone's changing our course!"

I followed him as he stormed up to the control deck. He looked like he was going to strangle the helmsman as he approached him. "What's the meaning of this mutiny?" he demanded, "No one told you to change course!"

I stood near my charge, but behind my charge, Lord Iroh and several other crewmen were playing Pai Sho. From the looks of it Lord Iroh was winning. "Actually, someone did." Lord Iroh corrected him, "I assure you it is a matter of utmost importance, Prince Zuko."

"Is it something to do with the Avatar?" my charge asked eagerly.

"Even more urgent," Lord Iroh lamented, "I've lost my lotus tile!"

_What?_ He had changed course because he had lost a game piece…? My charge looked as mystified as I felt. "Lotus tile?" he repeated dumbfounded.

"For my Pai Sho game," Lord Iroh explained while keeping his eyes on his game, "Most people think the lotus tile insignificant, but it is essential for the unusual strategy that I employ."

"You've changed our course for a stupid lotus tile?" my charge replied quivering with fury.

"See, you, like most people, underestimate its value. Just give me ten minutes to check the merchants at this port of call. Hopefully they'll have the lotus tile in stock and I can get on with my life!"

My charge had difficulty containing his anger and ended up releasing flames from his mouth which licked the ceiling. Smoke filled the room as I heard Lord Iroh say, "I'm lucky to have such an understanding nephew." I wanted to bash my head against the wall. Lord Iroh is a crazy old man!

* * *

Several hours later and we were at said port. We were in a bustling, seaport market place that was filled with the usual Earth Kingdom varieties. Many of were rather suspicious characters in my opinion. The sky above was filled with squawking sea gulls as the sun shined. Beside me my charge stood sullenly with his arms crossed across his chest. Lord Iroh came up to us somewhat out of breath. "I've checked all the shops on this pier. Not a lotus tile in the entire marketplace!" he bemoaned. This trip had been completely ridiculous, and for what? Nothing! Even I was irritated with Lord Iroh and I had not conversed with him privately since our last conversation. I do not socialize with others, he is the only person I ever converse with much.

My charge suddenly released his anger as he yelled, "It's good to know this trip was a complete waste of time for everyone!" I could not have said it better myself, but I was a little glad to be on land again.

"Quite the contrary," Lord Iroh said with utter joy that made me suspicious, "I always say the only thing better than finding something you were looking for, is finding something you weren't looking for at a great bargain!" Right as he said this a parade of my charge's soldiers and crew walked by carrying armloads of merchandise that Lord Iroh had evidently purchased. One walked by with a peculiar metal instrument. Lord Iroh has a music night on the ship that I have always avoided. Their music does penetrate the ventilation system and I have fallen asleep to it. I have no musical authority or background, but I did not think them to be terrible. I had not heard anyone play anything before them.

"You bought a sungi horn?" my charge asked astonished with a tinge of curiosity for what the spirits it could be for.

"For music night on the ship," Lord Iroh stated in a matter-of-the-fact way, "Now, if we only had some woodwinds!" He began to prowl down the dock and my charge followed and I did as was the routine. Lord Iroh started to head for a wooden ship with bright red-orange sails. Some of its goods were outside to lure customers in. "This place looks promising!" Lord Iroh remarked enthusiastically. My charge followed him muttering darkly underneath his breath.

On board the ship Lord Iroh looked through the items that caught his eye until his eyes came upon arguably one of the most spirits forsaken ugly item amongst all of the wares. It was a small (and gaudy!) stone statue of a creature with bared teeth and glowing red jewel eyes that also served as its collar. "Ooo! That is handsome!" Lord Iroh said, almost squealing with joy, "Wouldn't it look magnificent in the galley?" His manner can remind me of a small child's at times.

My charge was eavesdropping on a conversation between two blatantly obvious pirates. One was older with long grey hair, dressed in better clothes then his inferior, and from the way he held himself the captain. The other man was even more unpleasant and uncouth then his captain. My charge was doing his eavesdropping, but I could read their lips from across the room. He does not even know that I can. Maybe if he just asked for my help…I put my attention back towards Lord Iroh who had picked up the hideous statue with a huge grin on his face. I turned at my charge's voice as he walked over towards the pirate captain, "This monk, did he have an arrow on his head?"

* * *

Turned out the Avatar and the Water Tribe Peasants had stolen a waterbending scroll from the pirates only a short time before we arrived. Talk about coincidental or what. This trip turned out not to be a waste of my charge's time after all. The Avatar must be desperate to start learn waterbending. The girl is a waterbender if I recall correctly. My charge made a mention of it in passing after the first encounter with the Avatar. The girl probably never learned either considering there's pretty much no water benders left in the South Pole. The Fire Nation captured or killed them all, along with their city. Anyways, my charge ended up cutting a deal with the pirates. They help him look for the Avatar, not that they know that the "bald monk" was the Avatar, and they'd get their scroll back from the Water Tribe girl at the same time. Convenient, but dangerous. Pirates are not the type you can trust easily. I whispered a warning of it to my charge but he had only condemned me for it was "not my place" as he had said. He was right of course.

I was on my charge's smaller ship and the pirate ship sailed next to us down the river. A forest surrounded the river, dense with green foliage. The sun was setting making the sky around us glow in warm colors. A short distance away my charge stood conversing with the pirate captain while I watched carefully. A green parrot was on the captain's shoulder. I read their lips.

"Shouldn't we stop to search the woods?" the pirate captain asked.

"We don't need to stop," my charge replied with a calculating look in his eyes, "They stole a waterbending scroll, right?" The other man made some sort noise of consent. "Then they'll be on the water." My charge finished. He explained more to this pirate then he did me. I felt a bizarre sensation in my gut that seemed to hiss. The feeling was slippery, as powerful as anger which I seemed to feel a lot these days, yet different. It would take me the hour or so as we floated down the river to figure out what it was… _jealousy_…

It was twilight when we finally encountered something. In the distance the sound of the Water Tribe girl's voice carried as she was obviously attempting to waterbend. At this time in the evening? That girl must have discipline, something that made me begin to feel a recognization or salutation to her for her efforts. Her efforts though had exposed her location and at the same time had betrayed her companions. Pathetic. My charge's ship slipped up onto the shore as a distraction as others came around from the other side to trap her. I followed my charge in time to see the girl bend a stream of water into a pirate who had been holding her. She turned around to run into my charge's waiting grasp. "I'll save you from the pirates." He said with an ironic twist in his words.

The girl was then bound to a nearby tree which I was ordered to do by my charge. Guess he did not want any of the pirates to be touching her. That I could understand. Why be extra cruel like that to this whelp of a waterbender? She said not one word to me but only glared at me vehemently. I did my task as quickly as possible with making no eye connection to her. She's near my age and I have had little association with other teenagers besides my charge. There had been others of my age back at the Society but in the last few years of a novice's training, one their distances themselves from their fellow novices.

My charge was the one to question her. "Tell me where he is and I won't hurt you or your brother."

She spat with her eyes at him. "Go jump in the river!" she snarled. I stood next to my charge and could feel this girl's wrath. I could understand it though. We had followed them around for weeks, constantly trying to capture them. Not to forget we were Fire Nation and she was Water Tribe.

My charge took a different approach and his voice became silky as he walked around her. "Try to understand, I need to capture the Avatar to restore something I've lost. My honor. Perhaps in exchange I can restore something you've lost." At his last words he held up the girl's necklace to her neck.

My own hand touched my own which rested underneath my clothes at the girl's next words. "My mother's necklace!" Her eyes were aflame when she hissed at my charge, "How did you get it?" I had been right all along, it was important to her. I let my hand fall away from my chest. There is no attachment. No feeling at all. No sympathy. Nothing.

"I didn't steal it; if that's what you're wondering," my charge stated back as he walked back in front of her, "Tell me where he is!"

"No!" she yelled. It would probably be much easier to just torture her to get the answer, but the thought of it made my stomach turn. Even if it did work, who's to say the tortured person would not just say anything to make it stop? Some from the Society might have suggested it, but Master Keitaro had frowned upon acts like that. I was quietly thankful my charge would never do such a thing.

The pirate captain walked forward abruptly. I could see the irritation with the current situation across his face like an open scroll. "Enough of this necklace garbage!" he growled, "You promised the scroll!"

My charge pulled out the scroll and made a ball of fire with his other hand. He held the scroll above it in a taunting gesture. "I wonder how much money this is worth?" he said quietly. He moved the scroll closer to the flame and the pirates gasped. Several 'no's' were cried out by those with less control. "A lot, apparently. Now you help me find what I want, you'll get this back and everyone goes home happy. Search the woods for the boy and meet back here."

"Fine," the captain replied bitterly. The pirates then quietly slipped away but there was anger in their eyes. They would try get back at my charge if they could. I have to admit, my charge has great skill at persuading people, but not without making enemies. If he keeps doing this he'll have way too many enemies for me to keep track of!

Now there was nothing to do but wait till the pirates returned. Lord Iroh sneaked about the edge of the group and ended up leaning against a tree half-asleep. The other soldiers gathered around each other, alert, but socializing amongst themselves. My charge stalked off only a short distance away with his back to me, facing the silent river. The Water Tribe girl was to my right by only a few feet away as I kept an observant eye on my charge. The girl unexpectedly spoke in a low voice and of all things it was directed at me. I was the only one who stood close enough to her to be able to hear her. "What's your name?" The question was asked in innocent curiosity by the earnest, open look on her face. She was tired, angry, but curious enough to ask my name. Somehow it reminded me of Ryda when he had spoken to me...about Koun and…I slapped myself mentally away from that thinking. I suppose she just might be curious since she had seen me before. I did not even know her name. Society would dictate that even enemies should know each other's names, polite society that is.

I saw no harm in it and it would help to pass the time. "Nira," I answered her with an aloof attitude. There can be no feeling any sort of pity for an enemy or empathy. Besides the Water Tribe is an inferior nation and race, that is what most at the Society and in the Fire Nation would teach. All the other nations are weak compared to us. Keitaro had always instructed to try to see past things and not to take the face of it. Even these…thoughts can cloud my own mind, assumptions that are not always true. Many of the things said of the Earth Kingdom are not true. I found that out myself over the last two years. Why would my nation make lies like these? Why am I always going off with these kinds of thoughts?! I shook myself back to the present. The girl's face was still honest in its curiosity. "What's yours?" I whispered back. Enemies should know each other's names I reasoned as an excuse.

"Katara," she returned. Her face conveyed shock that I had actually answered her, and worst yet that I was being civil in a way.

I took in a long breath before I spoke in a quiet voice again with a collected look. "The Avatar, his name is Aang, is it not?"

Her eyes widened a little, most likely from surprise. "Yes," she answered simply.

"The other one?"

"You mean Sokka?" she asked with a troubled frown. "He's my brother."

"I could tell," I retorted, unable to hold my tongue.

She scowled at this in a way that reminded me of my charge. He still stood brooding at the river. It would be good if he did not see me conversing with the prisoner. "Why are you asking all these questions?" she inquired coolly.

"I am…" I halted at the word that was ready to fall from my lips…_curious_…just as she was. Curiosity can be a dangerous thing. It would be better if we did not speak any more. I turned sharply and walked away from her without looking back. I joined my charge and he did not even turn to look at me, that is how familiar he is with my presence. Together we looked out at the dark river, lost in our own thoughts.

Just when the sky was touched by the morning light the pirates returned with the Avatar and the Water Tribe…Sokka in tow. My charge had formed his men behind himself when their presence had become known. I stood behind him, alert for any danger. Katara was still bound to the tree between the two groups and Lord Iroh stood near here. My charge held the scroll in his hand. "Nice work," he commented almost sincerely.

" Aang, this is all my fault." The Water…Katara called out to the Avatar with apology on her face. I began to think their names in my head instead of what I usually call them. I do not know if this is a good or bad thing, or if it does not matter either way.

"No, Katara it isn't." The Avatar said kindly. His young face was not angry, but only filled with relief at her being alright. They were friends, that much was common knowledge, but there was almost too much…

"Yeah, it kind of is," Lord Iroh noted dryly.

"Give me the boy!" my charge ordered at the pirate captain.

"You give us the scroll," the man rebutted.

Katara's brother, Sokka, spoke to the pirate's in an appealing tone. "You're really gonna hand over the Avatar for a stupid piece of parchment?" His face had a sly look that made me think of Lord Iroh.

My charge pointed at him and said, "Don't listen to him! He's trying to turn us against each other." I had to give the Water Tribe peasant some points. He was kind of clever.

The pirate captain looked at the Avatar with greedy eyes. "Your friend is the Avatar?"

Sokka leaned towards the captain with an engaging grin. "Sure is, and I'll bet he'll fetch a lot more on the black market then that fancy scroll."

My charge next to me broiled with malice. "Shut your mouth, you water tribe peasant!" he barked in an imperious tone.

The Avatar next to the Water…Sokka had a displeased look at his fellow comrade's words. "Yeah, Sokka, you really should shut your mouth," he said quietly in concern. How thick is that kid? Does he not realize what Sokka is trying to do?

Sokka continued to tempt the pirates with his sweetened words. "I'm just sayin', it's bad business sense," he gave a careless shrug, "Just imagine how much the Fire Lord would pay for the Avatar. You guys would be set for life!" Well, this was not entirely going according to my charge's wishes.

The pirate captain then pointed at my charge. "Keep the scroll! We can buy a hundred with the reward we well get for the kid." He turned to leave and so did the rest of the pirates.

My charge next to me snarled like an enraged animal. "You'll regret breaking a deal with me!" he roared. With that he and the soldiers around us unleashed a wall of flames at the pirates, which seemed to flow on the ground. It caused the pirates to jump out of the way. One of the pirates, the uncouth one who'd I'd first seen on the ship leapt into the middle of our group with a war cry. My charge led to way towards the Avatar and his friend Sokka who were still bound. I followed. Four pirates jumped in front of them to keep us away. They pulled out small, round balls no larger than my palm and threw them to the ground.

The air around me became thick as fog. My eyes watered and I heard the sounds of blades crashing, fire roaring, and the yells of the men fighting. My charge had only been feet away from me but I could barely even see my own hand. The smoke caused me to cough and then a blade seemed to come out of nowhere. The owner of the blade held it to my throat. One of those damnable pirates! He had a grin on his face, but it was wiped away when I ducked down and knocked his legs from underneath himself. He fell to the ground with a grunt and lost his own blade in the process. I spotted it and kicked it out of the way. As I did this, his large had grabbed my ankle and with my other free foot I kicked him right in the face. He howled as blood rushed from his nose which I had heard crunch sickeningly. It was probably broken. He held his hands to his face, but began to sit up. Pain would only make this man furious, so I did the best option there was….knocking him out. Quick and easy, not to mention there's no blood or mess that there would be if I had killed him. His face was going to hurt pretty bad when he wakes up. I avoided joining any of the other fights and was able to wander out of the smoke.

My eyes adjusted back to the normal light and air to see my charge engaged in a duel with the pirate captain. I proceeded quickly to end it, but before I could Lord Iroh came in with perfect timing as usual. He interrupted their fight with a graceful skill that reminded me that he does have prowess on the battlefield. The other two parties looked at him offended before he said, "Are you so busy fighting you cannot see your own ship has set sail?"

"We have no time for your proverbs, Uncle!" my charge snapped. My eyes had instantly gone to the river at Lord Iroh's words. _Oh no…_

"It's no proverb," Lord Iroh replied as he pointed towards the river. The pirate ship was sailing down river with the Avatar and his friends on board. The quarry was escaping!

"Bleeding hog-monkeys!" the pirate captain cursed. He ran off after his ship quicker than I thought possible for an old mangy pirate like him. My charge laughed with a harsh joy and I felt a tremor of laughter vibrate in my throat, waiting to escape. It died as my charge's ship became visible, floating after the pirate ship and filled with the pirates. One of the pirates pulled down his pants and then flashed us with his bottom. I winced.

"Hey!" my charge cried, "That's my boat!" He started to run alongside of the river.

Beside me Lord Iroh scratched his chin. "Maybe it should be a proverb," he mused. I shook my head and began to run after my charge.

He paused as I caught up to him and he yelled to Lord Iroh, "Come on, Uncle!" His face was furious as we ran down the river. Way ahead of us the pirate ship had stopped and then my charge's ship ran into it. Both ships disappeared out my vision. They had gone over a waterfall! We came to the river bank where one could look over the edge. Behind us Lord Iroh came huffing and puffing. My charge did not spot them, but I did as the Avatar flew away on his beast into the horizon. I could see the dark shapes of Sokka and Katara. They had gotten away. Below us the ships were destroyed and the waterfall roared. I wondered if they pirates had survived the fall. "My boat!" my charge howled.

Lord Iroh was gasping beside us, but finally he started to regain his breath. I heard him chuckle and looked at him bewildered. "Prince Zuko, you're really going to get a kick out of this," he said, "The missing lotus tile was in my sleeve the whole time!" He pulled the tile from his sleeve with a huge smile on his face. My charge, who had been attempting to control his anger, let go of it as he snatched the tile piece and threw it over the waterfall. I decided right then that the trip had been pointless after all. My charge had been right all along.

* * *

My charge is putdown by these recent events, but now we are back on the ship following the Avatar's trail. He is relentless in his quest to capture that boy. I think he will eventually get the Avatar for he is entirely stubborn. He is the type who cannot give up. I wondered on several occasions the last few days if what we are doing is right. Should we be trying to capture the Avatar? He is the Avatar after all but that means he would end the war. In that he would have to stop my nation…by defeating them. That makes him my enemy but the Avatar is supposed to keep the world in balance. That would mean that the Fire Nation is doing the wrong thing! I will admit that not all of the things we do are good, but war is war. How could my nation do something wrong? They would not unless it was for the good of everyone. My nation must be doing the right thing! Wondering about this is dangerous and it is not my place to question it. I just need to stick to protecting my charge. That is all that matters and what should matter to me.

* * *

A/N:Here is the seventh chapter! Reviews would be loved as always and does anyone have any criticism to give? On grammar or the story itself?

The numbers in the paranthesis are not my own words. Number one is a Japanese proverb and the second was said by Confucius.


	8. A Storm and Recollections

Chapter Eight:

A Storm & Recollections

* * *

"_We cannot change our memories, but we can change their meaning and the power they have over us." _–David Seamans

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

There has been nothing of interest for the last few days. We continue to sail as we have done before. My charge is restless. I find myself too becoming restless and irritated as he is. Being on this ship all the time is enough to drive anyone to the borderline of insanity. My days have been filled with training, Lord Iroh's occasional company, and following my brooding charge. He tends to lock himself up in his room a lot. The only minor thing that could be of any interest is my dreams. They vanished for awhile and I had believed that I had vanquished them. It would seem that these restless days on the ship tend to bring them back. They usually do not make any sense and are nothing more than fragments when I wake up.

I keep dreaming about my father and Koun, or what I remember of them anyways. I can't believe that they are_ gone_. Surely I do not know them anymore but their deaths have disturbed me. Koun was nothing more than a boy and my father had been the invincible warrior to me as a child. I wonder how mother and Narimi are handling it. In fact I think about them regularly. They are there in the corners of my thoughts. Narimi may be married by now for she is three years older than me. And my mother…I hope for their well-being, but I should have forgotten them entirely by now. I had stopped in a way of thinking about them but meeting Ryda has brought everything back. The only other thing that I dream of is the Center and Master Keitaro. He would be disappointed in me if he could see me now…There is nothing more to write for now.

Yesterday something finally did happen when we almost lost our lives due to my charge's rashness. All of us are alive and I am thankful for Lord Iroh's wisdom that saved everyone…

* * *

It was another disgustingly beautiful day outside. I leaned against the ship railing and stared down below at the waves that pounded against the side of the ship. The thought slipped into my mind if my charge would even notice if I jumped over the edge. I turned my head as Lord Iroh spoke, breaking the silence that had been filtrating the air. He sniffed the air like some sort of animal. "There is a storm coming. A big one." If I had not the training I did, I would have mockingly laughed at that. The sky was barren with no clouds at all!

My charge had been looking through the telescope in the vain hope of finding the Avatar flying across the skies. He looked as I did at Lord Iroh when he had spoken. "You're out of your mind, Uncle," he ridiculed him, "The weather's perfect. There is not a cloud in sight."

Lord Iroh's serious look on his face did not change. "The storm is approaching from the north. I suggest we alter our course and head southwest," he advised my charge solemnly.

"We know the Avatar is traveling northward, so we will do the same." My charge replied curtly. I watched in my usual silence. Lord Iroh believed himself to be telling the truth and it would be better to be safe than sorry. Perhaps it would be wise for my charge to follow his advice.

"Prince Zuko, consider the safety of the crew," Lord Iroh cautioned him.

"The safety of the crew doesn't matter!" my charge snapped back. My eyes darted to Lieutenant Jee who walked by as he said this. The man did not look happy. He is a soldier that I rarely converse with, but he is trustworthy. He is almost a head taller than my charge with short grey hair and a sideburns beard thing going on. It is cut close to his skin and he has a more square shaped face that is pleasant to the eye. My charge's eyebrow rose as he realized his error. He strode over to Lieutenant Jee as his words became directed at the man. "Finding the Avatar is far more important than any individuals safety." He spoke right to his face in a challenge, even though he was shorter than him and seemed puny in build when compared to the much older man. My charge then whirled around and marched off to the hatch. It closed with a harsh bang behind him.

Lord Iroh looked nervously at the wrathful Lieutenant Jee. "He doesn't mean that, he's just all worked up," he remarked in an attempt to quell Li's anger. I shook my head and proceeded to follow my charge. I would not be surprised if we had a mutiny soon if my charge kept up that sort of attitude.

He was brooding in his chambers when I walked in without knocking. I did not enter here at all usually and he looked surprised when he looked at me. His face became annoyed right after that. "What are you doing here?" he asked in a sharp tone.

I bowed my head and replied in an easy tone, "Making sure you are alright, Your Highness."

He scowled. "I'm fine! Now leave."

I bowed again and headed towards the door. My charge's back was turned to me as I began to close it. I stopped. "Your Highness, do you not trust Lord Iroh's opinion?" I asked against my better judgment…but Lord Iroh could be right.

He did not turn around to look at me. "Go away Nira," he said in a quiet voice that was quelled with his ferocity. I closed the door at this and left for my own chambers. I sat there for several hours and attempted to meditate to put my thoughts to rest. I should keep my mind at peace, but now it has become jumbled up like a puzzle. Later that day I was on the deck beginning to go through some standard drills when the sound of Lieutenant Jee's voice broke my concentration, "Uh, looks like your uncle was right about the storm after all." I turned quickly to the Lieutenant glaring at my charge with his arms crossed. Several other soldiers stood behind him. In the distance dark clouds hovered above the ocean. Where had those come from? They hadn't been here when I had come! Lord Iroh _was_ right after all.

Lord Iroh entered from the hatch that led up on the command deck. "Lucky guess," he said sheepishly.

My charge stalked over to the Lieutenant. "Lieutenant, you'd better learn some respect," he growled and pointed two fingers at the man's chest_, "_Or I will teach it to you."

My charge stalked off past the Lieutenant Jee, drawing closer to where I stood. I saw the contempt on Lieutenant Lee's face and knew the man would not be able to contain himself. The Lieutenant spat back, "What do you know about respect? The way you talk to everyone around here, from your hard working crew to your esteemed uncle shows you know nothing about respect. You don't care about anyone but yourself! Then again, what should I expect from a spoiled prince?" Behind him Lord Iroh had been making decapitating gestures with his hands to ward off the Lieutenant from such an outburst. I don't think the Lieutenant even noticed him. At the end of it Lord Iroh sighed and put his hand on his face in resignation. My charge had stopped mid-step at the Lieutenant's tirade and his eyebrow was twitching at the end of it. My charge was clearly stung and infuriated by these accusations. He turned and assumed a fire bending stance with the Lieutenant doing the same in return.

Lord Iroh raised his hands up in a sign of calming. "Easy now," he said slowly. My mind was still turning at this new twist of events. I was ready to step in when my charge's and the Lieutenant's hands at crossed at the wrists. The sound of steel on steel was heard and smoke curled from where their wrists met. I started my movement over there but was halted by Lord Iroh's usual prevention before mine. He broke their wrists apart in one easy movement. "Enough!" he ordered, "We are all a bit tired from being at sea for so long. I'm sure after a bowl of noodles everyone will feel much better."

My charge and the Lieutenant glared vehemently at one another before walking away in opposite directions. "I don't need your help keeping order on _my_ship," my charge snarled at Lord Iroh. Lord Iroh placed a hand on his shoulder, but my charge rudely shoved him off. He walked past me without even looking at me towards the bow of the ship. The dark clouds rumbled in the distance and a sharp wind began to pick up. I looked at Lord Iroh and saw a quiet hurt in his eyes that quickly disappeared upon him seeing my gaze. I gave a respectful nod and returned to my drills. My charge would not want my help, even _if_ he did need it.

Naturally we had to navigate through the storm. Everyone was inside the ship except for the helmsman. I was too restless to stay in my chambers as my charge did, so I wandered the bowels of the ship like some phantom. In one particular dark and small corridor that made me shiver as I pushed away my claustrophobia, I heard Lord Iroh's voice quietly echo, "And there were dire consequences." That instantly caught my attention and I quietly walked to the hatch door that led to the chamber he was in. From the stoop at where the hatch was I saw Lord Iroh around a fire with Lei tenant Jee and a few other crew members. The firelight danced across his face as his head was lowered in a posture that would suggest…_sadness?_What was going on here…? I stayed in the shadows behind the door. Lord Iroh continued, "After Zuko's outburst in the meeting, the Fire Lord became very angry with him. He said that Prince Zuko's challenge of the general was an act of complete disrespect, and there was only one way to resolve this."

Why was Lord Iroh telling them _this_ story? Was it an attempt to try to keep any sort of mutiny from happening? It had to be…I felt like running away from the doorway. I was eavesdropping but that part didn't bother me…it was the telling of my charge's banishment and of my own _failure_ to protect him that did.

I heard Lieutenant Jee's horrified voice, "Agni kai. A fire duel."

Lord Iroh continued softly, "That's right. Zuko looked upon the old general he had insulted and declared that he was not afraid. But Zuko misunderstood. When he turned to face his opponent, he was surprised to see it was not the General. Zuko had spoken out against a general's plan, but by doing so in the Fire Lord's war room; it was the Fire Lord whom he had disrespected. Zuko would have to duel his own father." I shut my eyes and remembered the arena and my charge standing so bravely. "When Prince Zuko saw that it was his father who had come to duel him, he begged for mercy." It was like it played out before my own eyes again as Lord Iroh spoke. He told them it all in its entity and finished with the words, "I looked away." I had shut my eyes at that moment and that scream of pure pain and anguish I still heard in my dreams at times rang in my mind.

I opened my eyes to the light streaming through the slight opening of the door as Lieutenant Jee spoke in an abashed tone, "I always thought that Prince Zuko was in a training accident."

"It was no accident. After the duel, the Fire Lord said that by refusing to fight, Zuko had shown shameful weakness. As punishment he was banished and sent to capture the Avatar. Only then could he return with his honor." Lord Iroh explained.

**"**So that's why he's so obsessed," Lieutenant Jee remarked thoughtfully, "Capturing the Avatar is the only chance he has of things returning to normal."

"Things will never return to normal," Lord Iroh replied sternly, "But the important thing is, the Avatar gives Zuko hope." I slowly stood up and walked away silently as I had come. I felt something wet on my cheek and I raised my hand and wiped it away. I examined my fingers in the red light of the corridor and saw glistening water on them that glared accusingly at me. I was…_crying…?_ But I cannot cry…I do not cry! What kind of pathetic bodyguard _cries_?! I shook my head and went to my chambers to sleep.

* * *

_I was standing in a small courtyard of my childhood home. Red stones shined underneath the warm sun and water trickled in the fountain to my left. A sapling of a tree was in front of me and behind it a man walked towards me. I knew this had to be just another dream. The man took his time in walking towards me and stopped only several feet in front of me. I took back my thoughts __of this being a man, for he was only a boy of perhaps fourteen years. He raised his head and I knew him in moments…Koun…_

_All I remembered was a toddler but he was most certainly not that any more. Light golden eyes watched my solemnly…but he was dead…right? "Hello sister," he said, his voice seemed to be an echo of a voice, as if he was not really here. The only thing I could do was stare back in shock as he spoke again after several moments. "Aren't you going to say hi to me? It's been a long time." I looked at the teasing smile on his face and my knees shook. This was just dream…nothing more! He tilted his head. "You look sad," he said softly, "I'm sorry I died, but it's not too bad." _

"_This is…just a dream," I stuttered._

_His smile became sympathetic. "It is, but dreams can be much more."_

"_I…I'm not who I used to be. The sister you knew died long ago."_

_Koun frowned at this. "No, I don't think that's true," he replied, "You've changed, but mostly I think you're confused." He raised a hand to touch my face and right as he was about too…_

I awoke with a gasp when the ship shook. What in the name of…? I had been asleep but what was happening? I stumbled out of bed and rushed up to the deck. The floor underneath me moved from left and right and I had difficulty staying on my feet. When I got to the deck the sky above me was dark as the night and rain poured down onto us. The waves roared around us and splashed onto the deck. Ahead of me my charge and Lieutenant Jee struggled to stay upright. I trudged over to their direction precariously.

"Where were we hit?" my charge yelled.

"I don't know!" Lieutenant Jee responded panicky.

"Look!" Lord Iroh cried. He pointed up to the bridge tower where a crewmember was hanging off of some rigging. _Oh no…_

"The helmsman!" my charge shouted with a hint of fear in his voice. Before I could stop him he was climbing up the ladder to the bridge area with the Lieutenant close behind. I watched fearfully. What if he fell? The ship rocked underneath us. I was briefly distracted by the fact that lightening came down towards us and Lord Iroh _redirecting _the lightening away from my charge and Lieutenant Jee. Lord Iroh was literally smoking next to me but otherwise undamaged. He could redirect lightening? I didn't even know such a thing was possible! I looked back towards the bridge and saw the helmsman fall. My charge caught him and the Lieutenant helped to pull him up against the ladder. I turned my face away to hide my relief.

They came down to the deck unharmed. I was about to berate my charge when he cried out with surprise, "The Avatar!" All heads turned to look at the flying monster with the Avatar and his companions upon it as they flew through the storm. Was the Avatar insane? He must have a death wish to be out in this storm!

Lieutenant Jee spoke next with his eyes respectfully on my charge. I guess saving the helmsman had changed the man's opinion about him. "What do you want to do, sir?'

My charge paused to consider before he replied, "Let him go. We need to get this ship to safety."

"Then we must head directly into the eye of the storm," Lord Iroh ordered. I saw a slight smile on his face as everyone looked over the bow of the ship at the furious storm. I wondered if we would even make it. I was never much of an optimist to begin with.

Somehow we did make it into the eye and there the waves were calm. The rain had become a drizzle and the dark clouds surrounded us like walls. Way above us a small patch of blue sky was visible. How strange. Near me, my charge spoke quietly to Lord Iroh, "Uncle, I am sorry."

He smiled and put a hand on my charge's shoulder. "Your apology is accepted." Moments later a bubble sphere of light erupted from the ocean in front of the prow of the ship. It rocketed into the air and I watched in awe. It was the Avatar as always of course. The blue sphere disappeared as they flew towards the blue sky above. I wondered at what in the heck the Avatar had been doing out here. My eyes turned towards my charge who watched them fly away…his fists were clenched.

That was that. After the storm was over we continued to sail as we had before. The crew, especially Lieutenant Jee, is more respectful and obedient towards my charge. Lord Iroh is strange and mysterious as always. My charge is brooding and moody. And I am…I am Nira. That will never change. No matter how I failed my charge in the past, I will not again in the future. The glimpses of things in my dreams are starting to boil over. My last dream about Koun…his words…_ "You've changed, but mostly I think you're confused."_ They still whisper in my ears since yesterday. I hope we get more action soon, because the restless days on this ship bring _me _no peace.

* * *

A/N:Well, this chapter was rather short and it's been about a month since I posted anything for this story. As always, reviews are loved and any critsizm! Thanks for reading!


	9. Voyages

Chapter Nine:

Voyages

* * *

"_It is only when we silent the blaring sounds of our daily existence that we can finally hear the whispers of truth that life reveals to us, as it stands knocking on the doorsteps of our hearts."_ -K.T. Jong

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

We survived the storm, but I do not know if I will be able to survive the surliness of my charge for much longer. Unfortunately, the trail of the Avatar was lost and my charge did not take to that much kindly...

We were in the control deck as Lieutenant Jee and my charge looked over a map together. Behind us Lord Iroh and several other crewmembers were busy playing a game of Pai Sho. I observed my charge as usual, trying to keep the boredom from being apparent on my face. "We haven't been able to pick up the Avatar's trail since the storm," Lieutenant Jee reported with a slight frown, "But, if we continue heading northeast…"

The light that came through the windows was cut off by an enormous shadow. Another ship! And a massive one at that passed us starboard, heading in the opposite direction. It moaned with effort as it came to a halt next to our ship. It was a full-on battleship and from the looks of it possibly the northern fleet. What the heck were they doing here…?

"What do they want?" my charge snarled.

"Perhaps a sporting game of Pai Sho!" Lord Iroh answered him hopefully. I had to keep myself from snorting at that. My charge scowled.

Soon enough a messenger came over with two escorts. The men could have looked identical with their came uniforms and similar beards. The messenger held open a scroll, revealing a picture of the Avatar. My charge stood in front of him, arms crossed, and with a malcontent expression. "The hunt for the Avatar has been given prime importance," he said while lowering the scroll, "All information regarding the Avatar must be reported directly to Admiral Zhao." I felt my lips curl in a snarl at the mention of _that_ man's name.

As usual, Lord Iroh had not even left his game of Pai Sho. "Zhao has been promoted?" he remarked, "Well, good for him!"

My charge turned his head before looking back at the messenger. "I've got nothing to report to Zhao," he said in a low, sullen voice, "Now get of my ship and let us pass."

The messenger stood his ground and replied with a smug look, "Admiral Zhao is not allowing ships in or out of this area."

My charge's face became wild with anger. "Off my ship!" he yelled, pointing towards the door with an angry jab.

The men left.

My gaze left my furious charge as Lord Iroh spoke, "Excellent!" he leaned forward and gathered all the chips off of the table. He'd won another match _again?_ Lord Iroh played this game to much, but I did not blame him. There was not much else to do. The dismayed looks of the other players confirmed the same sentiment. "But, you're all improving. I'm certain you will win if we play again."

My charge had turned around and was staring out at the waves. The sky was heavy with grey clouds, almost as it were brooding as my charge was. I held my sigh within.

My charge went outside onto the deck to drill, surprisingly enough by not giving orders to the crew. I had expected him to use his newer rage at Zhao to start looking for the Avatar. I watched from a distance, noticing the even more harsh movement in his style than usual. He wore his sleeveless back shirt that was lined with gold. It emphasized his muscled shoulders for sure. I shook my head. What was that thought all about..? I turned my eyes back to the setting sun. The grey clouds were tinged with its light, making it look like rust. Lord's Iroh's step caught my ear as I saw him approach my charge. He stood with that peaceful, but concerned gaze. "Is everything okay?" he asked, "It's been almost an hour and you haven't given the men an order."

My charge had stopped his drilling with his back faced towards Lord Iroh. His head turned Lord Iroh as he muttered darkly, "I don't care what they do." He turned his head back towards the dying sun.

"Don't give up hope yet," Lord Iroh advised him, "you can still find the Avatar before Zhao."

At this, my charge turned around with desperation and…_fear_…on his face. "How, Uncle?" he demanded with a heartbreaking tone, "With Zhao's resources it's just a matter of time before he captures the Avatar." He turned back towards the sea and said with the barest audible whisper, "My honor, my throne, my country, I'm about to lose them all." He stood there with Lord Iroh watching him, but my charge seemed utterly desolate in that moment. Or at least that's how it seemed to _him._ I went below deck without a word.

* * *

Later that night as I walked along one of the corridors I heard my charge's voice. "Ready my ship."

"Yes, Your Highness," was the polite reply of one of the crewman, "When will you be returning?"

"Whenever I wish too," My charge responded with the familiar arrogant tone. So that would explain his brief disappearance the other night, I had presumed him to be in his room as he usually was. He was better than I thought, quick witted enough to hide it from me anyways. Till now. He had to be going after the Avatar. The news had spread through the country like wildfire. Admiral Zhao had captured the Avatar.

I went to the back of the ship, where his smaller ship was stored and could depart from. We'd had to replace it since the pirate incident. I leaned against the railing and observed the said crewmember preparing the ship. He left the room with only a quick glance in my direction. As I have said before, I do not interact with the crew much. They left me alone. My charge's quick steps revealed his presence as he walked into the dark room. He still had his armor on, but a sack was flung over his shoulder. By the lumpiness of it, it had to be other clothes and…swords..? His face was startled as he discovered my presence. "What are you doing here?" he asked with annoyance.

I took my hands off the railing and stood straight in his presence. "Protecting you, Your Highness. Where are you going?"

"That's none your business!" he snapped in reply.

I could feel my fingers losing blood circulation as I clenched it behind me. My face remained calm, though my voice did leak a little anger perhaps. "It is, Your Highness, because you are _my_ charge."

His face started to become angry as he frowned. "And I'm the one who gives the orders, not you." He started his way towards the smaller ship. I started to follow but he froze and whirled around, "Stay here! I don't need you in the way of things!"

I halted at where I was. Anger began to course through me…I in the "way of things?!" In all the names of…!... My anger softened slightly at his next words. I do not know what made him say it; perhaps it was the look on my face: attempted control, but wracked with emotion at the same time.

His own expression had softened. "I'll be back, so don't worry," he said quietly. And with that he left without a glance backwards. I watched his ship lower into the black waters and sail away. Anger broiled within me. Yet there was worry…anxiety that he might not come _back_. That….that….

* * *

I did not sleep that night. I watched the waters from the top deck, leaning against the railing with weary limbs. The crew had music night that night, singing and playing on the top deck behind me. I had ignored them and they the same to me. I stood there…waiting….

Daybreak came. I watched the sun as it crawled up slowly skyward, past the mountains. It started off as a deep purple, then becoming lighter with hues of gold and pink. Where was he? All I could think of was him, hoping that he was alright. Lord Iroh had come to me when he had finally awoken himself. I did not take my eyes off of the sea. I had to keep watch. "Are you alright, Nira?" he'd asked softly.

"Fine," I'd answered swiftly, not caring if I looked like the dead itself at that moment. He'd made a sound of resignation and then had walked away. The early hours of the morning went by slowly, greeted by Lord Iroh's practice on his Sungi horn. It's sorrowful, but beautiful, calls did not make me feel any better. Finally I spotted his ship. I sighed with relief and attempted to trudge across the deck to go down to greet him. I quickly discovered I barely had the energy to go across the deck. I was definitely still out of shape, compared to my endurance when I'd still been with the Society still.

My charge came top deck himself, with me waiting impatiently. He looked as tired as I felt, but he was safe and _alive_. I kept my mask of neutrality as he walked past Lord Iroh and then me. "Where have you been, Prince Zuko?" Lord Iroh called, ceasing his playing, "You missed music night! Lieutenant Jee sang a stirring love song." I had noticed the man's good voice and Lord Iroh was right about that. But music is not my area of expertise.

I watched my charge hungrily as he replied with an exhausted and frustrated voice, "I'm going to bed. No disturbances." His back was to me as he walked away. Had he even noticed my presence here? No, of course he had not. Beside me Lord Iroh rubbed his head and I walked ever so slowly towards the direction of my own room. I needed sleep as well. "Everything alright, Nira?" he asked quietly.

I shrugged, impatient to be by myself in my own room. All I could think of as I walked there that he was alright. I had been so worried…and he had not even noticed me. He never did. Ever. I should have been there with him! But my anger from the night before had disappeared in the presence of my anxiety over him. Over his safety I mean. I let my emotions control me too much, especially when I am tired as I am. I lay on my bed and did not even remember closing my eyes.

* * *

_I was in the courtyard of my childhood again. It was exactly as it had been before in my last dream with Koun. I looked around suspiciously, expecting to see his familiar figure. Instead I was confronted by a small girl who ran into the courtyard, wild with laughter. She stopped as she saw me. I looked at her and saw a girl small in build, thin, lanky, too petite looking to be the fighter she would become. Her eyes…my eyes… looked back at me with a seriousness that did not belong there. "Hello!" she greeted me. _

_I stood there speechless. How could I be dreaming about myself as a child?...Weird…_

_Her small face frowned as she spoke again, "You've forgotten me Nira."_

"_What?" I said abruptly, "Of course I did. You died long ago."_

"_No, I haven't," she stated simply with a sweet smile, "You've changed, but I am still you."_

"_What do you want?" I demanded, "Leave me be! I do not want such dreams as this!"_

"_Just admit it," she said in a singing voice, "Who you are…how you feel…"_

"_There is __**nothing **__to admit to," I growled, "I am going to wake up now and forget this."_

_Her eyes grew wide with shock. "How can you have forgotten?...Mother? Your family?" she asked with wonder, "You've even forgotten love." _

_I opened my mouth to tell her…to deny… Her eyes, my eyes, shined with the unspoken, newly acknowledged fact, and I awoke with a jerk._

And now I write this, denying the impossible, knowing that it cannot be a reality…Can it? From the looks of the candle it is about mid-day now. I have to go and check in on my charge now.

* * *

A/N: Well, here is the newest chapter! (After not updating for weeks...) Anyways, hope you all liked it and critsizm/reviews are much welcomed!


	10. Acceptance and Denial

Chapter Ten:

Acceptance and Denial

* * *

"_How often is it that the angry man rages denial of what his inner self is telling him."_- Frank Herbert

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

Things have not been easy of late. We finally caught sign of the elusive Avatar and nearly had him again like always. My charge keeps on underestimating him as well as I. My charge is still in a bad mad as usual or maybe he has always been in a bad mood. Now that I think about it, I cannot recall the last time I saw him _happy_. Not that that matters to me, but I do care about his mental being, considering he is my charge. The last time he was happy when his mother was still there, years ago, when we were both still children. I, training to be his bodyguard, and I would only see him once a year. I do not know what happened to his mother. She just disappeared. I asked him about it once, a foolish mistake on my part to be so invasive, but I was only eleven years old at the time.

The look on his face had shut me up instantly. I have not even mentioned her since to him or anyone. Not that I would have reason to, I only met her a few times and only very briefly. She was a beautiful woman and seemed to be kind. I wonder what happened to her, but there have always been mysteries like this when it comes to the Royal family. Like how Lord Iroh got skipped over for the throne, even when he is the firstborn of Fire Lord Azulon? These matters are not of my concern, but my charge is of my concern. Back to the most recent run in Avatar, it started out as another day stopping in a port to resupply the ships. It had been days since we had seen the Avatar, not since that big storm...

* * *

My charge was in his chamber having tea with Lord Iroh. I had not been invited in, so I stood out in the hallway. I leaned up against the cold metal by the door, attempting to listen in on their conversation. Eaves's dropping is not something most people like, but in my current situation you get used to it. Especially if you are bored out of your mind. The situation in itself was amusing for I knew that my charge did not like tea. Lord Iroh had always been displeased with that fact. I guess he liked having me around so much was because I did like tea.

"Ahh!" I heard Lord Iroh exclaim with pleasure, "See, Prince Zuko, a moment of quiet is good for your mental well being." I could have laughed at that. A moment of quiet? That is all it ever was on this ship anymore! I was startled out of said amusement as something made the ship quake. I stood up from the wall immediately to have the door slammed open by my charge. He looked at me for a moment with irritation on his face. He jerked his head upwards and I followed him top deck. Lord Iroh came behind us as well, muttering something about wasted tea.

Above us the sky was clear as we were still moored in the port. Six of the soldiers we had, some of them firebenders were startled, as well as us, by a huge creature that climbed up onto the ship. The first thing I noticed was the young, dark haired woman riding it. She had the keen eyes of a hunter and carried herself thus. Her origins could be hard to place, but she was beautiful, and stood out with a red tattoo on her pale shoulder. She was dressed in simple black clothing that suited her well and her dark hair was half-way up, while the rest of it hung to her shoulders. Most of the soldiers scattered as the monster climbed over the railing and onto the deck. "Get back!" the woman ordered, "We're after a stowaway."

I stood beside my charge as he replied imperially, "There are no stowaways on _**my**_ ship."

The woman looked back at him defiantly with a whip curled in her hand. She cracked it at the monster that then sniffed along the ground of the ship. It took me a moment to realize the creature was blind, how did it get around then? The monster then ripped a chunk of the deck plating and hurled it in our direction. My charge ducked as we all did and glared back at the women. At that moment, a man scrambled through the hole and attempted to run for it. A long tongue snaked out of the monster and hit the man who fell over instantly. He did not move.

"He's paralyzed," my charge commented with interest. I eyed him, knowing where his thoughts were headed.

The woman had jumped off of the creature and was picking said stowaway up. She held him up by his shirt with one single arm as she said, "Only temporarily. The toxins'll wear off in about an hour," she flung the man over the saddle that was on the creature, "But by then he'll be in jail and I'll have my money." I had suspected she was a mercenary type, but she was a bounty hunter, those who worked for money. Mercenary. Bounty hunter. They are all the same sort of who will do anything for money.

"But how did you find him on my ship?" my charge asked.

The women petted her monster she was getting back into the saddle. "My shirshu can smell a rat a continent away," she said proudly.

"Well, I'm impressed," Lord Iroh said suddenly. I looked at him, seeing the admiration in his eyes, but it was not for the shirshu. I resisted the impulse to roll my eyes. The bounty hunter cracked her whip at her pet and went as quickly as she had come. Lord Iroh stroked his chin thoughtfully. "Very impressed," he repeated. I broke my own rule that time and did roll my eyes.

* * *

My charge was not happy at all with the damage that bounty hunter's shirshu had done to the ship. Typical of her kind though. It is to be expected. My charge had an idea in mind when he left to seek her out. Lord Iroh commenced to go with him and not only for my charge's safety I am sure. I am clearly not being the bodyguard I am suppose to be if my own charge will not let my accompany him! I am not only a failure in my eyes but his as well! He and Lord Iroh were preparing to depart on one of the komodo rhinoceroses and I had confronted him at the top deck of the ship, right as he readied to walk down the runaway to the dock….

"Your Highness," I called, "I did not know you were ready to depart so soon."

He turned to face me, annoyance as usual by my interruption, but accompanied with a determined look. He was so sure he was going to capture the Avatar this time. He would not fail again. "Yes, Uncle and I are going," he replied curtly and turned to leave.

I stood there shocked still. He was going to leave me behind_ again_? Like the last time when he could have been killed and I had waited the whole night fearfully. Not on my watch this time! My voice was low but demanding when I spoke again, in a tone I had never dared to use on him, "I **am **going with you, Your Highness."

He made a sound of frustration as he turned around. His eyes were angry, but I thought I could see the understanding in them. "I am going to capture the Avatar Nira, what use can you be against him? You are not a firebender! You're not needed for this and I'm not going to get killed. I have Uncle with me."

* * *

Though his words were sound and the logic true, it still made me cross. He was right, Lord Iroh would protect even better than I ever could and what use was I against the Avatar? So here I am now on the ship writing this when my charge is out there doing spirits knows what with Lord Iroh. Night is upon us now and I cannot help but worry for their safety. I should be out there with them! Not sitting around here waiting for them like…like some helpless girl! I was not trained for this!

Even if I am not some helpless, spoiled brat, I am most certainly sounding like one right now. Thank sweet Agni that no reads this, for it would be completely embarrassing. And to personal, like someone was reading my soul, for I have put nothing here but the truth from my view. It has everything almost; feelings and memories are written here. Things I should have forgotten and things I should not feel. I know now that I cannot be that perfectly hardened stone I sought, and still try to be. Master Keitaro would consider me to be a failure if he knew the truth.

It is strange to be on the ship alone. The crew is here, but I still feel as if I am. I am used to being around my charge all the time. Literally. Right now I feel as if there is an itch that I cannot find and that itch is my charge. It is as if I am not myself without his presence, which is true, because I exist to be around him. To protect and serve him and… ah, enough of these thoughts! I will sleep now and hope for no more troubling dreams.

* * *

A/N: I promise that the next chapter will be larger in size and it will be dealing with the last episode before the Seige of the North ones. Anyways, hope you all enjoyed and please review.


	11. Familiar Faces

Chapter Eleven:

Familiar Faces

* * *

"_The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become."_ –Charles Dubois

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

We have been slowly traveling northwards in pursuit of the Avatar. It is entirely clear that he is going to the North Pole to find the Water Tribe there. He intends to master waterbending and perhaps as well does that Water Tribe peasant Katara. I have not thought of her or her brother at all. I wonder if she ever got that necklace of hers back. My charge did not tell me much about the events that passed with that bounty hunter scum. He returned in an ill mood without the Avatar. Lord Iroh disclosed the information that they had failed miserably. I thought it best not to pursue the subject. All that had mattered to me was that they had come back safe.

It is clear to me now that I must be more firm with my charge. If I always let him have his way as I have done, I will never get to be the bodyguard I am supposed to be. I was trained for this so it is about time I start acting like it again! As always, it is my emotions that are my own enemy and condemning flaw. Like I wrote before, I do not think it is possible for me to be without them like I had strived so hard for. Yet I can control them and can hide them. That is my only choice.

For awhile now the usual time I spend with Lord Iroh has been normal. He has not mentioned anything more to me of his son Lu Ten and the bodyguards that protected him and his son. The ones that failed: Reizo and Keiya. Reizo had died because he had sought to protect the daughter he never should have had and his charge's son who was like his own. Keiya had lived on to become the Guardian of the Society, probably burdened with the guilt that in attempting to protect her father as well as her charge Lu Ten, both had died. Emotions, if not controlled, can lead to this sort of disaster. Keiya had loved her charge; even Lord Iroh had admitted that to me. Keiya's uncle had been my master, Keitaro, and he had named me for his dead sister. The one who had died in childbirth when giving life to Keiya. _Hope_, that is what Keiya's name means, ironic really. She is my kin as well. Her story is one of…events that could have been prevented.

Emotions….

Master Keitaro had taught me that I must deny them or control them as well as he does. That man in many ways was like a father to me, since I had been taken from mine. In the Society, you do not make friends with your peers. They are competition or are ignored by one's self. They compete to be the best so that they may have the highest guarding positions. Mine had been guaranteed to me from the moment I was picked because of my family. The Suzuki family, a minor noble family that seemed obscure, but who were truly most revered amongst the Society for only they could protect Royals. The rest of my family thought I was dead, except for my mother and others who would know the truth in the family. It was only on a need to know basis for discretion and the safety of the Society.

Lord Iroh is the only other person in my life outside of Master Keitaro I have come to know well, outside of my charge of course. Lord Iroh is the closest thing I have ever had to a _friend_. An interesting choice I guess for such a thing. Early this morning I was out as usual doing my exercises and drills. The sun was covered by the clouds and the ship seemed sluggish in its movement. We were headed to the nearest port to refuel and restock supplies as we would continue northwards. The ship would be there in a few hours. The atmosphere on the ship was one of restlessness and eagerness to get off of the ship for just a few sweet hours of freedom. Lord Iroh watched as he usually did until I stopped. Sweat ran down my forehead which I wiped away with my sleeve as I bowed towards him. "Your movement is troubled Nira," he commented with eyes as placid as Master Keitaro's could be.

I resisted the temptation to sigh in annoyance. He always said something like that about my fighting! "As always, you are mistaken Lord Iroh."

He raised an eyebrow at this statement. I was sometimes a little freer in my speech with him. "Emotions are expressed through fighting. You're confused I think," he replied in a nonsensical matter, "But perhaps a nice cup of tea can help?"

I looked at his warm smile and kept my lips from curling upwards in response. "If you wish it," I said back with a respectful nod. Lord Iroh bustled over to the usual table he liked to use on the deck. I should know since half the time I have to drag it out here from inside. The conversation that followed was customary, primarily him doing most of the talking. When the sun had finally started to peak through the clouds a little, he said something that is still crawling in the back of my skull. "Have you ever thought about yourself?"

I had stared back at him, at loss for words. He had set his cup down and had a most serious expression in his manner. "All of your life you've been raised as a bodyguard. Keitaro once told me that you reminded him of the others who had not followed the ways of the Society. My own bodyguard Reizo and his wife Nira," he paused, as if waiting for me to take in his words. "Have you ever thought about what _you_ wanted?"

Why was he talking like this! What was the point? I am what I was raised to be…a bodyguard! Nothing more! There…there is no point in even thinking like this! It only just leads to failure. And how did he know Master Keitaro well? I distantly recalled the first time I had met Lord Iroh and the familiarity between the two. By this time I had set down my own cup and I spoke in a low, hushed voice. "I do not know why you speak of this to me, Lord Iroh," I attempted to keep the respect in my voice, but it sounded dark to my own ears, "But do not speak of this to me _ever_ again." I had always respected him in a way but now…I stood up abruptly and walked away from the table with that.

* * *

The rest of the day I spent in my chambers, occasionally checking in my charge when need be. He was in his own room all day as well. The candles flicker bitterly in my room, casting shadows against the cold, iron walls. If only I could firebend them…another failure…

Now the night has come and I can hear the distant sounds of the crew playing music. Lord Iroh's voice sings gently and the words whisper throughout the ship. _"Winter, spring, summer, and fall. Winter, spring, summer, and fall. Four seasons, four loves. Four Seasons, Four loves."_

…Love…

I do not need it or want it. I had it within my family, my own mother loved me, and yet she let them take me away from her. Family, kinship, love, I am better off without those things. If I had them, it would only destroy me. _Love_…

Soon after this the music had stopped. I expected it to commence again soon, but to my surprise it did not. There were the sounds of heavy footsteps echoing through the corridors, coming nearer to where my charge's room and my own as well. I heard a familiar voice mutter darkly, "This ship is perfectly pathetic, just like that disgrace of a prince." Several other voices chuckled at those words. I knew that voice…_Zhao_. I exited my room quietly as possible to see his shape in the hallway along with several other soldiers. Lord Iroh was about to open my charge's door which opened with a whine.

Lord Iroh's bulky shape leaned in and I heard my charge speaking irritated, "For the last time, I'm not playing the sungi horn!"

"No, it's about our plans," Lord Iroh replied cautiously, "There's a bit of a problem." Well quite obviously there would be if Zhao was here! What did that scum want now? He just relished in the chance to torture my charge. He entered towards the room with a confident walk. The two soldiers remained out in the dimly, red lighted hall, unaware of my presence.

I heard Zhao's voice from the room, "I'm taking your crew." His words dripped with arrogant pleasure.

"WHAT?!" was the loud and angry exclamation from my charge. This is where his temper and anger made me happy.

"I've recruited them for a little expedition to the North Pole," explained Zhao delighted. Of course he had to be going there after the Avatar. Typical. Fate likes to play cruel jokes on my charge I think.

"Uncle, is that true?" my charge demanded.

"I'm afraid so. He's taking everyone," Lord Iroh responded tragically, "Even the cook!" Without the crew we would not be able to run this ship by ourselves. We would not be able to go to the North Pole! If he was taking everyone this could only mean that he was going attack the North Pole. The Northern Water Tribe had survived and remained undefeated for the last hundred years, unlike their kindred in the South Pole.

"Sorry you won't be there to watch me capture the Avatar," Zhao said as if there was sunshine itself in his voice, "But I can't have you getting in my way again."

I heard a shuffling sound and knew that Lord Iroh had to be keeping my charge from doing what he and I both dreamed about doing. "I didn't know you were skilled with broadswords, Prince Zuko," Zhao said next with a tight voice. Broadswords?...The swords that my charge had taken with him that night, the stories of how the Avatar had miraculously escaped from Zhao's clutches thanks to a masked savior….my charge..? I felt like banging my head against the wall.

"I'm not," my charge said stiffly, "They're antiques. Just decorative." He is not going to believe it…

"Have you heard of the Blue Spirit, General Iroh?" Zhao asked.

"Just rumors. I don't think he is real."

"He's real all right," Zhao said with a hint of ferocity, "He's a criminal, an enemy of the Fire Nation." His footsteps moved closer to the doorway. "But I have a feeling justice will catch up with him soon. General Iroh, the offer to join my mission still stands if you change your mind." He exited the doorway and closed it. I could see the anger in his face. He turned in my direction and started to walk my way with the soldiers following obediently. I was hidden in the shadows here, but he would see me once he got close enough. I started to slink along the wall quickly, hoping for a chance to bolt. I was not in the mood to talk with this man. I needed to speak with my charge. What was he going to do? This news was not good at all for him!

Unfortunately for me I did not to my escape around the corner quickly enough. I was spotted. Zhao's commanding voice called out as he came closer, "Stop!"

I halted in tracks and prepared to turn around with a look of neutrality. A hard thing to do in those few moments, but I did it. I turned around to see the pleased face of Zhao. His eyes were alight, even though the anger was quite apparent in them. He had not changed since our last encounter. I could feel my own fury and dislike coursing through me. This man had dared to interfere with my charge! The two soldiers stood behind him menacingly and I knew that this was not the time or place. "Ah…it's the disgraced prince's little bodyguard," he said slyly. His eyes became more predatory and lost their usual concealment of his thoughts. "I'm sure you overheard the conversation I just had with him. I have an offer for you."

I resisted the want to slap that prideful smirk from his face. "And what could that possibly be?" I replied sardonically. Zhao's face flashed with anger for just a moment.

"Come with me to the North," he said silkily, "I could use someone with your…skills."

"No thanks," was my sharp and instant reply.

Zhao's eyes narrowed. "Well…suit yourself then, your prince is not going to last long the way he is going," he said coldly, "And when he is gone, I will be there."

My eyes widened and with that he continued on his way. I stood in the hall, understanding the threat in his words, but not totally comprehending them. There was a threat…a look in his eyes…that disturbed me beyond my own words. I understand when someone threatens you as in to kill you, but this…this was different. I did not understand it and really did not want to either. I shook my head and went up to my charge's chamber. The door was closed and I could my charge's angry voice from within as he spoke to Lord Iroh. I shook my head and went back to my own room to sleep. I would speak to him tomorrow.

* * *

The next morning my charge refused to leave his room or allow anyone to enter. The day passed slowly as the crew prepared to leave. To my own surprise Lieutenant Jee came to speak to me as I watched the few people that passed by on their own business on the dock below. The day was nice, but there was a cold wind that nipped at my face. "So, you're staying then?" he asked in his pleasant voice.

I nodded.

"I just wanted to wish you luck," he said, "You're both young and have been through a lot I think. Just take care and guard the prince well." His eyes were only filled with kindness when I looked at them. I bit down on bottom lip hard.

"Thanks," I said respectfully, "Have a safe journey."

He nodded kindly back and with that left me alone. I wondered at that for I had never spoken to the man much, not in all the years we were on this ship together. He had said goodbye to me, I who had never treated him kindly or had wished to speak to him. This world is a strange place sometimes.

That night the crew departed as Lord Iroh and I watched them leave together in a pack. Someone yelled good luck at us as Lord Iroh smiled sadly. The sky was mostly clear with the stars shining distantly. The ship now seemed strangely silent as I followed Lord Iroh towards my charge's room. Lord Iroh opened the door slowly and stuck his head in, I slipped in past him. My charge laid down on his bed with his arms crossed, glaring up at the ceiling. "The crew wanted me to wish you safe travels," Lord Iroh said gently.

"Good riddance to those traitors," my charge spat.

"It's a lovely night for a walk. Why don't you join me?" Lord Iroh asked with a smile. "It would clear your head." My charge stayed silent and Lord Iroh's smile fell. "Or, just stay in your room and sit in the dark. Whatever makes you happy."

Lord Iroh looked me in the eye and I turned my face away from him. Invitation denied. I did not want to talk to him. With a soft sigh he exited the premises. I looked back at my charge who had not changed positions at all. "Are you alright, Your Highness?"

He did not even bat an eyelash. "I'm…go away, Nira."

I turned to leave, but before I did I said softly, "I made an oath to _you_, Your Highness. I will always be here." He did not say anything in response nor did I expect him too. And with that, I left him to his own thoughts.

I walked through the ship, heading towards the back deck that would give me a view of the ocean. It was higher than the front deck and one of my more favored spots. I heard footsteps as I stood there and whirled around. There was no one there…

I did not get to complete that thought before the ship rocked with an intense explosion. Fire busted from the mid-part of the ship and came whirling towards me. I am not a firebender and the only thing I could do was jump. The fall to the water was long and hard upon landing, almost knocking me out. The water itself was quite cold and I shivered as I felt it stab my skin like the knives I usually carry. My breath had been knocked from me, so it took me a few minutes to swim to shore from amongst the burning wreckage. All I could think about was my charge. He is a firebender…so….

I reached the dock and attempted to grasp its planks. I barely had the strength to hold on. A warm, solid hand grabbed my forearm and pulled me up. I lay on the dock and looked with quivering eyes at Lord Iroh's familiar face. Horror, grief, and relief lay there in those golden eyes. Darkness crept upon the sides of my vision and it was difficult to breath. I was so cold…

Lord Iroh…my charge….

Then there was nothing.

* * *

_I was in the courtyard again for a third time. The red bricks gleamed with warmth and the fountain next to me sung its merry song with the trickling water. The small sapling was alight with pink blossoms. My older sister Narimi and I had planted it together. This time it was not Koun or my younger self who approached me. It was…father…._

_He seemed less tall then I remembered him, not even half a head taller than me and I am of short stature. He was broad shouldered and dressed in his favorite clothing for home. A simple outfit of dark red, but elegant. He was broad-shouldered and thicker in build, like a wrestler. His raven hair was bound up in the familiar top-knot and the golden eyes as light as the sun. There __were lines there in his face, but his smile was wide with pleasure in his rather blunt face. "Little one," he cried with his arms open. _

_I walked over hesitantly and did not run into his arms as I once would have. Slowly, ever so slowly, his arms fell back down to his sides. The smile on his face became a small frown. "You are my daughter, aren't you?" he asked._

"_I am…" I said back, taken by surprise at the longing in my voice. _

_Father tilted his head as he looked at me. "You've grown up," he stated simply with warmth. _

"_You're dead…I dreamed about this place and Koun was here as well."_

"_Yes, we're both dead," he replied with lament in his eyes, "I am sorry that I had to leave so soon. I always hoped to see you again when I was alive."_

"_I am here now," I pointed out. _

_A small smile grew on his lips. "Yes, yes, you are," he agreed, "But my little one changed that I don't even recognize her anymore."_

_My throat hardened with no explanation. Again, I surprised myself with the emotion in my response and the very words that I said. "I am your daughter. I always have been...I never forgot you, though I tried so hard!" _

_My father looked up at the sky before he looked back at me. His voice was shadowed as he spoke again, "I didn't know that they would take you. Mari only told me till after it had been done. I had never been as furious or since at your mother for that. It…changed things."_

"_Am I dead now?" I asked suddenly, not wanting to think about his words. If I was then I could finally be with him and Koun. I would not have too….It would hurt less to feel as I do now._

"_No," he said, his words making me wince at their finality, "This is only a dream."_

"_That's what they always say," I muttered. _

_He walked over to me and pulled me into his embrace. The first time someone has held me in their arms since that night long ago when mother had handed me over to Master Keitaro. "Dreams are much more then you think, little one," he whispered with love brimming in his voice, "I missed you…"_

_I opened my mouth to reply…_

* * *

When I opened my eyes, the blue sky was above me with clouds drifting lazily across. I was not dead than. I sat up slowly, wincing at the pain for my body felt as if it should be dead. I was sitting in a grassy dip that was surrounded by thick bushes. Lord Iroh sat directly across from me, his face relieved when I looked at him. "Where is he?" I asked, trying to keep the fear from my voice. Afraid of what the answer would be…

"Prince Zuko has gone to join Zhao's soldiers," Lord Iroh answered me, "How are you feeling?"

I blinked. "WHAT?!"

"He has a plan. Zhao was behind the attack on him," Lord Iroh explained calmly, "I will be accepting Zhao's offer as an advisor and you will accompany me."

This explanation did explain the attack and my wrath grew at the mention of _that_ man's name. My charge was alive and well enough to have planned this. Relief swelled in me and… "So, we're going to act like they succeeded in…" I could not say the words.

"Yes and when we reach the North Pole, Prince Zuko will go after the Avatar."

"It is going to take weeks to get there though, how will he stay hidden?"

Lord Iroh smiled slightly, "He is my nephew, you know. Come, if you're well enough to talk, you're well enough to stand. I have an admiral to call upon."

With that, I followed Lord Iroh in my now dry, but ruined clothes. I had a slight limp and it hurt to move, but I kept my face calm. My charge was alive and he was sort of safe, all things considered. I would bide my time till I get a chance to speak to him. We were only a short distance from the port and made way to the Fire Nation quarters.

Before I knew it I was standing in Zhao's tent, surveying him and Lord Iroh with careful eyes. This time I was not barred out. A map hung behind them as they sat at a low table. The inside of the tent was stuffy and glowed with a malevolent red light. Zhao poured tea into cups for the both of them after they had done their initial greetings. He had ignored me, befitting for him because I am a bodyguard. Lord Iroh told him of what had happened.

"I'm devastated to hear about Prince Zuko," Zhao lied with false sadness on his face, "Just devastated."

Lord Iroh closed his eyes as if in pain before he opened them. "The Fire Lord will not be pleased when he learns who was responsible."

I saw the flicker of suspicion and fear in Zhao's face as he frowned. What a coward. "You know who was behind the attack?"

"Yes," Lord Iroh cried and slammed his fist on the table, "Pirates! We had a run in with them awhile back." Zhao raised his cup to his lips and I saw the brief smile there before he drank. What a… "They wanted revenge," Lord Iroh continued.

"So," Zhao said, "have you considered my offer?"

Lord Iroh bowed his head. "Yes, I accept. It will be an honor to serve as your general." He raised his glass in toast, "To the Fire Nation!"

"To victory!" Zhao added with relish. I turned my head and resisted the need to kill the man where he sat. I had never felt such a desire to end someone before in all my days, except only for one other man. And that had been on only one occasion.

After that, Lord Iroh was shown to a tent he would stay in till we would depart in several days. The fleet was going to be massive, telling by the size and number of ships in port. Lord Iroh was shown from Zhao's tent and I went to follow him, but a rough hand grabbing my shoulder stopped me. I turned to look at Zhao's greedy eyes. "Stay awhile," he said, jerking his head towards Iroh's unattended seat. Damn…I had to follow his orders for now. I went over carefully after shrugging his hand off roughly. He went over to his vacated seat and resumed it. His eyes pierced at me, making me shift uncomfortably. "I'm surprise you're alive," he drawled, his eyes roamed over me, "You actually look worse than usual."

I hissed, unable to keep my anger down. "Whatever it is you have to say, say it, or you are just wasting my time." He was anyways, but I was not going to say that.

His eyes hardened with annoyance at my disrespect and bluntness (which is not usual for me anyways.) "You will address me as admiral," he ordered with flames burning in his eyes, "and like I said, your weak excuse of a prince is gone and I am here."

I kept my face placid but I was angry, and startled with confusion. So what? Why did he not just kill me now? I could see the hate in his eyes just as I was sure he could see it in mine. Suddenly he let out a low chuckle which turned into a laugh, "You don't understand, do you?" he asked with sinful glee, "A bodyguard, trained in those arts, yet still so naïve. And yet to think that I thought you were his lover!"

I almost dropped my jaw at this. He thought…I and my charge…? My face now burned as I realized his words and the looks in his eyes. Of course I knew what went on between a man and a woman. Master Keitaro had explained it once when I myself had become a women. It was a conversation that I wished to never repeat. Yet…I had little knowledge of those things nor did I want to know more about it. Zhao…I felt like throwing up. I shuddered as I looked back at him. A smile danced upon his face. "Now you understand," he said confidently, as if he did noy expect to ever be turned down, "My offer still stands. Serve me and you will be well rewarded."

I looked into his eyes with all the hate I could muster. "I serve His Highness," I stated, "and I always will."

His eyes became blazed with fire. "So would rather serve an old man who used to be a celebrated hero of our nation, but is nothing more now than a failure like your dead prince!" he said quickly with furiousness and disbelief in every syllable, "You will come to me. This is not over!" he promised and with that he dismissed me from his sight. When I got far away enough from his tent and with no guards to follow me, I found a place hidden behind a building to throw up.

* * *

I stayed by Lord Iroh's side like a burr for the next few days before we left. Zhao did not speak to me again, but occasionally I would feel his eyes upon me. Lord Iroh and I spoke little as well, each lost in our own thoughts. I did not see my charge and whenever a soldier wandered by I thought if it might be him. Watching behind those masked helmets. I hoped he felt better than I did. I had bruises and scratches all over me. My body still ached with every movement.

We set sail in Zhao's commanding ship, the rest of the fleet spread behind us. There were so many ships. How could we possibly hope to get the Avatar with a force this size to deal with? I tried not to think about it. I was assigned quarters next to Lord Iroh's that were even smaller than the ones that I'd had on my charge's ship, but they would do fine. My ruined clothes had been replaced along with several new knives. My sword and other weapons I did not replace. No point considering I never used them anymore.

Today was the first day we set sail. It will take several weeks to get to the North Pole. The voyage I know is not going to be a pleasant one. Stuck on a ship with Zhao…what a dream come true. I stood beside Lord Iroh, staring out at the gray ocean from a high stoop on Zhao's ship. He stood with his back to us, surveying the ocean as well. It would have too easy to push him off right there and then. "My fleet is ready," he said, "Set a course for the Northern Water Tribe."

Lord Iroh bowed his head and left to convey the orders. Smoke filled the air from all the ships, making the blue sky become a pasty gray. I looked out past Zhao, towards the north, wandering what fate awaited us there. Hopefully she would not be cruel to my charge as she customarily was. Or to myself.

* * *

A/N: I stayed home sick today from school (being quite miserable) and here is the fruit of my labors. As promised, it was long! Hope you all enjoyed it and reviews are as loved as ever!


	12. Arctic Battles

Chapter Twelve: 

Arctic Battles

* * *

"_How is one to live a moral and compassionate existence when one is fully aware of the blood, the horror inherent in life, when one finds darkness not only in one's culture but within oneself? If there is a stage at which an individual life becomes truly adult, it must be when one grasps the irony in its unfolding and accepts responsibility for a life lived in the midst of such paradox. One must live in the middle of contradiction, because if all contradiction were eliminated at once life would collapse. There are simply no answers to some of the great pressing questions. You continue to live them out, making your life a worthy expression of leaning into the light."_

_–_Barry Lopez, Arctic Dreams

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

**Note:** The title for this chapter was inspiried from the book the quotation is also from.

* * *

The last week has passed by in a blur. We are almost there to the Northern Water Tribe. Lord Iroh has constantly been in meetings with Zhao and his commanders or sleeping. I finally saw my charge briefly the other day with Lord Iroh. When I say briefly, I mean as in I saw him for several moments while Lord Iroh spoke to him. His face, usually so smooth with his white skin, had been marred by bruises and a nasty looking black eye. Souvenirs from his ship exploding, I had a few of my own as well. I did not get a chance to speak with him. Other than that there is little to write. I have maintained my training and stuck to Lord Iroh's side. He has been rather quiet of late, much to my preference. I still find myself not wishing to speak with him, not since that _last _conversation. Things should be impersonal between us. His friendship only confuses me even more about things.

Admiral Zhao kept his distance from me for the first week or so of the voyage. Except for his eyes occasionally on me, there was only one incident. I was never alone with him, for the only time I was in his company was when I was with Lord Iroh. One time I was exiting the small chamber I had been given besides Lord Iroh's, starting to make my way for my morning exercises. The sun had not even started to rise yet. I walked down a small, red lighted corridor, the shadows bounding along the walls and ceiling. My feet clanked with every step and the hall was stuffy. I breathed deeply, letting go of the feeling that I could not breathe. My claustrophobia still bothered me. I turned around a corner when low and behold I stopped at the sight of Admiral Zhao coming down the hall. He stopped as well when he saw me. Zhao stood only several feet away, but his face was half in the shadows. There was surprise in that face that instantly turned predatory with pleasure when he saw who I was. "Ah, the little bodyguard, what a distinct pleasure it is to run into you," he sneered. Around Lord Iroh this man put a charming pretense, but dropped it when he was around me. I was clearly beneath him in his eyes, just as he was nothing better than vermin in mine. Yet I knew that he…ugh, I cannot even write the words. "What are you doing up at this early hour?"

I refused to look at his eyes, to acknowledge him in a respectful manner. "Training," I replied blandly, "I _will_ be going now."

Zhao's face split into a grin, with just a smudge of viciousness there. He folded his arms into his chest in a manner that reminded me of my charge. "I've been waiting for a chance like this," he said slowly, intoning each word with anger and something else, "I'm not about to let it pass on by. Not since you_ refused_ me." He is not a man used to getting NO for an answer apparently. I kept the revulsion out of my face and attempted to walk by him without another word. An iron hand snaked out and grabbed my arm. It took all of my self-control to not strike him back. I could not afford to do so. My charge and Lord Iroh needed me. I could not get into trouble with this repulsing man! His voice was threatening and low when he spoke next, "Did I say you could leave?"

"Let go of me," I said back through gritted teeth. He kept his tight grip on my arm and stepped closer to me. I could feel his warm breath on my face, which actually did not smell horrid as I would have expected. Another hard hand touched the few strands of my hair that had escaped from their knot in a caressing way. I shuddered inside. Suddenly he let me go with a darkly humored laugh. "Clearly you're not used to a man's touch," he chuckled, "We will have to remedy that, won't we?" He stepped away from me and started to walk down the hallway without another word. I have avoided any possibility of being alone with him since.

That was until today...

* * *

Zhao stood in front of us on the top bridge of his ship. Before us the pale ocean seemed endless arched by a clear sky. Except for all the smog from the ships that hovered above us. I stood behind Lord Iroh, who was positioned closer to the right of Zhao. We were almost there to the Northern Pole. "This one will truly be one for the history books, General Iroh," Zhao boasted with satisfaction. His back was to me with a wind tugging at his red cape. Lord Iroh was dressed in a red robe with his back to me as well. I could not see their faces, but I did not want to have Zhao's eyes on me, so I was partially pleased with this. "Just think, centuries from now, people will study the great Admiral Zhao who destroyed the last of the Water Tribe civilization," he continued, "You're lucky you're here to see it."

"Be careful what you wish for, Admiral," Lord Iroh advised warningly, "History is not always kind to its subjects."

Zhao turned his head towards Lord Iroh. "I suppose you speak from experience?" he said with a recognizable taunt, "But rest assured, this will be nothing like your legendary failure at Ba-Sing-Se."

"I hope not, for your sake."**  
**

"Tell the Captains to prepare for first strike," Zhao ordered briskly. Lord Iroh turned to leave and I readied to follow. Zhao's voice wafted into the air. "Leave your bodyguard, will you? I could use the company."

I looked at Lord Iroh, even conveying a plea in my eyes. _Don't leave me with him_. The response in Lord Iroh's eyes was sympathetic but determined. I realized then that he was going to meet with my charge. I nodded in understanding and he went his way. Zhao's back was still faced towards me. "Come stand by me," he ordered.

I approached him cautiously and stood by his right several feet away. He looked pleased like he had already won the battle. "Tired of serving that disgraceful, old man yet?" he inquired scornfully. I looked ahead and realized that I could begin to see a white blur on the horizon that was not the ocean. We were there. I ignored Zhao. Soon I would not have to tolerate him anymore. "Answer me," he demanded, vexed by my silence. I had noticed that he did not like my silence when it was just him and I. What can I say? I might as well irk the hell out of him while I can. He turned to me with an impatient glare. "You don't like to talk...I always liked that in my woman."

I knew he said it to get a reaction from me and I knew better then to give him any satisfaction. Yet as time and time again had proven to me, I lacked control over myself. I turned to look at him with glowering eyes that would have made the dead turn in their grave (at least that's what I was going for.) Before I could stop the words, they fell from my mouth of their own accord. "Before this is over, I will see you finished." I would have expected a typical angry Zhao retort or some other sort of menacing reaction.

But he laughed instead.

I cannot even begin to tell you how that set me on fire. I was beyond angry! He then looked at me with amusement in his eyes. "You're determined. I respect that," he said delighted, but his voice turned hard at his next words, "When this is over, you'll be _mine_." My stomach dropped as his eyes locked onto mine. He did not think it possible that he could lose at all. He then waved his hand for my dismissal and I left hurried without looking back.

The bombardment began only minutes later when we had drawn close enough. I could see the Northern Water Tribe city nestled in between the cliffs of ice. It seemed tiny from the ship. A small group of waterbenders managed to raise one of the ships up from the water with jagged ice. I was by Lord Iroh the rest of the day, who in turn was by Zhao most of the day. Streaks of the fireballs could be seen like fireflies across the sky, till they smashed into the icy wall of the city ahead. It was almost pathetic to watch. The Water Tribe had no chance, even I could tell from that. There were reports of the Avatar seen attacking ships in the fleet, but I never saw him. I did glimpse that bison creature of his flying in the sky like a small, white cloud.

Finally when the sun was setting I followed behind Lord Iroh as he entered the command deck. Zhao stood watching through a window as the fireballs were released upon the battle worn city. Smoke rose in the distance against a darkening sky. His hands were clasped behind his back and the cape from earlier was absent.

"It's almost twilight, Admiral," Lord Iroh spoke with his own hands in their usual clasped position, hidden in voluminous grey sleeves, "As your military consultant I must advise you to halt your attack. The waterbenders draw their power from the moon and it is nearly full tonight. You should wait and resume the attack at daybreak."

"Oh, I'm well aware of the moon problem and I am working on a solution," Zhao replied depraved. "But for now, daybreak it is." Typical military guy, for they think only of victory, not of the people who were the enemy. They were faceless to them. In a way, I know I am similar. Only my charge matters and I would protect him no matter how high the cost.

* * *

The ships dropped anchor for the night and an impatient quiet seized the fleet. For a short while I waited in my chambers next to Lord Iroh's, meditating my turbulent mind. Eventually I heard the door to Lord Iroh's chamber open and the familiar sound of his footsteps. Quietly I opened my own door to see him stop as he heard it open. He looked back at me with troubled eyes and I knew it had to be about my charge. He continued in a quick pace and I accompanied him.

He entered a small room that I knew was used as a loading bay for supplies. Ahead of us my charge stood in a bland, white outfit built for the cold. It seemed to make his ivory skin even paler. The skin on his shaved gleamed in the cool moonlight, against the red light from the room. There was a small, metal boat in front of him on pulleys, ready to depart. Lord Iroh spoke first gravely, "If you're fishing for an octopus, my nephew, you need a tightly woven net or he will squeeze through the tiniest hole and escape."

My charge tilted his head in our directed, "I don't need your wisdom right now, Uncle," he responded curtly.

"I'm sorry," Lord Iroh answered pained, "I just nag you because, well, ever since I lost my son." He turned his head away with closed eyes. His anguish was apparent and I shifted next to him uncomfortable. I was not used to seeing this, not even from Lord Iroh. It felt awkward to be here.

"Uncle, you don't have to say it," My charge said in a strangled voice. Right then I felt I should leave. I was intruding into an area of my charge's own business that I should not. He probably did not even realize I was witness to this whole event.

"I think of you as my own," Lord Iroh finished with distress and love.

My charge finally turned around with a genuine look of understanding and regard that I had never seen before. There was a pain in my chest all of a sudden. My charge's eyes flickered on me for only a moment before they turned back to the origin of his emotional look. "I know, Uncle," he affirmed with a bow, "We'll meet again." Lord Iroh unexpectedly rushed towards my charge and seized him into a hug. My charge's face was stunned. He released himself from Lord Iroh's hold and started to enter the small craft. "After I have the Avatar," he stated. He climbed into the canoe and began to lower it into the water.

Lord Iroh walked to the edge of the opening and called out, "Remember your Breath of Fire! It could save your life out there!"

"I will," was my charge's gruff response. He began to disappear over the side of the ship. I should be going with him, I thought, but he had forgotten me into his plans as usual. He would make it. He always did for he is a survivor. I did not look away from him as I myself had approached the edge. He made eye contact with me again briefly and I saw the determination there. He had to catch the Avatar. Yet there was also I think a brief flash of apology. A silent sorry at me being left behind, or maybe I just imagined it. I would not be able to survive out in the cold like he could. He is a firebender and I am not. I would freeze to death before he ever would.

"And put your hood up, keep your ears warm!" Lord Iroh continued.

My charge was now far away and he called back annoyed, "I'll be fine!" He and the canoe became more miniscule as they disappeared into the darkness below. I looked at Lord Iroh's face which was filled with a desperate anxiety. My chest felt tighter than ever at that.

After that, I went with Lord Iroh in the direction back towards our chambers. When he had reached his door, he had turned to me with worried eyes. "He'll be alright, Nira," he reassured me, but it was probably more for himself, which is what troubled me the most, "We'll be there to help him when the time is right."

I had nodded in agreement and then left for my own chamber. I tried to meditate, but to my own surprise I fell asleep of all things...

* * *

_I was standing on the deck of my charge's old ship. The wind was amiably soft, caressing my face with a loving touch. The sun was setting against a purple sky and dark ocean. It was a fiery red at the center, but became a light pink and purple at the edge before it was swallowed by black clouds. Standing a distance from me in that rigid stance, my charge stood watching that sunset. He slowly turned around when he realized that someone was behind him. This time his face was not irked by my presence as it usually was. There were no bruises or abrasions on his face as there had been when I had seen him last. It was the look on his face though that made me suspect…. "Nira?" he called in that brazen, but elegant voice. _

_I bowed. This ship was destroyed though, so what…? _

"_Will you watch the sunset with me?" he asked quietly, cutting off my thoughts. I looked at him shocked. There was only kindness there in his face. I nodded and went over to join him. Minutes passed in a still quiet as the sun began to sink underneath the moody waves. Stars began to shine in the ebony sky through the clouds. We were in the shadows now, making it difficult for me to see my charge's face. "Nira, do you think about the future?" he asked, catching me off guard yet again. _

"_Sometimes, Your Highness." _

_I could feel his blazing eyes on my face. I found it harder to breathe, as if I were having a fit because of my claustrophobia. "What is that __**you**__ want for your future?"_

_I did not look up to his face, hoping the darkness hid my own. What __**I **__wanted…could never be. It is useless to even imagine its being. "Only to serve you, Your Highness," I replied. Even I could detect the stiffness in my answer. _

_I heard him sigh. A callused hand, warm and masculine, grabbed my chin. He tilted my face up and his own eyes, only inches away were a battle of indecision. There was something there I had not seen in there before. I had observed this phenomenon in the looks of those who are in love. No man has looked at me in that way, albeit Zhao but that was in a possessive predatory way. And now…there was that look that I longed for in part, a small, hidden desire. _

_Before I knew it his mouth was on mine, hard and demanding. He…he was kissing me? What was I supposed to do? Push him away? My heart thumped loudly. I had never kissed before and this…_

_I gave in. _

Yet as soon as I did that I awoke with a gasp and a pounding heart. My heart was not the only thing pounding, for someone was banging on my door loudly. I clambered out of bed and opened it. Lord Iroh stood before me. "It's almost daybreak," he said quietly, contrary to the loud racket he had just been making. I bowed my head and followed him towards the top deck.

My appearance was one of calm, but inside I was afire. Where had that dream come from? Naturally I knew the source from where it had come, but I had thought that to be repressed enough. That…realization had come to me after my charge had gone after the Avatar when the boy had been captured by Zhao. I shook my head and pushed the dream away.

Zhao was on the outside balcony of the command deck, surveying the first flank of the fleet before him. The sun was rising, casting a light glow on the icy landscape. **"**It's daybreak at last," he announced, "Let's write history."

The attack began. The first flank of ships came to the city wall and dropped their bowsprits. They sliced through the outer wall like nothing. The troops then flooded down the ramps and into the city. "The Water Tribe can try to resist the inevitable," Zhao said with relish, "but their city will fall today." Smoke began to rise from the city yet again and from the distance I could see flashes of fire from the troops and the fireballs. It was difficult to see from this distance, but the Fire Nation troops looked like a dark swarm of insects plaguing the city with their rhinos and war machines.

Hours passed while we watched the battle pass from the command deck. Occasionally new orders would be given from Zhao, but mostly we watched it as if it were some sort of twisted entertainment. "I don't need to remind you we have a time limit," Lord Iroh finally spoke, "If we don't defeat the Water Tribe before the full moon rises they will be undefeatable."

I was positioned behind Lord Iroh and Zhao, watching the battle. "I assure you I have everything under control," Zhao said maliciously, "I intend to remove the moon as a factor."

Lord Iroh stood next to him with his hood up. It was cold out with an even colder wind. I myself wore a cloak as well. "Remove the moon?!" Lord Iroh cried incredulous, "How?"

I looked behind me as I heard unfamiliar footsteps. The guards were that positioned at the door had a look of confusion as one soldier approached Zhao and Lord Iroh with a spear in his hand. "Admiral Choi!" he yelled, taking off his helmet and throwing it aside. He had the dark skin of the Water Tribe and an arrogant look at that. "Prepare to meet your fate!" An assassination attempt? I almost laughed in ridicule, but I did not feel like getting in the way of this novice. He was after Zhao after all, even if he could not say the man's name correctly. He rushed towards Zhao who casually threw him overboard. Oh well. The Water Tribe boy screamed as he fell and I heard a loud splash. He probably did not survive. Lord Iroh looked over the railing and shook his head before he looked back at Zhao.

Zhao continued on speaking, ignoring the pathetic assassination attempt. I could still dream of a successful one meanwhile. "As I was saying, years ago I stumbled upon a great and powerful secret, the identity of the Moon Spirit's mortal form." Even this conversation had made me stunned I have to reveal, though I am not one to get into the whole Spirit mumbo jumbo. Whenever I do it just leaves me way to confused and disturbed. Like the fact that dreams can be messages from the Spirit World…I shook my head mentally.

"What?" Lord Iroh asked astounded.

"I was a young Lieutenant serving under General Shu in the Earth Kingdom," Zhao revealed. I swear there was probably be a smile on his face right then, "I discovered a hidden library, underground in fact. I tore through scroll after scroll. One of them contained a detailed illustration and the words: moon and ocean. I knew then that these spirits could be found and killed. And that it was my destiny to do so."

"Zhao, the Spirits are not to be trifled with!" Lord Iroh warned angrily. That I could agree with from what I seen from that Avatar stuff, like Roku's now destroyed temple for example.

"Yes, yes, I know you fear the Spirits, Iroh," Zhao said patronizingly," I've heard rumors about your journey into the Spirit World. But the Ocean and Moon gave up their immortality to become a part of our worldand now they will face the consequences!"

* * *

Soon night fell upon the frozen, tiered city. Zhao made leave of the ship with a few firebenders on war rhinoceros, leaving Lord Iroh and I on the ship. Lord Iroh had led way down to one of the extra boats like Zhao had taken. He had not spoken to me since Zhao's abrupt departure, but now he did in a hurried tone, "Nira, I have to stop Zhao. What he is doing is madness!"

As always these issues were beyond me, but my charge was out there in that city somewhere. "I am coming with you," I said quickly, "His Highness is out there."

Lord Iroh nodded gravely, his golden eyes intense with worry and anger, about my charge and about Zhao's plan. I admit that it disturbed me, for wasn't the moon necessary, for the tides and currents? Something about it being part of the balance had been uttered by Lord Iroh as I had rowed the ship with him through the dark waters.

We had gone into a city that was nothing but chaos. It was a war zone and the Waterbenders were winning. Somehow Lord Iroh was right about the moon, for it was full, and shined down on the city. The waterbending I had seen done by the Avatar and Katara were pathetic in comparison. These Waterbenders were performing feats I would not have thought possible. Lord Iroh slinked through the city unnoticed and I followed in similar manner. Wherever Zhao would be, the Avatar and my charge were sure to be nearby.

The city had been in a silver light with the sound of battle filling the air. I had not been in a big battle such as this before and the sounds of fire and men's screams…I will never forget those sounds. The city had been beautiful from what I could tell, each part going up to a new level, tiered by walls. Everything was made of ice, constructed by their waterbending. I remember the village I had seen in the Southern Pole. Had they once had a city like this as well? Lord Iroh seemed to know where he was leading us as we walked through streets that were canals and crossed over what bridges we could find. Lord Iroh breathed heavily ahead of me. Suddenly the silver landscape became a bright red. I looked up with a small gasp. The full moon had become a bright, sanguine color. Something in the back of my head throbbed a little, probably from the cold I guessed. Lord Iroh said next to me urgently, "We must hurry!"

At a practical run we came to a place that was well hidden in the back of the city. It was like a small garden with a waterfall streaming behind it. High ice walls surrounded it with a small river around the grassy island. Two bridges led across to it. There was a single pond on the grassy island with a wooden arch and shrubbery. An unexpected sight. I felt a strange tingle go down my spine. Zhao and his men stood underneath the wooden arch. Zhao had a maniac smile on his face and held a small bag in his hand before himself. The bag moved…was the moon spirit inside of it?

A Water Tribe girl I did not recognize with blinding white hair sat on the bison, watching with wide-eyed fear. The Avatar stood across the pond from Zhao with his Water Tribe peasant companions, Katara and Sokka. The flying lemur was on his young shoulder and the bison stood behind all of them. All looked ready to fight... We had come into the middle of a confrontation, but were unnoticed at the moment. I heard the Avatar speaking in pained concerned as he attempted to confront Zhao peacefully, "Destroying the moon won't just hurt the Water Tribe. It will hurt everyone including you. Without the moon, everything would fall out of balance. You have no idea what kind of chaos that would unleash on the world."

The world seemed to be red as blood in the moon's now evil light. "He is right, Zhao!" hollered Lord Iroh. We stood on one side of the water, not having crossed the bridge. I wondered where my charge was…was he alright?

Zhao held a fist beside the wriggling bag. He looked over at us with a bored expression. "General Iroh, why am I not surprised to discover your treachery?" His eyes briefly connected with my own, not surprised at my presence and even _elated_.

Lord Iroh lifted the hood from his head. "I'm no traitor, Zhao; the Fire Nation needs the moon too. We all depend on the balance," he explained and then pointed an accusing finger at Zhao. Lord Iroh's face was filled with a ferocity I would not have thought to ever witness. "Whatever you do to that spirit I'll unleash on you ten-fold!" He affirmed furiously, assuming a firebending stance, _"_LET IT GO, NOW!"

I backed away several feet away from Lord Iroh, slightly afraid of a man I had always thought to be rather harmless. This man was more powerful then I had ever considered. He radiated power! How naive I was…

Lord Iroh and Zhao locked eyes for a moment. Zhao's face then faltered with seemingly fear and then he lowered the bag. A fish was released into the pond. The moon spirit was a fish?! The red light that was the moon disappeared and resumed to its ethereal light. Somehow that pounding that wracked my mind disappeared. Zhao's face was then overtaken by a look of pure desperation and insanity. He cried with rage when he stood and blasted the water with fire. Near me, Lord Iroh recoiled in horror as I flinched away from the fire as well. The moon went out as if it did not exist and we were plunged into a world of grey shadows. My mind pounded with that fierce headache with one pound and vanished as quickly as it had come. Lord Iroh instantly sprang into attack, crossing the footbridge, firing blast after blast. Zhao blocked one of them and backed away while Lord Iroh took out all of his guards with ease. I saw a look of horror on his face as he fled when Lord Iroh fought his men. I followed him without looking back, leaving Lord Iroh and the Avatar behind. Now I would end him, for myself and for my charge, wherever he was at the moment. But Zhao had made way more quickly then I had thought and I lost track of him. Unfortunately by the time I had found him again, someone else already had...

My charge. Wonders with him would never cease. As I had made way in their direction, my eyes had been drawn to a strange, blue light that flowed through the canals of the city. I had ignored it and kept making my way towards my charge. When I had caught sight of the two on a footbridge over one of the smaller canals, the moon had suddenly appeared back in the sky. Something inside of me breathed in relief and I felt alive, as if I had not noticed that I had been slowly drowning before. I shrugged it off and ran along the icy sidewalk towards my charge.

I saw Zhao stumble and fall to the ground after a series of volleys from my charge. He declared in loud horror, "It can't be!" The strange blue light was coming towards them through the canal, as if heading back towards that oasis. It had something to do with the whole moon spirit thing. I ran as hard as I could towards my charge. He was in danger! Any Fire Nation person is not used to snow and ice, especially their slippery surfaces…

I saw the bright, blue water extending over the bridge and grasping Zhao who looked terrified as it held him up. They looked like a bunch of massive fingers or tentacles! My charge stood on the edge of the bridge, extending his hand out. Was he crazy? Why would he want to save him?! "Take my hand," he called out. Cursing under my breath, I took another step, only to have the world fall underneath me. The last thing I saw was the bright moon shining as my head hit the ice-packed ground.

...Only then was there a forgiving obscurity...

* * *

A/N: Well, I finally reached the end of the first season! (round of applause) Reviews are loved as always and I'm going to mention that I did work a good long time on this chapter. (dropping hints...reviews) As usual, thanks for reading!


	13. Final Farewell

Chapter Thirteen:

Final Farewell

* * *

"_What we call despair is often only the painful eagerness of unfed hope."_ –George Eliot

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

Everything was white.

A pure, blinding white that slapped my face and stung my eyes. It was too cold too even feel anything. I was lost in a…blizzard…? As quickly as I had entered it, the wind that had howled had died. The snow now floated gently to the placid ground. The white landscape continued on forever, flat, till it blurred with a blind horizon. My breath came out in frozen puffs like smoke. I looked down at my feet, surprised to see them in thick, furry boots. Furthermore, I was dressed like a peasant from the Water Tribe! The last thing I could remember was following Zhao and then seeing my charge. They had been fighting on a bridge over a canal, barely visible except for the bright, red bursts of fire. Then that spirit creature…that bright, blue water…a hand grabbing Zhao…my charge trying to _save_ him…then slipping on the ice in my hurry…then darkness…

Was I dead? Or was this just another dream? But it felt so _real_...

I saw a blurred shape way off in the distance. A person? I took off in that direction. It did not take me too long to get there for it was closer then I had thought.

The person…_she_ was dressed in the thick, winter clothes of the Water Tribe. The dark blue of her garments contrasted well with her own light blue eyes. Their shape though was more slanted then those of the Water Tribe and her skin was more of a light gold then the darker color I would have expected. She appeared to be in her mid-twenties by my guess with beautiful, angular features. Her hair was dark brown, almost a true black that hung in several braids that were twisted into one knot at the back of her head. She seemed…familiar somehow. She looked at me stunned, standing a few feet away at about my own height. "Who are you?" she asked, but her voice seemed to come from all around, not _just_ from her. "You seem familiar."

I wondered myself. Perhaps she could help me. "My name is…Nira."

"You hesitated. Are you lying?"

"I…I don't know who I am anymore," I answered with an open pessimistic attitude. I almost gaped at my own response. It was as if…I could not lie here, as if everything that was hidden deep down inside of me was out the open for her to see!

She tilted her head as she looked at me. "You look like one of the Water Tribe, but you carry yourself like a firebender," she remarked grimly.

Who was she? This woman…where was I? "Who are you?" I asked in return.

"My name is Rana."

How could she have _that_ name? Was she my grandmother? "You're dead," I stated bluntly.

"Yes."

"Is this…? What is this place?"

"I don't know," she replied with guarded eyes. "I was alone, wandering in the blizzard, then it stopped and _you_ came." She gestured around herself with fluid movement. This woman…_Rana_…had _my_ name. Or a name that had once been mine. Her face was familiar, but her skin was darker than mine. Not as dark as the Water Tribe peasants I had seen thus far. Perhaps…

"Are you of the Suzuki family?" I questioned her.

Her dark eyebrows arched startled. "Yes, I was," she admitted after what seemed a long silence. "How do you know that?"

I looked away from her piercing eyes. "Because your name was once _my_ name," I explained passively, but inside was another story.

Her mouth opened agape. "Who is your mother?" she demanded immediately.

"Mari," was my short and almost pensive response.

Her face was now one of complete astonishment. "She…she was my twin sister," she said chokingly, "Only younger than me by minutes." Her eyes lit up with recognition and even joy. "You're my niece then."

I looked away yet again from her eyes. They seemed so…forlorn. "I even have your necklace," I said, pulling it out for her to glimpse. "Mother gave it to me. She named me after you and your mother."

"I thought your name is Nira," Rana said suddenly. I looked at her now suspicious face.

"I…do you know of the Society?

Rana's face darkened with a malignant shadow. "Yes," she murmured, "So they took you…why not another I wonder."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

She cackled as if insane, her laughter cried with the frigid wind. "Your eyes…are you a firebender?"

I looked away from her intense eyes. "No."

"Then you inherited mom's waterbending and eyes as I did," she remarked, "A gift or curse." She scowled at her last words.

"You're a waterbender?" I repeated, now the shocked one.

"I was," she replied indifferently, "Mom was from the Southern Water Tribe, one of those captured during the early raids. Dad was one of those to capture her." Rana shrugged as she continued in a bored tone, "He took her from prison and married her. Mom didn't have anywhere else to go."

This was part of family history I had not heard before. The fact that my grandmother had been foreigner, Yes, the rest of this, No. This was going nowhere though! What did I care for old and done history? "Why am I here?" I questioned her.

"How am I supposed to know that?" Rana snapped at me, "I don't even know why _I_ am here!" Rana's eyes were broiled with ranging emotions as she began to speak in a hurried voice, "Did you never fit in?" she asked with despair, "I knew I didn't! The child who couldn't firebend, the only one out of her siblings, cursed by her mother's ancestry." She paused with her rant and I realized that she had to be half-insane, it was if she were talking to herself, not to me, "I left as soon as I was old enough," her voice softened a little, as if be…_regret_..?.. "I didn't even say goodbye. After that I went to the Southern Water Tribe to find a master to train me. But the _Fire Nation_ had destroyed their culture. There were no waterbenders left!" At this her face was quivering with complete hatred. She hated her own nation? Why?

"Do you hate the Fire Nation?"

"How can I not?" she howled back, "Haven't you seen what they've done to the world?! _My own country_…." Her voice died down at that.

"Why didn't your mother train you?" I asked curiously, since that was the reason my grandmother had been captured in the first place, simply for being a waterbender.

"She died giving birth to Mari and me;" Rana answered me bitterly, "Father was ashamed and afraid of my waterbending! Mari always said it was because he was scared for me though…" her voice trailed off in memory before she went on with her story, "I eventually made my way to the Northern Water Tribe after traveling several years through the Earth Kingdom. I found a thriving culture of waterbenders. I coulddn't learn to fight because of their arbitrary customs about women, but I could learn to heal with my waterbending. I learned what I could, but most importantly I had found where I _belonged_," Rana faltered as her expression became one of cynical contemplation. "Yet I wasn't completely happy. I knew I had to go home. Yukai didn't want me to leave."

"What?" I blurted out, wondering why it always involved a man. If I was dead, I did not want to spend eternity here with a crazy aunt!

She looked at me with sharp, acerbic eyes. "He was my husband, but he didn't know who I really was," she reminisced with distant fondness and grief, "I spent several years with him that were…" she sighed dispirited, "But I _had_ to go home."

"Why did you have to go?" I pressed urgently, taken in by her story, "Why not just stay?"

"The past doesn't go away!" She retorted with a snarl, "I had to shed it." Rana looked at me with critical eyes. "I promised him I'd come back." She then raised her head up to the white sky with closed eyes. The look was…heartbreaking. She turned back to me with cold, blue eyes. "When I came home, no one was left except for Mari. Father and our brother, Katsu, were dead," she said wrathfully, but her next words became tender, "Mari was married though and had just had a baby girl with golden eyes…"

"Narimi, my older sister," I told her, but frowned in thought after those words, "There are others in the family, cousins and so on."

Rana scoffed loudly. "The family is slowly dying. What the Society doesn't take first, the war finishes!" she contended with flashing eyes, "You'll see that soon enough!" There must have been something in my face that made her say this next. "Or perhaps you already have."

My throat tightened, but I asked her, "How did you die?"

Rana sighed wistfully as if she had wished to discuss more about the family she seemed to despise. "Where was I?" she began, "Yes…only Mari was there and I gave her my necklace." Her eyes looked towards me with a peculiar humor, "Father had that necklace made for mother…" her eyes hardened yet again as she went on, "I returned to the North, only to learn that Yukai had _died_. He had worried about me and decided to follow me to the Fire Nation. He was captured and killed by the Fire Nation."

I looked at her with the realization that she was an epitome of self-hatred and sorrowful regret. I…felt for her. Rana bowed her head and spoke quietly, "Yukai was the reason I had belonged…I went out into a blizzard and have been wandering in it since." She raised her head and looked at me. Tears trailed down her golden cheeks.

"You let yourself die on purpose?" I asked repulsed. A bodyguard would only kill themselves if they had failed to protect their charge or were useless to do so.

"Yes," she answered with a despairing smile.

"Aren't you supposed to be someplace happier? With your husband?"

Rana chuckled in disgust. "I had thought that once."

"Do you blame yourself?"

"Wouldn't you have?" She hurled right back with an angry posture.

"I-yes," I agreed with hesitation apparent. My charge's face leapt into my mind at that moment. "Maybe you should forgive yourself," I suggested with a shrug.

Rana howled wildly at this. Her laughter seemed to make my own brittle heart break a little. "I was like you once…confused, but having a chance for happiness. Go back, little niece, and don't follow my example."

"But," I started to say but was cut off by the blizzard returning to full force. A strong gale of wind tossed me away from her. All I could see was the whiteness that stung my face. The wind screamed and I swear that a woman's voice wailed with unendurable anguish in that wind...

Then I opened my eyes to the waking world.

* * *

The first thing I became aware of was a dull pain on the back of my head. It seemed to pound with pain each time my heart beat. Having experienced this before, I realized that I had knocked my head once again too hard. Everything was fuzzy as I tried to recall what had happened…

_My charge…a bloody moon…Zhao…._

_Bright water…waterbending...a woman…my name…_

It was there, I knew it was, but it seemed to be just beyond my reach. Parts of it were anyways. My charge had been in danger and then I had managed to get myself knocked unconscious. Another dismal failure. I lifted my head to look around me, but dropped back down with a painful grunt. The ceiling above me was ice. Great…I was still in the North Pole. My quick glance at the room had revealed icy walls and _no _door. It was small, maybe about four paces wide and six paces long. Just fantastic, I had gotten myself captured! My thoughts turned towards my charge, but I pushed it away. Deal with this first then turn my attentions back to my charge.

I lay on a thick fur that was nestled into one corner. I could feel the silky fur underneath my left hand as I flexed. My muscles silently screamed as I had flexed them to evaluate my pain. My body felt as if the Avatar's bison had crash landed on me. Wait…something was not right…I did not feel the fur against my right hand. I lifted my hand up carefully in front of my face, only to be confronted by white bandages that entirely covered it. A cut…? A strange, prickling sensation slithered along my spine…_fear_…

I clawed at the bandage with my left hand. It did not hurt like I expected it too.

No…

Spirits…no!

My hand was mutilated! My last three fingers were nothing but uneven stubs. My ring finger was even higher then my middle finger. My thumb and index finger were intact, except the index finger was missing the tip till almost the firs knuckle. I eyeballed my hand in horror. What could have done this? The skin at the ends looked a little raw, but it was healing faster than it should be.

How could I fight now? I looked at my left hand and was relieved to see it whole. But…my hand...I…I stared at it appalled. It was useless now! And my charge, I had to find him! What would he think? How could I serve him like this? A thought whispered in my mind that seemed familiar, "_A bodyguard would only kill themselves if they had failed to protect their charge or were useless to do so." _

I pushed the thought away and then beat myself up mentally. I would have to forget about my hand for now. There were more important issues at hand. One, get out of this room. Two, get some weapons if I could. Mine would have been taken from me. Three, find out what had happened to my charge. Where were they keeping him? If he was alive…

I sat up slowly, trying not to think as the room around me spun. I sat upright and saw I was dressed in my clothes from before, albeit they were ruined. _"You are a failure and now a cripple,"_ another thought muttered darkly. I shivered and attempted to stand up, but ended up grasping the cold wall with my left hand for support. The wall as solid and I knew that attempting to smash through them would be like trying to run through a stone wall. There were no crevices for any door or exit. It was too smooth without any roughness to it.

I ended up sitting back on the furs, waiting for the enemy to come. It is the waiting I detested. To make it worse, I was left only with my thoughts….and my failure…

* * *

Hours passed before someone finally came. The ice wall slid down as the figure of an old women shuffled into the tiny chamber. Her dark skin was lined with age like ancient leather and her once dark hair was streaked with gray. It hung in two braids at the sides of her rounder face. She seemed to have a permanent frown between dark blue eyes that looked at me confidently. "You're awake at last," she noted critically. Her face frowned even more as it encountered my useless hand, "And you ruined your bandages!" She made a sound of annoyance and took a step towards me.

So, they sent an old woman to end me. Some end…I did not move. To my surprise, the old woman took my hand into her even smaller one. With her other hand, she waterbended water onto it and covered her own hand like a glove. It shined like the stars. An image of bright, blue water shaped like fingers sprang in my mind, reaching over an icy bridge bridge...

It disappeared as I attempted to follow it. The old woman held her own water plastered hand against mine for a few moments and I felt a cooling sensation that was pleasant. When she let go of my hand, I snatched it back to examine it. The skin on my ruined fingers was now _healed_. She had done that with waterbending? The old woman stood back up and examined me now in turn. "I have something for you to do," she said with a hint of an order.

I looked up into her old face and saw little enmity. Mostly it was curiosity, otherwise her face was nonjudgmental. I did not forget for one second that she was the enemy though. She must have been the one to destroy my hand! Torture…barbarians! I had been taught to only use it in the direst of situations. Only if there was no other choice. "What did you do to my hand?" I hissed.

"Saved it," she replied briskly, "What I could of it. You should be grateful."

I gave her a blank stare. She shook her head. "It's called the frostbite. The cold can eat your fingers, toes, ears, or such if not protected properly. You were _lucky_ to lose only a couple of fingers."

I vaguely recalled of hearing such incidents. The look on her face was open and not one of telling lies. Hmph. She had healed the skin and must have been the one to bandage it as well. She was only a healer then. "What happened?"

"The Fire Nation lost," was her brief reply that intoned the warning that the subject was closed.

"Aren't you going to question for me to information?"

The old woman raised a single white eyebrow. "That's none of my business," she clucked, "I'm a healer and you're just a soldier."

So, they did not know who I was. Good. Now to find out about my charge. "Are there any other prisoners?"

"Ah, that reminds me," the old woman replied, "Come now." She did a gentle movement with her hands and the ice wall slid down. It would have been easy to escape if I could firebend. Or move without pain or the world spinning around me for another. I followed her carefully and luckily she moved slowly as well from her age. My eyes found a guard to my left as soon as I exited into the frozen hall. He was young, still beardless, but carried himself well. He followed as the peasant women led me down the hall. There were no lights, except for the snow walls itself. It was if they alight from the sun, casting a dim, clear light. The old women took us through corridors like this taking a few turns. I saw other doorways that led to other tundra halls, but no visible sign of the outside world. Eventually the women took me through a smaller corridor and into a room. The guard nodded at another positioned outside the doorway. Our guard left us. The other guard was older with battle scars across his face. Those blue eyes were full of hatred when they met me. The old women stagnantly entered the room and I followed. I am sure the guard's eyes never left by back for the doorway had no door.

The room we entered was circular in shape with the walls curving upwards to form a dome ceiling. The ground was covered with brown and tan furs. There were Fire Nation soldiers propped up against pillows or just lying on the ground. The old woman pointed towards one of the Fire Nation soldiers in the room. "That one, he is dying," she said quietly, "You may comfort him if you wish."

Even in my own desolation, I was taken aback by this civility. "Why do you want me to comfort him? Why not just kill us? We're useless!" I spat spitefully.

The old woman's frowned forehead wrinkled even more. "They _are_ going to die. Their injuries are too severe, except for yours." I resisted the desire to let my eyes drift toward my left hand. I clenched it behind me. "It's not our way to end a life like that."

The frigid walls appeared to close on around me, making harder for me to breathe. The old woman's eyes missed nothing. "Small spaces bother you," she observed. I took in deep breaths and ignored her. The walls expanded back to their original size. "Go give them the last words or whatever it is you Fire Nation do for your dying," she said with exhaustion, "I have my own people to attend to now." She walked out of the room as quickly as she had entered it. Another guard I had not noticed before was positioned inside of the room as well. He watched me with glacial, blue eyes.

Even if the buildings were made of snow, they were warm inside. There were only seven men in the room…so few. I walked over to the man she had pointed towards. He was lying on the furs that covered the floor. His head was propped up by one small pillow. The man was covered by a thick blanket, only his pale face was visible. I wondered what his injuries were for his face was tight with pain, even when unconscious. I kneeled next to him, eyes skimming over his youthful face. He was older than me by only a few years. A low moan emanated from him as he shifted slightly, Golden eyes met mine as his flickered open. There was panic at first as he thought I was the enemy, but then it was met with confusion and pain. Then there was recognition. "You…" he rasped with effort, "Rana!"

"_No!"_ was the word that screeched through my mind when it hit me like a thunderbolt.

_..Ryda_...

I had not thought of him for weeks, not since our brief encounter. Of course he had come to the North. He served under Zhao…or had. "Where?" Ryda gasped, his white face even paler then the snow.

I kept my face blank. What I did feel now would not be good for him to see. I was numb as if frozen by this nightmare. "The North Pole," I answered him, "We lost."

A bleak smile decorated his lips. "Dying?" he asked, his words now a mere whisper. I have been trained to lie, to do whatever it takes to protect my charge. But the look on Ryda's face kept me from lying to him now, even if I ached to.

"Yes," I said, my own voice sounded...distraught? This whole time he had known who I was. It was there in his eyes! And to think that I had believed I had had him fooled before! Ryda's chest was becoming slower in its labored breathing. The once sharp eyes were blurred, even from the pain. "You knew all along who I was," I accused him, "All along."

"Yeah…" he admitted in a murmur, "Was it…worth it… the war? Every-?" His words stopped and his eyes became more glazed.

I could not find the words because I did not know them myself. I took his hand into my own, one tiny comfort. The_ war_…and Ryda had known who I was, the whole time! "I do not know," I said simply.

Ryda closed his eyes. "Tell…Soran …sorry."

Soran? Who was she? "Who Soran is?" I asked. He did not answer me. "Ryda?" His closed eyes didn't flinch. I looked for a pulse on his neck.

There was none.

I sat there holding his hand till it was frigid as the northern weather we were in. I barely knew him. I had known him as a young child for he was my cousin. He was kin.

And now he was gone.

Just snuffed out as easily as a candle.

I think then I was envious of him. I wished I was dead too. Everything I had trained to do was now destroyed. I could never again be the whole fighter I had been! My right hand was as close to useless! And worse, I had _failed_ my charge in every way possible. I did not even know if he was _alive_. I deserved to die. I wanted to die!

The other men in the room passed away one by one in the following hours. Only one other awoke, but his eyes had held a certain resignation. He did not know me or I him, but those last few minutes was enough in a way. He had been young, his early twenties, with a long scar cut straight across his face. His skin was a golden sand color matching his eyes. His dark, brown hair was free from any binds and lay in wispy curls. He was the last still breathing; his chest did not seem to even move at all. Those sandy eyes, yet somehow dark like an eclipsed sun, met mine when they had opened. "Who are you?" his voice cracked, not even a sigh, when he spoken.

"My name is…Nira," I replied. That is my name, not the other one uttered by Ryda. Another image played before my waking eyes,_ a woman with tragic blue eyes_. I blinked and looked back at the dying man, knowing that I had failed and did not deserve any name.

The man grimaced when he attempted to speak again. "We're prisoners?"

"Yes," I professed, looking away from his eyes. They knew, even before I spoke the words, that he was going to die.

"Shiro," he grunted in pain, every syllable trembling, "My name."

I nodded. "Shiro," I repeated, "I will stay with you till the end."

"Th-thank you," he said and had meant it. I made my eyes meet his. I would remain strong for him. It was the least I could do for a dying soldier. Minutes passed and I saw the life flee from his eyes. The sandy eyes were now a void as empty as myself. He was gone. I closed his eyes with my left hand, hoping he would find peace in whatever comes after. _Ryda…_I hoped I would see him there, along with father and Koun. I would be joining them soon enough.

* * *

A/N: This chapter is a darker one, I'll admit. But Nira's given name has finally been revealed! (nudges the reader) Reviews are greatly loved. Thanks for reading!


	14. Judgement

Chapter Fourteen:

Judgment

* * *

"_You have a choice. It may not be a choice you like, but it is still a choice.  
_-Michelle Pfeiffer

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

The old woman eventually returned, shuffling into the icy room. I sat on the animal furs that covered the ground, sitting as still as the dead in the room. She looked at me with sharp blue eyes. "Their all gone, huh?" she remarked. She bent over one of the men, checking for a heartbeat that did not exist. "Hmm…well, come with me then."

I did not move.

The peasant looked at me grumpily. Behind her, the young guard fidgeted, anticipating to take some sort of action. I did not understand! Why would they just not kill me already? They thought me to be a common soldier, so they knew I was useless to them. Why treat my injuries? Why give comfort to the dying enemy?!

"Come along," the old women repeated as if speaking to a small child. Up until now, I had held the barrier, holding back my despair and anger. Father, Koun, and now Ryda…my charge…

I had failed.

I should die. I never should have even woken up!

The void inside exploded with a powerful surge of grief and lament. I had not ever been as overwhelmed with feeling as I was in that moment. All of my control disappeared as if they had not existed to begin with. It was several more moments before I realized that the pathetic cry wailing in the air was coming from me.

The old woman watched me with pity apparent in her blue eyes. The guard looked hesitant as he held his weapon ready.

I wanted to die!...I….I…wanted to feel _nothing._ A large cracking sound shot through the room. The next thing I was aware of was the cold snow collapsing around me as the ceiling above caved in. A shout of alarm rang in the air. I could not breathe as the snow buried me in its frigid embrace.

There was only the spiking cold…

And the darkness….I welcomed it.

* * *

I awoke to a pair of bright blue eyes gazing at me in concern. I recognized the face that they belonged to with hazy thought….Katara…? What was she doing staring down at me?

Then I remembered. "Am I dead?" my voice asked in a cracked whisper.

"No," was a firm reply from a young, masculine voice. "Thanks to my sister you aren't."

Katara's warm hands touched my head, examining it. "You really need to stop hitting your head on things," she said wryly. I rolled over painfully on my side, attempting to look around the room. It was not especially different from what I had seen so far of this place. Katara sat next to me, while her brother sat only a short distance away. He glared at me with crossed arms.

What had happened to make that room collapse? Why wasn't I dead? My eyes turned back to Katara dazed. Why were they here I wondered bitterly.

"Katara saved your life," an authoritative voice declared. I looked over by the entrance-way to the room to see a middle-aged Water Tribe man walking into the room with a confidant stride. His eyes were shrouded and more slanted then the usual in a face that was stretched thin with high cheekbones. He carried himself as a leader does. "My name is Chief Arnook." Behind him stood the Avatar, watching me curiously but with nervousness in his young face.

"You saved me?" I croaked in disbelief at Katara. She dipped her head in acknowledgement. Just perfect…a life-debt, and to her of all people! She must be a healer like that old woman. I wondered briefly what had happened to her. I looked back over at the Chief and specifically towards the Avatar. He would know what had happened to my charge. He looked unchanged from what I had last encountered him. "Where is His Highness?" I demanded, but my voice came out as a strained whisper.

"I don't know. He disappeared along with his uncle," he replied with his intense grey eyes, "We were hoping you could tell us where he is."

I turned my head away. Even if I had known, I would not have told him. "Why are you still here?" Sokka suddenly challenged me. I briefly glanced at his angry face. He did not like me at all. The feeling was mutual. It amused me to a certain extent that he acted as if any second now I would leap up and attack them. I barely had the strength to turn my head.

I concentrated my attention back to Katara, silently cursing her. Why could she not just have left me to die? "I am in debt to you," I said frailly, "A life-debt as it is." She looked at me with bewildered shock. The Avatar and Sokka did as well.

Chief Arnook did not look the least bit surprised. He spoke next, "The Avatar has told me all about you. You're the bodyguard to the crown prince of the Fire Nation." His eyes narrowed as he spoke next, "I'm surprised you have not tried to firebend your way out of here yet." I looked at him with dead eyes. Would he be the one to kill me then? Katara was not the type to do so, not the Avatar. I did not know about her foolish brother though. "Aren't you wondering how that room collapsed with no apparent reason? Mika, the healer who attended to you, told me of what she witnessed. You went in a fit and destroyed the room by _waterbending_."

I looked at him instantly. There was no pretense there. _What?...Waterbending…me?_ That…that was impossible! But my grandmother had been a foreigner. _"So, you have her eyes and waterbending," a women's voice noted coolly in my mind. "A curse of a gift, I wonder."_What in the name of…? Where had that come from? That voice….I shoved the thought away as I thought about my long deceased grandmother. Was it possible that through her I could have inherited this? I shook my head as I spat at Chief Arnook, "No! I am Fire Nation! What you suggest disgusts me!" It could not be true for I am Fire Nation!

The Chief watched me with uncaring eyes. "The guard also told me of the Fire Nation soldier who called you by the name _Rana_. Did you know that that is a Water Tribe name?"

I stared at the four beings in the room, pondering this with desperate denial. I had been named after my grandmother. My mother's sister had had that name as well. I owned the necklace that had belonged to the both of them. Mother had told me once that I had her sister's eyes…her mother's eyes. Is that why my aunt had left long ago? Narimi had told me that the aunt we had never known had just disappeared one day. Had she been a _waterbender_? Cynical blue eyes became a mirage in my mind. When I blinked, they vanished. I….I….

"You need to time to think about this," Chief Arnook continued, "I will return later." He nodded respectfully towards the Avatar and left the room.

The Avatar looked at me with curious eyes. The look on his face revealed that he had not known this knowledge. "I thought your name is Nira."

"It is!" I snapped with as much power in my voice as I could. It came out rather weak though. "Rana…I forgot that name long ago."

I had forgotten about Katara as she sat next to me but she spoke again. "The soldier who called you that, he knew you?" I recoiled from her. There had been kindness in her words. Sympathy even.

"He was my cousin," was my brief and bitter reply, "Now go away!"

Her brother shrugged with his bony shoulders when she looked over towards him with a questioning gaze. Sokka made first way for the exit, while Katara ushered the Avatar out of the room with a comforting hand on his shoulders. "Wait!" I called out. They both turned and looked at me with guarded expressions. "Avatar, what do you plan to do with me?"

The Avatar replied simply, "You're the Water Tribe's prisoner." He turned and left with Katara at that. Chief Arnook was to be the one to decide my fate then. I was alone now. No, a guard stood outside the entrance way. I raised my mutilated hand before me, staring at its disfigured digits.

Nira…bodyguard…Fire Nation….

….Rana…Water Tribe?....

I did not know.

Everything was pulling me in conflicting directions. Who was I? For the first time in my life that single question rang loud and clear before me. My family: Ryda…mother…all of them…my charge! What would they think if they saw me now? What would _he _say? I was mortified as I felt _tears_ on my cheeks. I was _crying_. I was not one to cry. I had not for years…such a display is one of weakness.

I closed my eyes. My head hurt. I did not want to think about anything right now. The last thought that drifted into my mind before I feel asleep was idea that I was not helpless even now, for now I was a _waterbender_...

* * *

The following morning I was brought peculiar food of the Water Tribe. It was different to say the least. The guard who brought it was the same one from before. The young one who had been there when I had destroyed the room. I did not attempt conversation nor did he. I was left to wait for hours which is the part I detest the most. I attempted to exercise but quickly found I did not have the strength for it so instead I would attempt to just walk around the room. It was perhaps near midday when something of interest finally happened! Chief Arnook strolled into the room with that knowing air of his. I had been sitting and did not stand up. He looked at me with some fascination when he spoke, "You are to come with me to a council meeting to decide your fate."

"Is that not what you are supposed to do as Chieftain?" I asked in a seemingly bored tone. Sometimes I am grateful for the training I received in hiding one's emotions, even if I do not excel at it at times.

"This is not an easy situation," he explained. "The Avatar says that you are not a threat. I wonder if I can believe him about you." Chief Arnook's eyes looked at me critically before he motioned for me to follow him. A guard, naturally, was there to follow us.

I was lead to a place that I never could have imagined. It was a large icy hall that at the end of it a raised platform area with steps. Over it was a beautiful icy hardened arch with a waterfall flowing strongly behind it. Four huge decorated pillars with animal faces lined the room equally and on the ground lay the insignia of the Water Tribe in between these four pillars. At the end on the raised platform sat four men on the highest step. Below them sat an older Water Tribe man and it was by this man that Chief Arnook settled himself by. I was surprised to find that there were no guards. I stood before them. It was the man by Chief Arnook who spoke first, "So, this is _her_." He gave a loud snort. "She's too small! How could she have been a bodyguard?"

My fate was to be decided by a council of Water Tribe men who probably hated me? Life has a funny, cruel twist to it. But then, I wanted to die…right? I was actually seething over the man's words. Who was he to call me small? The four men behind him were of various looks but nothing of notice to myself. They whispered amongst themselves while Chief Arnook and the old man watched me. Chief Arnook spoke next, "Nira of the Fire Nation, you have been brought before this council to decide your fate. Your situation is one that needs examination and careful deliberation for the Avatar wants you to live."

"So, the only reason I am alive is because of him?" I asked cynically.

"The recent discovery of your waterbending is also being taken into account," Chief Arnook replied with unreadable eyes, "I need to ask you a few questions for the council and you must swear to answer the truth."

"What do I swear on?" I asked in return, "I do not know your gods nor do you know mine."

"How about on your life if you value it at all," the old man commented with a bored expression.

Chief Arnook dipped his head in acknowledgement.

"I swear on my life to tell the truth," I responded with downcast eyes. I did not care about my life…so I could lie if need be.

"Where are you from?" one of the men asked from the four behind Chief Arnook.

"The Fire Nation."

"Your parents?" Another inquired.

"They are from the Fire Nation as well."

"How is it then that you are a waterbender?" Chief Arnook questioned me with searching eyes.

"I was not raised by my family for I was trained from childhood to be a bodyguard, but I believe my grandmother was from the Southern Water Tribe."

"What was her name?" Chief Arnook continued with those prying eyes.

"Rana."

"You were named after her," he stated.

The old man's eyebrows shot up. "If I recalled correctly, her name is Nira, a _Fire Nation_ name."

"It is," I replied annoyed, "I gave up the name _Rana_ a long time ago."

"If that is the case, then you will be treated as any Fire Nation prisoner would be," one of the men behind Chief Arnook drawled, "You are a waterbender and are clearly descended from one of the Water Tribe, but if you deny your own heritage as you have thus far…then it will not be recognized."

I closed my eyes as I thought over the man's words. When it came down to it there were two choices before me, life or death. If I desired to live, I would have to claim what I had tried to have forgotten, for in accepting that _name_would be the recognization of everything I had used to be….or could have been. What would I have been if I had not become a bodyguard?

The other choice…the right choice…was death. It would be the proper thing to do for I was Nira now. Nira was alive, not Rana! And Nira…I had failed…I wanted to die…didn't I….?

"_But my little one changed that I don't even recognize her anymore."My father's voice said sadly in my mind._

"_I was like you once…" another familiar somehow, but bitter female voice said._

"_You've changed, but mostly I think you're confused."My little brother's more masculine voice said._

"_Nira, do you think about the future?" Was the last voice…his voice._

Just as quickly as those whisperers came, they vanished from my mind. Now of all times I had to decide who I might become for now it was _my _choice. Life or Death…

But the thing is,

I do not know what to do.

* * *

A/N: I apologize for taking so long to update and for the shortness of this chapter. Thanks for reading!


	15. Choice and Change

Chapter Fifteen:

Choice and Change

* * *

"_Just because everything is different doesn't mean that everything has changed."_ –Irene Peter

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

I could feel the penetrating eyes of the Water Tribe men on my bowed head as I wandered in my own thoughts. Their council whispered to each other in murmured tones, almost sounding like the wind rusting the branches and leaves.

_What did I want?_

I began slowly, not even thinking my own words thoroughly enough when they came from my mouth, as soon as I began to speak, the men fell quiet to listen, "I am Fire Nation…but I know that I am part Water Tribe now. Everything I had in the Fire Nation is gone now and His Highness…" my voice faltered and the old man before me smirked. I put strength back into my voice, "My life was chosen for me, but now in a way I get to choose. I am a waterbender which makes me…an enemy of the Fire Nation."

Several of the men amongst the four in the back row had their jaws hanging open. The old man of all things smirked even more and Chief Arnook looked at me with a flash of some sort of satisfaction. It was him who spoke next, "The council must deliberate. When we are finished, you will return here." He gestured with his hand to a guard who seemed to appear out of nowhere. I nodded my head and followed the guard out of the chamber.

This guard, unlike all of the others, was not openly armed with any weapons. Did he fight hand-to-hand? As soon as I thought that, I realized my own stupidity for he had to be a waterbender. I had been assigned a new kind of guard...was I considered more dangerous now? This guard caught my attention more than any of the others had, though I cannot quite explain why. He was older then me by only several years I would guess, perhaps around eighteen years by the look of it. He was dressed in their typical clothing and had the usual dark skin. His hair was almost to his shoulders and several small braids were on the sides, but other than that it hung free. I think it was his eyes that had drawn my attention. They were wider then Fire Nation eyes, like my own in that aspect and those of the Water Tribe, but they were a darker blue of the ocean. They seemed to have unending depths. The guard looked at me bemused as we walked. I began to notice we were not headed back to the chamber I had been at before, for we were headed outside!

It was during the afternoon, for the sun was already in the western part of the sky. I had not seen the city from this close, or from so high a vantage point, for we were on one of the top levels of this tiered city. It was breathtaking I will admit, but different. It must have shown on my face for the guard smiled even more. "My name's Enlai," he introduced himself, "You're that Fire Nation prince's bodyguard, right?"

I looked for any malice in his grinning dark face, but I was stunned to find none visibly anyways. "I was," I said monotone. Those words slapped me in the face when they came out though. Had I not just shortly ago wanted die for my failure?

"I hear that you're a waterbender?" he asked curiously.

"Apparently," I said in return. We had stopped walking and where in front of some other large, but beautiful icy building. There was a whole fleet of steps before me. "What are we doing out here?"

"I thought you might like some fresh air," Enlai replied with a shrug. He seemed to be quite warm in his outfit but I was still in my outfit from before. I was to say the least, _not_ warm. Enlai frowned as he looked at me, "Aren't you cold?"

"No!" I snapped. In reality I was, but I am not going to let that show. I may be part Water Tribe by blood, but that does not mean I like or trust these people.

Enlai snorted loudly with disbelief, but his dark, blue eyes trembled with laughter. "What's your name?"

I halted as I had begun to walk down the steps. My back was to him. "Does it matter?" I questioned, turning my head around.

"Names are important," he said with a charming grin, "If you don't have one, what do people call you, "Hey you?" I suppose I could come up with one for you!" Enlai's smile had turned to one of a mischievous nature. "How about Sayuri?"

I looked up at him suspiciously. He was only several steps behind me, but he towered over me, especially since he was rather tall to begin with. Didn't he have anything else better to do or did people who were suppose to be _guards_ just like to socialize these days? I felt a brief stab in my chest as I remembered Ryda and how I had thought so similar when I had been guarded by him. "What does it mean?" I inquired with a sigh in exasperation.

Enlai's eyes twinkled like stars. "It means little lily," he answered, "Your skin is pale and you are so tiny, like a little lilly. You don't look very threatening." He then winked at me.

I merely stood there blinking. Was…was he _flirting_ with me?

Enlai didn't even bat an eyelash. "I suppose you don't like the name then?"

I was still standing there at loss for words.

Enlai tilted his head and some of his dark hair fell across his face. He brushed it aside carelessly with one hand. "You don't like to talk much, do you?"

I nodded. My speech was still incapacitated.

Enlai chuckled softly. "Let's get inside where you can be warm."

The next several hours were spent in Enlai's company. I did not speak much, but that did not prevent him from doing so. The conversations were different to say the least, though I did learn some things about the Northern Water Tribe. Such as that women could not learn to fight with their waterbending, but Katara had been the first to do so in living memory. Enlai had spoken of her with a touch of awe and respect. "I didn't even stand a chance against her in the sparring circle," he had said with self-laughter, "She is one powerful waterbender." I recalled how she could barely bend in previous battles against my....

Things have changed in such a short time.

* * *

Eventually, Enlai escorted me back to the chamber with Chief Arnook and his council. Enlai had winked at me and murmured, "You'll see me again," before he departed. I walked with what I hoped to be a confidant stride into the chamber and stood before them again. Two of the men in the back looked furious, one bored out of his mind, and the other pleased. Chief Arnook was still unreadable and the old man now stared at me with a nonplussed frown.

"The council has decided after careful deliberations on what to do with you," Chief Arnook said, "Your words from before was truth to you?"

My tongue felt swollen as I replied, "Yes."

Chief Arnook did not smile, but his eyes were triumphant. "You are to travel to our sister tribe with a group of waterbenders and healers who have decided to help rebuild the Southern Water Tribe. It is there that you may find kin of your grandmother and perhaps more."

The old man next to him looked at me snidely, "I am Master Pakku and I will be your teacher." He raised a single white eyebrow. "This will be interesting, I think."

Chief Arnook cleared his throat. "It is an honor for Pakku to wish to instruct you. Girls are not usually taught by him."

"At all really," one of the men from behind said loudly. It was the one who looked extremely bored, "It is even more of an honor because of your…heritage."

Chief Arnook said next, "You are a waterbender now and one of us, making you an enemy of the Fire Nation, as you said yourself. I would suggest that you forget any nostalgia you would retain to it, even your name."

I nodded. He was right. If the truth were ever discovered in the Fire Nation, even by my….

"My name is Rana," I declared.

All of their blue eyes watched me: some with hatred, others jubilant, or just unreadable. Blue eyes…they are so common here, but in the Fire Nation, they had marked me.

* * *

Several days later I found myself on a Water Tribe ship, but during those several days beforehand I found myself with the freedom to travel the city with no guards. I was not truly trusted, I think, but I did have a free reign. The city was easy to become lost in I soon learned. I did end up having to spend a good portion of my time in the hands of a seamstress though, for the clothes that I wore on my back were in ruins. Instead I was provided with those darker blue hues of the Northern Water Tribe in warm and solid outfits. It felt weird for I was used to my simple black or Fire Nation colored outfits. I ended up staying in a simple sleeping chamber that was shared with the old women healer from before. She did not speak to me again, but she did snore loudly instead during the night. The other good portion of my time was spent in helping to prepare for this voyage. I ended up helping to pack and such with other Water Tribe women. Most who I encountered would either ignore me with glaring eyes or say something that I would have tried to make them regret with glaring eyes. There was the occasional person who might say hello in greeting but not much beyond that. The one major thing I detested outside of the cold weather was the food. It was so…fishy tasting!

I soon learned that the Avatar and his companions were to be with us for awhile. At first I did not know how to react considering I had been helping my…

We had been enemies, but I know the Avatar had not wanted me to be executed. I owed Katara a life-debt. Her brother is an idiot as far as I am concerned. There had more than one ship, so would I even encounter them?

The rest of my time was spent in the company with Master Pakku. I found myself comparing his teaching style to that of Master Keitaro's. Master Keitaro had been hard and demanding. He was the type who wanted perfection and the sort of man you could never read. Master Pakku was demanding and hard as well, but unlike Keitaro, he would take any opportunity to use his witty sarcasm. I could tell that Master Pakku was kind underneath even though he was like a bitter onion on the outside. Master Keitaro had not been kind or mean, he had just been. It is hard to explain.

Master Pakku had quickly declared me to a waste of his precious time for I was not that gifted we both learned. He had begun to teach me basic movements and steps but it is impossible for me to even recall one set properly or even get it right! Master Pakku said to me at the end of our first session that it was because of my "rigid and brutal Fire Nation training." He also went on with some glee that there was no fluid movement in my style and that I was "stark like a Fire Nation uniform." I did not take this good mentally for at the Society I had been good, perhaps not at first, but entirely capable of remembering a simple set!

It was not until I actually set foot onto the ship as they prepared to leave I learned there was only one. The whole ship is made out of wood! Who can believe that?! Some of the Earth Kingdom ships are as well but I am surprised that they don't snap like twigs in a decent storm. They are alright for short voyages, but for one to the other side of the world…?

Yet the second I stood on deck I had a view of the Avatar's furball monster (I later learned it is called a sky bison) and dived for the stairs that I presumed to go below deck. Of course the moment I run down deck I make a head collision course with someone and end up sprawled on top of that person. I had just managed to come down the stairs so some sunlight was behind me but the rest of the narrow hallway was dark. This ship was even worse than my….

My chest tightened at the thought of the enclosed spaces. It was the slight moan underneath me that brought me back to my present situation. I had raised myself onto my arms and looked directly down into the face of Enlai. His eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"She speaks after all," he exclaimed with false amazement, "I might ask the same thing, but getting tackled and then having you sit on me like this was something I didn't expect when I woke up this morning. It's only been a wild dream of mine till now."

At that I quickly shoved myself off of with him with burning cheeks. He looked up at me with a cheeky grin and then stood up himself. "I heard you would be on this trip Sayuri. Didn't expect me to be here, huh?"

If I could have, I would have rolled my eyes. "Why are you here?" I repeated.

Enlai just continued to smile with flashing teeth. "I volunteered and Master Pakku was my teacher as well. Besides, I have always wanted to travel and see other _beautiful_ sights that I cannot see at home."

I knew it! He was _flirting_ with me…but why? Last time I had been speechless, but not this time. I would just ignore it! "Alright," I said, "Why did you call me Sayuri?"

"It's the name I gave you, remember?" He said with laughter in his eyes, "You never gave me yours."

"My name is Rana."

"Yes, I heard. I also heard your name is Nira, but personally I like Sayuri the best," he responded with a bright smile, "It suits you."

I shook my head slowly.

"Well, at least I can recognize a good name for you," he said and patted me on my shoulder. I froze on the spot. No one ever casually touched me, not even Lord Iroh had. Enlai slowly removed his hand as he felt me tense up. I looked up and was stunned to see the seriousness in his face. I had come to think him incapable of it. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything by it, to make you uncomfortable that is," he began to apologize, but it started to turn into an unsure babble.

"Your apology is accepted," I interrupted him sternly, "You did not know."

"Ah, good," he said pleased, "As glorious as it is to be in your company and conversation, I need to be getting up deck."

I nodded and moved aside for him to access the stairs behind me. He started to go up them and then halted. He turned his head with a quizzical look. "Why did you come stampeding down like that? It wasn't because you knew I was down here and was that excited now, Sayuri?"

"The Avatar's furball is up there," I replied stiffly.

Enlai crowed with laughter. "Furball?" he gasped, "Just to let you know it is called a sky bison."

I glared and trotted down the darkened hallway with my bag in hand. I needed to find a room with an available bed to sleep in. Master Pakku had informed me it was a fend for yourself on where you ended up sleeping, unless I found room to sleep with the healers. All of the people on the boat were to be men, outside of two other healers. Not counting the Avatar and his companions. I had not met any of the others who would be on the ship, other than Enlai and Master Pakku. Not that I remembered anyways. My current goal was to find where the two other healers would be staying. There was no way I would be sleeping in the same room with a group of sweaty, smelly men!

* * *

A/N: Again, sorry for the shortness of the chapter! The next one will be longer, but won't be posted for a couple of weeks. Thanks for reading though!


	16. Impressions

Chapter Sixteen:

Impressions

* * *

"_We have a hunger of the mind which asks for knowledge of all around us, and the more we gain, the more is our desire; the more we see, the more we are capable of seeing."_ –Maria Mitchell

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

_The fog surrounded me like a gray shield of oppression, waiting to welcome me. I was standing on the deck of __**his**__ ship. Just like I used too. It had not been but just weeks ago yet it felt like years. Time slips by so easily. _

_The sharp spray of salt air was there in the still air. I looked to my left to see the figure of my father, just as I had seen him in that dream. A smile alighted his face as he beckoned me silently. Out of the mist, two shadowy figures appeared. One was Koun as a young man in stiff, Fire Nation armor. He put a hand on father's shoulder with an amiable grin. Beside him was Ryda. He stared at me with solemn eyes. "Come," Koun called, "You know you should be with us."_

"_Rana," father said, "Be at peace with us…you won't have to struggle anymore." _

_Ryda just watched me with serious eyes._

_I took a step towards them. _

"_No!" A man yelled furiously. I looked to my right, startled to see Master Keitaro standing on the deck of the ship. "You are Nira of the Society. Come with me," Keitaro urged, "It is your duty!" His dark eyes watched me frantically. _

"_You're kidding, right?" laughed the voice of Enlai from behind me. I whirled around to see Sifu Pakku with crossed arms. Beside him was Enlai with laughing eyes. Mist swirled around their feet as if it were a living entity. _

"_You're a waterbender," Pakku said sternly, "The Fire Nation, __**they**__," he said darkly, glaring in the direction of the two other groups, "will destroy you for what you are."_

"_Sayuri," Enlai said softly, "You belong with us."_

_To my right, Keitaro yelled at Enlai and Pakku, while father and Koun roared at both of the groups. Ryda watched silently. They yelled and screamed, each claiming that I belonged with them. My head began to pound and I put my hands to my ears to block them out. Somehow through the noise, __**his**__ voice whispered into my ear, "Nira…" _

_I opened my eyes to see his before me. He was as I remembered him, except for his injuries attained from when his ship exploded. His figure was like a star to me, shining through the mist. "Nira," he repeated. The fighting became a muted sound as they continued to bicker. I lowered my hands to my side. His face had a look of great hurt. "You have abandoned me."_

_I shook my head._

"_Am I that easy to forget?" he asked. "We are Fire Nation; would you betray your country and me?"_

"_Your Highness," I said with extreme difficulty. I took a step towards him with an extended hand. The desire to touch him, to know that he was here now was overwhelming. I believed him to be dead! The fog began to swallow him as I did. He began to disappear with the mist! "Your Highness!" I shouted. _

"_Nira…" his voice said pained, as if he were speaking right into my ear. I whirled around in search of him, but he was gone! The muted sound vanished as he had and the sounds of the groups squabbling filled the misty scene once again. _

"_I raised her, trained her!" Master Keitaro growled like a hungry platypus-bear. _

"_She is my daughter!" countered my father. _

_My eyes were drawn to Ryda as he gazed at me. "Who are you?" he mouthed as I read his lips. _

_Suddenly all was quiet. _

_Everyone watched me….waiting._

_Gold, blue, and dark eyes stared through me as if they could see everything. "Who are you?" they demanded in unison, their many voices creating one. They repeated it over and over like a chant. My hands returned to my ears as I sought to block them out. _

"_Fire Nation," they said, "How could you turn your back so easily?"_

_My head pounded. "I had too!"I yelled at last at the top of my lungs, "It was the only way!"_

"_Why?"_

"_I had to live," I howled, "For him…even for myself!"_

"_Who are you?" they accused, "WHO ARE YOU?"_

I awoke with a yell emitting from my lips….

"I don't know!"

I almost fell from my hammock as I sat up. I breathed in deeply as I looked around my dark surroundings to make sure I had not woken my fellow roommates. We had departed from the Northern Water Tribe a week ago and every night since then dreams such as this have haunted me. Even into my waking moments it seems sometimes. This was the first time that I dreamed of_ him_. Why not before I do not know, but why now?

Dreams whispered to me that I am a _traitor_. I turned my back on everything I had been raised to believe and even be. How could I have done such a thing? Is it because I am a weak coward who just desired to live?

Below me Asako's snore as she shifted in her hammock startled me from these thoughts. I was lucky to end up sharing a small room with the two other healers on board, Asako and Hayes. Asako, the one currently snoring, is a woman in her thirties. She is bright and chatty, but has a tendency to stay away from me when she can. I do not blame her and I prefer it to be that way to begin with. The other women, Hayese, has to be less than a decade older than me. She is quiet, letting Asako doing most of the talking, and she has an air of a demure beauty. She does not avoid me, but just seems unsure of how to act around me.

I have to say it goes the same way, besides the cultural differences and the fact that they know I am…was Fire Nation. I have spent most of my teenage years on a ship filled with men. I was raised by a man and had little to do with members of my own sex. I have no idea how to act around them!

There are perhaps about ten men on the ship, outside of Sifu Pakku and Enlai. Of course I am not counting the Avatar and his companions. The last week has been spent in careful dodging and avoidance of conversation with any of them. I do not know if it mortification or the fear of any confrontation with them now that I am not their enemy. I heard from Enlai that they will only be staying with us for a couple of more weeks till we pass by the Earth Kingdom; from there they will part ways with us. I am counting the hours till that moment!

Both of the healers are married and their husbands are on the ship as well. Asako's husband is probably one of the most beautiful men I have ever seen. His name is Kaimu and he surprisingly welcomed me happily on board the ship. He is a strong waterbender and one of Pakku's favorites. Hayase's husband, Harou, is one of the younger men on board the ship. Like her, he does not talk much, but his demeanor is cold as his birthplace. He has not spoken one word to me since I set foot onto the ship. The other men's names are Arashi, Tuyuki, Izo, Tsukiya, Yokei, Huyu, and Genji. Arashi and Tuyuki are Pakku's closest companions, outside of Kaimu. Arashi has the big, rough look that would scare most sensible people away. I found him to be a kind person, but he has not expressed much desire to speak to me. Tuyuki is smaller and with a rounder face. He chatters when he is nervous and likes to talk to me about my travels around the world.

Izo is like Harou, but an older version. He has shocked me by talking to me on a sociable manner though! Tsukiya is quiet and genteel. He mostly misses his wife and children I think. Yokei is boring beyond words. A waterbender, yes, but with a boring face with an even more boring personality. His usual habit is that of eating and sleeping. Huyu and Genji are brothers and closest to the age of Enlai. Huyu is quieter then Genji, but both are good friends with Enlai. Outside of Enlai, they are the only ones to truly try to befriend me. Much to my disgust of course. On my…that ship, the men had left me alone, out of fear or respect I do not know. If I am not hated or ignored here, I am being befriended. It does not feel right somehow.

The last week has been trying to say the least. The ship is too enclosed below deck, worsening my claustrophobia. To make matters worse, I have had to regain my sea legs! A portion of my time was spent the first couple of days puking over the side of the ship. The Avatar and his companions have not attempted to speak to me, much to my relief. I have maintained my distance from that bison creature. The flying lemur stole my lunch yesterday though! When I had attempted to chase it down, it flew to the bison and settled on its head. The thing chattered in its high-pitched jabber to the bison. I had glared and stalked away defeated.

Enlai was witness to this and had roared with mirth in consequence. He has been a constant companion this last week. He continues in his…_flirting_. I try to ignore it. Much to my horror, Genji and Huyu have joined it with him as if it is some ill idea of a game! Genji is younger than his brother Huyu and is more talkative in comparison. He has a lighter shade of skin and dark, brown hair that hangs shaggily around his face. His light, ethereal blue eyes are quick with wit and observation. He is brilliant and seems to know everything. Huyu is taller and more muscular then Genji, but they share the same eyes. His face is broader in a pleasant way and his hair is a darker brown then his brother's. It is styled to the length of his neck, but with small braids intertwined throughout. He likes to work with his hands and can always be seen carving something. He takes time to choose what he will say, but when he does it comes out in a beautiful, baritone voice.

* * *

Sifu Pakku has continued in his training with me. I have improved little and he is frustrated with my slowness. Today I stood on the deck, trying to move a small amount of water from a bucket into the air. The sun burned down on me, stinging the back of my neck. I had ditched the warm, outer layers of the Water Tribe clothing by now.

"Having difficulties?" Enlai asked teasingly behind me. Startled, I lost my concentration and the water, which had been in the air, showered upon me. I turned to glare at him.

He chuckled at my annoyed face. "You're adorable when you're angry."

I gritted my teeth. I had been so close to success on that movement! Enlai walked over to the rail and leaned against it with his back in a casual pose. A light wind tugged on his hair. "I could help you," he said suddenly. I looked at him to see only a sincere face. "You could use it," he went on with a sly grin.

He was right. I was a disaster when it came to practicing by myself. I needed to learn waterbending for I could not fight as I had before. My eyes drifted to my right hand at the thought. The skin was fully healed now, but I kept it covered with wrappings. I did not like to look at it. Enlai noticed my eyes move towards my hand. "You fought hand-to-hand before," he remarked quietly, "Since you weren't a firebender."

I paused and put my hand behind me. Enlai frowned slightly. "It bothers you, doesn't it?" Dark, blue eyes, usually filled with laughter, were entirely shadowed by seriousness. "I'm sorry about your hand."

This took me aback. He was apologizing? What for? Was it mockery?...No, he was being genuine. I did not understand this and in that, it left me startled, confused, and even angry. I shrugged.

Enlai's expression quickly lightened. "So, you going to accept my offer?"

I nodded sharply.

Enlai beamed at me, "I always wanted to work with a dangerous flower," he purred in jest, "Sayuri, the ferocious little lily!"

I did what I had learned to do the past week. I did not respond.

* * *

The next two weeks sped by quickly, each day melding into one and another. I spent my time training with Sifu Pakku and then Enlai. Huyu, Genji, and Enlai were my companions. Eventually, even Hayase lightened up to me. It was only several days ago…

_I was leaning against the railing and looking over the flat ocean. Today the sky was gray with an air of restlessness settling over the ship. Hayase came up quietly like a spirit and leaned on the railing beside me. "I haven't been on the open sea before," she said entranced. I turned to look into her kind, but nervous eyes, I realized that it was an invitation to speak for she had come to me. A chance for…what…friendship? Before, I would have run away from such a thing. But now, I knew, I did not have to anymore. This disturbed me in an unsettling way._

_I cleared my throat as I responded, "I spent several years on the sea and it still makes me sick."_

_Hayase smiled a little. "I know. I say you hanging over the side of the ship the first week."_

_To perhaps both of our astonishment, I chuckled. "Ironic, isn't it?" I asked, "That a waterbender should get seasick?"_

And that was the beginning of our fragile and careful friendship. Even Asako does not avoid me. She does not engage me in conversation, but she does not leave the room when I enter it now. Today is the day at last when the Avatar and companions departed. The careful avoidance of them I have maintained. Today that changed…

* * *

_I had unofficially declared one spot on the deck towards the back of the ship. I was practicing a set of basic waterbending exercises. It was still difficult to not slip into the drills and forms from my pervious training. I had found myself trying not to think at all the past two weeks. Instead I trained. I am not a powerful waterbender and to make it more delectable, I find it hard to learn. I know the source to be that of my previous training. _

_The day could be described as the perfect weather for the sea. A blue sky with few clouds and a strong enough wind for the sails. By now, I had learned to recognize the sound of everyone's footsteps. I was stunned to hear the Avatar's footsteps approaching from behind me. He barely made a sound for he was that light on his feet, an unusual thing, but expectable because he is an airbender after all. _

_I turned and gave the respectable gestures of greeting, all the awhile wondering why he had come to me. "Hello," he said cautiously with a precarious face. His grey eyes, so clear, watched me with caution._

"_Avatar," I said in return with a nod. _

"_We're leaving today," he stated simply. _

"_I was informed," was my short reply. A moment of awkward silence followed. The Avatar took in a long breath. He was nervous, that much was obvious, but why?_

"_I was wondering," he began quietly, "If you would want to come with us." _

_My jaw almost fell open. This I had not expected or would have been able to predict. How could he ask me such a thing? I…I was their enemy! The possibility flashed before me…home…the Fire Nation. Even of returning with the Avatar in chains, for __**him**__…_

_I shook my head. "No," I replied instantly, "I thank for you for the offer though." _

_The Avatar's look held a mixture of disappointment and relief. "Uh….your welcome then," he said and then gave a gesture of respect and farewell. _

_I returned the salutation. The Avatar turned to leave. "Wait," I said. He turned back and looked at me curiously. "Did…did your truly mean it?"_

_The Avatar smiled slowly on his young face. "Yeah, I did." My throat tightened and I nodded. He left me to my training without another word_.

That had only been several hours ago as I watch Sifu Pakku now bid them farewell. I am at my usual spot down the ship from them. He stood with Arashi and Tuyuki behind him. All of them were only in their inner robes and their Water Tribe necklaces. I had learned that such things were for marriage in the Northern Water Tribe. Sifu Pakku reached into a bag he held and pulled out a triangle-shaped amulet. "Katara," he said in a serious manner, "I want you to have this." The small object glittered in the sunlight, but I could not make out what it was. "This amulet contains water from the Spirit Oasis. The Water has unique properties. Don't lose it." I was almost stunned to see his face soften at his last words. I had not seen this man have a weak moment before.

Katara stood next to the Avatar and in front of the furry bison. "Thank you, Master Pakku," she said respectfully and then embraced him. She then walked towards the bison.

The Avatar stepped forward. Sifu Pakku pulled out an intricately-decorated brown box. "Aang, these scrolls will help your master waterbending, but remember they're no substitute for a real master." The Avatar turned his head towards Katara who was now on top of the bison in the massive saddle across the creature's back. He bowed and went towards her with a small smile.

Sokka, the idiot, walked towards Sifu Pakku with an expectant face. "Take care, son," Sifi Pakku said and patted him on the arm. Sokka's face became dejected and embarrassed at this. I almost laughed. Sifu Pakku approached the bison where everyone was now on top of it. "Fly straight to the Earth Kingdom base to the east of here. General Dong will provide you an escort to Omashu. There you'll be safe to begin your earthbending training with King Bumi."

The Avatar yelled, "Appa, yip yip!"

The bison flew into the sky with grace as Sifu Pakku waved goodbye. I heard Katara yell, "Say hi to Gran Gran for me!" She had family in the Southern Water Tribe? I was then surprised yet again to see her figure waving goodbye in my direction as she grew smaller into the sky. I raised my hand before I could stop myself.

"I saw that," a humored voice said. I whirled around to see Genji standing with his face staring up at the sky. "Wish I had the opportunity to fly on a sky bison," he said wistfully. His ethereal eyes were wide with fascination. "Or a dragon for that matter. Have you ever seen one?"

I shook my head. "The last one was killed by Lord Iroh," I explained, "If a firebender is to kill one, they are considered to be one of the greatest of firebenders."

"Pity," Genji said, "I hear they were quite intelligent, like the sky bisons. The last Avatar had one."

"Avatar Roku," I said stiffly.

"Fire Nation, like you," Genji mused, "When I met you, I thought you would be some bloodthirsty savage….I guess not all of you are that bad." He looked at me with studying eyes. "Are there any of you against the war?" My fingers that I had on my left hand curled into a fist behind me. He was only curious like a scholar, but his questions had a way of making me think thoughts I would rather not think of. "Rana?"

"Has war ever been a good thing?" I asked with cold eyes. "There is…pain and consequences on both sides."

Genji's eyes lost their scholarly look as they softened with…empathy? "You lost someone, didn't you?" He asked. When I did not reply, he said, "I lost my father to the war."

"My sympathies," I returned awkwardly, not knowing how to respond to such a thing. I found myself feeling _sorry_ for him for had I not had the same thing happen to me? Was…was I wanting to _apologize_ to him? Just like Enlai had today for absolutely no reason at all?

Genji stared at me. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought this up." He then walked away and down below deck. Leaving me staring out at the ocean. Alone and confused.

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading and reviews are loved!


	17. Feeling

Chapter Seventeen:

Feeling

* * *

"_The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed."_ –Albert Einstein

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

It has been a week since the Avatar's departure. We slowly inch out way southwards, hugging the Earth Kingdom coastline. I am told it will take a few more weeks till we reach the Southern Water Tribe. Yesterday we made port at a small Earth Kingdom town to resupply. Enlai, Genji, and Huyu were my "escorts…"

"Look here, Sayuri!" Enlai called energetically. He grabbed my forearm and pulled me towards a jewelry stand. "This would look pretty on you." He said with a gesture towards one exquisite piece. We were in the center of the town, down by the docks, where a bustling trade day was commencing. The small market was alive with people and noise. I shook my head and backed away from the stand. Such things I did not care fare. At the same time, I touched my chest, where underneath my garment my necklace was. Except for that, I corrected myself mentally. The temptation to use this chance to bolt was strong. I would have tried if I literally did not have those three stuck to my side the entire time.

"She doesn't want _jewelry_," Genji declared to Enlai, "She's more of the _learning_type." He turned to me with his light eyes challenged. "Come this way, Rana!" He pulled me in tow to a booth dedicated to scrolls. The only reading I had ever done was in relation to my training. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Enlai scowl as I reached for one of the scrolls. Behind him, Huyu stood a short distance away, unaware of the world as he carved away at something in his hand. People bustled around us in the dusty street. The sky above was blue with a warm air. The smell of people, food, and the sea all mixed together. I read the title of the scroll I had picked up, The Crimes of the Fire Nation. I opened it and skimmed the inside. It was with a white face that I set the scroll back down where I had found it. I looked up to see Genji absorbed in another scroll and Enlai frowning at me.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

I shrugged. He reached for the scroll I had been looking at. A scowl formed on his face as he turned to Genji and smacked him the shoulder. "Great choice, you idiot!" he growled. The two started to commence into an argument as I started to slip away unnoticed. I had turned around the corner and was disappearing into the crowd.

Until a large, masculine hand grabbed my shoulder from behind. I whirled around and reached to hit a critical point with my good hand. I did not realize who it was in time, but their other strong hand enveloped mind before I could hit them. Huyu's sober face looked down at me with cold eyes. "You were trying to run," he accused in his low, deep voice. His hand had not left my shoulder.

"I was lost," I told him stoically. He looked at me with disbelief.

"You know I don't believe you."

I shrugged.

Huyu grimaced. "Vacation's over. I'm taking you back to the ship." There was no point in resisting. Where else did I have to go? My time would come eventually. Besides, my decision to run was only half-made to begin with.

Huyu then escorted me back to the ship with a firm grip I could not even break. "Enlai and Genji will be disappointed," he said at last, breaking the disapproving silence he had been giving me. We were walking on the ramp way back onto the ship. "They had both been excited to take you to the port."

I did not say anything.

Huyu stopped when set foot onto the ship and released my arm. "I don't talk much, but you speak even less then I do." He paused as it to think carefully as to what he should say. "You should try to talk more." Huyu then pulled out a shapeless piece of wood and his knife made from bone. He walked away down the deck to his own favorite spot while quietly humming. Huyu was hard for me to get sometimes. He would always take me aback when he spoke.

He was kind enough to not relate the incident to everyone else on board. When an enraged Enlai and Genji, as combined forces now, confronted him, he'd merely said he had taken me for a walk while the two fought. He had then asked how long it had taken for them to stop bickering and notice my absence. Their silence at that made him the winner for this round.

The three of them were always at it like this with their new form of…entertainment. I suppose such a thing only happened because I am the only female on board who is not married. Somehow they were some of the only few to look past my…heritage. Enlai even whispered to me one morning that he "loved exotic flowers like me."

* * *

We were out on the open ocean again by nightfall of that day. Mostly everyone was asleep at this late hour, but I had not found myself to be tired. The best way to avoid my…dreams was to work myself senseless before I would sleep. Thus I would be too tired to dream. Or at least I hoped for that. It did not always work. The night was warm and the stars were out in their full glory. Several lanterns were lighted on the deck, casting a flickering golden glow across the deck. The sails flapped above me from the wind while I practiced my waterbending forms. "You're always out here," Enlai said as he came out from the hatch that led below deck. He walked onto the level I was at towards the back of the ship. My unofficial, official spot. I stopped my practice and nodded towards him.

"What really happened at the docks today?" he asked quietly. I looked at his face that was half in the shadows. I was distracted briefly by his eyes that pulled me in.

I shrugged.

Enlai let out a sigh. "You talk less than even when I first met you, Sayuri." His beautiful eyes were shadowed. He seemed unreal in that moment, unlike the laughing Enlai I had become somewhat used too. "Do you hate us that much?"

I shook my head.

"Sayuri...lilies are beautiful, but they don't speak. Don't become entirely like your name."

"Are you saying that I am _beautiful?_" I asked in hushed shock. He had flirted with me all the time, yet now he seemed so…sincere. What was this?

"Maybe, little lily," he replied with a wink. "I got you to talk though!"

I shook my head to clear it. "Do not get used to it," I quipped back.

Enlai looked at me stunned for a second as he realized I had responded to his teasing for the first time. "Don't count on it," he purred in recovery, "I have my charming ways."

I might have rolled my eyes, but I did not.

* * *

I awoke the next morning to Asako's snore as always. How such a small women could make such a loud noise was beyond me. I slipped out of my hammock that was above her's carefully. I proceeded to make myself ready for the day and was on the deck in my spot by the time the sun was just rising over the line of the sea. The day was cloudy with a touch of an unforgiving wind. I practiced and drilled. "For one who practices so much, you have little to show for it," Master Pakku's sarcastic voice called.

I stopped and bowed in his direction. His face was held as if he smelled something foul he did not like. "Your movement is too rigid! You will never become a waterbender if you continue to move like that."

I nodded in assent.

Master Pakku's eyes narrowed at me. "I like you for that. You don't like to talk." He folded his bony arms. "Keep practicing. I am going to go have breakfast," he ordered briskly, "Go help yourself to something to eat when the sky is above the ocean."

I nodded and continued my practicing. Every day it was like this, the same retinue over and over. I might drive some people, most people, insane, but my life had always been that way. I was used to such things. A short while later Enlai arrived as he always did. His long hair was askew from his sleep and it made my lips quiver with the attempt to not laugh when I saw him. He yawned as he walked over to me while stretching out his arms. "Good morning, Sayuri."

I nodded.

"I see our talk last night changed little," he said and then flashed a becoming smile, "I know you dreamed of me last night. Don't be startled, all the girls do."

At this for the first time I visibly rolled my eyes. Enlai smile's widened. "So, let's get started then." He practiced with me and coached in a kinder way then I had ever had from any instructor. When he taught me, he lost his usual joking manner, and resumed one of a professional manner. He was capable of being serious, though it was usually quiet and mundane in his usual persona.

* * *

The rest of the day went about in its usual manner. Every night, Hayase and Asako prepared dinner and I had been assigned with that labor as well. They had both quickly learned that I was of little use in this field. I had learned to do some basic cooking in situations for survival, such as that I could tell what most fauna is the Fire Nation was edible or poisonous. I ended up doing things such as chopping some particular vegetable or washing things. Asako chattered way to Hayase who answered at all the appropriate moments. Water Tribe food was different from Fire Nation to say the least. Some of their foods still made my stomach queasy. The kitchen below deck was small and cramped. I hated being in there for with the smell of food cooking I felt that I could not breathe. I ran myself through a breathing exercise while I chopped away at some vegetable. "Rana, are you okay?" Hayase asked me with concerned eyes. I paused and nodded towards her. Asako looked at me for a moment before she continued with stirring whatever dish she was working on.

"I've noticed you behaving oddly when you're in here," Hayase continued. I forced a smile at her gentle face.

"Leave her be," Asako scolded her, making both of us turn to look at her. "She doesn't you need mothering her, Hayase."

Hayase held an expression of hurt. "I didn't mean it like that, Hayase," Asako quickly amended, "She's just the type who likes to be left alone."

For the first time since meeting Asako, I appreciated her forthright and blunt manner of doing things. Hayase gave me an apologetic smile as she returned to her own task.

That night I dreamed something that left me startled for the next few days…

_I was standing in the grand chamber at the Northern Water Tribe where I had met the council. Instead of any of them, others sat before me: Master Keitaro with troubled eyes in the middle of the first row. Beside him sat Master Pakku with a disgusted look and to the other side of Master Keitaro sat Koun with a youthful smile. Behind all of them in the second row sat Enlai, Genji, and Huyu all watching me with anticipating eyes. _

_Keitaro spoke first. "Rana of the Water Tribe or Nira of the Fire Nation, you have been brought before this council." _

"_To judge what you have done," Koun announced in his innocently sounding voice. _

"_And what you will do," Master Pakku said cynically. _

_I stood my ground. "This is nothing but a dream."_

"_Ah, yes, it is," Master Pakku said with a malicious smile, "But we are your thoughts, in essence we are you."_

"_How could you have it?" Master Keitaro demanded with furious eyes. "How could you become a traitor?"_

"_Does your family mean that little to you?" Koun asked with sad eyes, "Now you will never get to see them."_

_Behind him, Enlai, Genji, and Huyu whispered amongst themselves. "We want to know where you want to be," Enlai called out. His dark, blue eyes did not leave my face. "And who you want to be." _

_I shook my head._

"_I raised you to be strong and to follow your duty," Master Keitaro said in a low voice, "You know what to do." _

_Koun smiled at me. "Don't you want to see your family again?" _

_Pakku sniffed the air in irritation. "You're a waterbender, that's all I have to say. You know what to do." _

"_Don't you want to see me again?"_ _**his**__ voice whispered into the air. I turned behind me to see him standing there in the middle of the hall. He was…he was…_

"_You are dead," I replied in a strained voice._

"_Do you really believe that?"_

"_No…."_

"_Then you know what to do."_

"_I….I can't…."_

_His shoulders stiffened in anger. "Why not?" _

"_Because….because for the first time in my life….I am almost happy," I confessed with the realization impacting me like a comet. For the first time, I had found a sort of peace here amongst these people of the Water Tribe. The truth of it stung me still though. _

_His golden eyes became a fury of fire. "Then you are a traitor," he spat. _

"_Your Highness, I…."I began to plea_.

Then as always I woke up at the worst of moments with words coming from my lips. After that, I silently fled my shared room to the top deck. I stared out at the dark waves with pursed lips. The sky above was covered by clouds so there were no stars or moon. Only a couple of lanterns were lit, leaving me mostly in the dark. I shifted my weight from the railing to see a dark figure approaching me. The sounds of the footsteps revealed it to be Enlai. He came beside me and leaned on the railing with folded arms. The wind tugged at his hair. "Couldn't sleep?" he inquired with a fatigued voice.

I nodded.

"Bad dreams, I take it?" His dark eyes were silent. "Me too. Guess you didn't dream of me tonight, eh?"

He was _haunted_ by ill dreams? He seemed so…happy. What could he have possibly been dreaming about? He must have seen the question in my eyes. "I was dreaming about my brother," he began heavily, "He was my cousin really, but he had been raised with us."

He paused and I could see that his hands gripping the railing were white at the knuckles. "He was older than me and I worshipped him. He was a strong waterbender." Enlai closed his eyes when he continued. "I begged him to take me fishing. I was only a small child at the time and eventually he agreed to do it. We were out there in the sea when a Fire Nation ship on patrol showed up. Arata…he protected me…"

I surprised myself by putting a hand on Enlai stiffened shoulder. He opened his eyes with surprise and looked at me. His dark, blue eyes were strained with old grief. "He died and I was found hours later by one of our one of our ships out on patrol for the Fire Nation. A small child hidden in the wreckage. Arata hid me there…."

"I dream about him sometimes," Enlai then said, "like I did tonight."

I then did something that astounded the two of is. "I am sorry," I said sympathetically and I meant it. Truly meant it.

Enlai looked at me with his dark eyes. "Have you ever lost someone?"

I nodded and then said in a troubled voice, though I did not intend to. "My family."

"Everyone?" he asked in shock.

I looked away. In essence I had, I had been taken from them and lost them in that. I would never see any of them again. Not now with the decision I had made.

"I have an idea," Enlai stated. "How about we exchange stories? About anything, our families, our pasts…"

"Why would you want to do that?" I asked in genuine curiosity.

"To get to know you better of course," He replied and then he was back to the Enlai I knew, "I am in the midst of an epic duel for your affection, you know!"

I shook my head.

"Why not?"

"There are some things…that I cannot speak of."

"Well, then we won't speak about those things then," he said kindly. "Would it be too hard for you to do this?...You're so distant, Sayuri. It can be disturbing."

I shrugged.

"I'll take that for a yes then," he said with a dashing grin, "Did you notice that you've spoken more to me the in the last few minutes then you have all week?"

I shrugged again.

Enlai eyes twinkled. "Hmmm…I think I'll tell you about my family, a preview if you will…"

The night was passed away in conversation. When I opened my eyes that morning, the sun was on the deck and an amused Master Pakku towered over me. "Have a nice time?" he asked in a sly voice. I lifted my head to realize it was on Enlai's shoulder who slept peacefully next to me. We had fallen asleep with our backs to the railing while we had been sitting on the deck. My cheeks burned as I stood up and bowed to Master Pakku.

"Let's get training then," he said without another word on the subject. So we did.

* * *

A/N:Hope everyone likes the newest chapter. Reviews are loved and greatly appreciated.


	18. Tribulation

Chapter Eighteen:

Tribulation

* * *

"_You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough."_ –Frank Crane

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

It has only been a week at least since Enlai's "proposal." I had not expected anything to come out of it, but I find myself doing on what I had not planned…_talking_. And I do not mean as in the polite or must do sort of conversations or responses I usually do. Somehow in the next few days after Enlai had proposed it, his sharing of childhood stories…that of family and friendship…it…it made me want to share such things with his as well. Memories of my own family and of Lord Iroh, the first person to be a…_friend_. I realize that now, that even I, so like…well, I was not fully considerate of Lord Iroh. I regret that now. What became of him? I have no way to find out, not here on this ship or in the Southern Water Tribe where we are headed.

The nightmares have begun to disappear. I wonder if it is because my head is now filled with strange thoughts. Is this deal with Enlai the source? I have shared as little with him as possible, concerning the Society or…

They have only been innocent stories. Nothing more. What harm could come from it? I had begun to feel myself again, but now I am more confused than ever…I do not understand what is happening to be truthful. I have begun to understand my own awkwardness around people in general, especially with the people of the Water Tribe. There is a peculiar and poignant feeling within me that things will not ever make sense again. I do know that there is no going back. That in itself is perhaps what disturbs me the most out of all of it.

On the note of people's treatment towards me, little has changed. The older men tend to keep their distance, outside of Master Pakku. The only ones to truly befriend me would be Genji, Huyu, and Hayase. Enlai, more so then the others, has done every attempt to flirt and befriend me. I find that his companionship passes the dull hours on sea and that…

I cannot not make friends amongst these people. Or I should not. Yet somehow it has happened without me even noticing it till it had already happened. As always, I am weak.

_I am a traitor_.

Do I have to make it worse by truly becoming part of this new life? To truly partake in it without any other thought? To…I do not know what is happening. I cannot foresee where my actions as this will lead. Eventually, after I have learned all I can in my waterbending I will leave. That much I know. I do not think about when and where to for I have no idea. I am…_alone._

* * *

Such thoughts, such dangerous confusion, followed me the next several days that I began to distance myself once again. The only person I had to distance myself from though was Enlai, for it was him that I had begun to talk to as if he were a…_friend_. Yesterday morning, a red sun had begun to rise over the purple ocean. It looked like an orange disk that set the sky on fire with hues of red and pink. It was under that rising sun that I practiced my forms in the early morning. I detest being interrupted while I drill, but as always people find the perfect timing to try to speak with me…

"Rana?"

I halted in my movement and turned to see Genji hovering near me. The fiery sun was behind him and his shadow fell upon me. I squinted as I looked at his ethereal blue eyes. They were anxious. Sweat fell down my brow. The weather was becoming warmer as we went farther south. Soon….soon it would become colder and…we would pass by the Fire Nation eventually. I wiped away the sweat on my face with my sleeve and then nodded at Genji. He ran a hand through his light, shaggy brown hair. Another gesture suggesting nervousness…._what?..._

"May I speak with you?" he asked politely. I nodded in response. Genji was one I had found who was more difficult to read for he hid behind his scholarly look. He was always curious I had found, but was much more based in manners then Enlai. Concerning formality at least. His brother Huyu just did not speak much at all for me to find out if they shared this. I followed him over to the railing as he watched the furious sun rise. "I have noticed you spending a lot of time with Enlai," he commented at last, "Why is that?" His light eyes looked at me with a harsh demand to know.

I was startled by his question and merely shrugged in response.

"I would only hold _intelligent_ conversations with you, but you would rather only converse with Enlai?" Genji continued. Again I was surprised and frustrated by that for I seemed to be that way too much of late. I do not like being surprised. "He is my friend, but he only desires to…flirt with you."

"Why should it matter to you?"

Genji pulled himself up at my first words in this conversation. Then I saw it, right there in his face…_jealousy…_ but of what? "I have come to see myself as your friend these past weeks even if you have not. Friends are _supposed_ to care." He paused and then looked back towards the sun. His hands idly stroked the smooth wood on the railing. "I care, even if you do not."

Something in my chest felt hollow that I could not identify. I felt a twinge of something bleak and terrible in my mind and knew it to be _guilt...?_ I shook myself out of sifting through thoughts and feelings. _I am like the stone…the unmovable mountain…_

Genji had not looked away from me. He ran his hand through his hair again. "I take notice of things," he noted dryly, "My curiosity is to blame I suppose." His azure eyes were so clear I thought I could see my own reflection in them. The people I have met from the Water Tribe always seem to express so much in their blue eyes. I wonder if that is why I have always difficulty masking my own. In that moment, Genji's eyes were filled with that scholarly look but along with something else I could not identify. "You do not talk much, but I can tell that…you are confused. And in pain."

I could not help myself as I was filled with a seething rage as the sun before me. _Who was he to say these things?_ That hollow feeling in my chest echoed somehow and there was a miniscule feeling that he was _right. _Naturally that was quickly shoved aside. I took a step back from him. "You do not know me," I replied in a low tone, "This conversation is over." I turned my back to him to emphasize my meaning. But I did not consider the other meaning that could be taken from it. You do not turn your back on the enemy. Never. By doing so, implied that he was _not_ my enemy. Or that I was not afraid of him. Both of which were true. Luckily he took it as I meant it. Only as a way to shun and ignore him.

"Rana," he called. I walked away only then to run into Master Pakku down the deck. Master Pakku's cynical eyes were on the mark as always. He could tell I was in a foul mood. "Rana," he drawled, "Come and join me for a training match." I nodded and followed. I did not look back at Genji.

* * *

He does these things on purpose, I swear it. Who was I to know that they were planning on doing sparring matches? Before I knew it I found myself before Yokei. He is the one with a boring face who only seems to crave food and sleep. I almost twitched with amusement for he reminded me of that moron Sokka. Apparently he is of little skill which I considered a bonus for me. As Master Pakku put it after the rules had been explained to me, "You're waterbending can't be much worse than his."

I had decided to take it as a compliment. Somehow all of the men found this spar of interest and I found myself surrounded by all of them. I spotted Hayase and Asako in the background watching with interest. Yokei was only a few feet from me.

I waited.

He moved his pudgy hands in a set that I recognized. Before I knew it, my feet were swept underneath me as tendril of water grasped my legs. I jumped back onto my feet to see a cocky smile on Yokei's flat face. I let out a long breath as I remembered to _waterbend_. My first thought had been to slip into my old training. Using something that I had learned only recently, I pulled water from the ocean and let it flow towards him like many arrows. Yokei was then stuck against the hard wood of the deck with eight different shards of ice pinning his clothes.

I feel to my knees and let a ragged breath. The spar had only lasted for seconds but I felt more drained then I had in a long time from it. They were only suppose to be simple movements, yet why were they so difficult for me? The rage that I had felt in me melted away as did the arrows of ice I had created. Yokei stood to his feet and nodded. The men around us were jeering and talking amongst themselves. I looked up to see Yokei's angry face. His blue eyes narrowed in his flabby face. "Not bad for a Fire Nation cripple," he sneered. "You look tired after one _simple _sparring match." Then he spat on the ground before me and huffed off.

I barely had the energy to blink, let alone feel anger or resentment. I started at my bandaged hand before me in revulsion..._cripple..._

A solid, brown hand appeared before my face. I looked back up to see Enlai's dark eyes and concerned face. He was not laughing but I could hear several of the men doing so. His hand was accepted and I leaned against him as he walked me down into the ship. I did not raise my head to look at anyone. I had won, but only after leaving myself exhausted from_ one_ move. A feeling that I had become used to filled me to the brim like the ocean…_shame…_

Enlai was solid and comforting as he took me to the quarters that I shared with Asako and Hayase. Usually no one touched me as he did now. He merely held me with one arm around my waist but I was too tired to care. A sound of astonishment exploded from my lips as I was swooped into his arms. I looked up to see his confident grin returned."What are you doing?" I gasped.

He chuckled. "Don't worry, Sayuri. You're too tired to do anything I would like to do." His dark eyes sparkled and I was tempted to punch him in the arm. Sadly, I could not. He set me down carefully into the hammock that was mine. _How did he know that?_ It felt comforting somehow as he pulled a blanket over me. I strained to keep my eyes open. "Go to sleep, little lily," he ordered.

"I won," I said quietly, speaking when I should not have. I blame my fatigue. "But I feel as if I lost…"

I was able to detect indecision on Enlai's face until put his hand for a mere moment on my head. He lifted his hand away while he spoke. "You were unevenly matched," he remarked, "You are only a raw beginner." A teasing smile spread on his dark face. "When you're time comes, even I will tremble before you, little lily! Your small figure is only a cover-up for the fierce Sayuri within!" I could not help myself as the corners of my mouth lifted upwards. Enlai saw it of course. His entrancing eyes that I could not read were shadowed like the ocean itself. They were the last thing I saw as I fell into the dark void.

* * *

_There was only water around me. It was in my mouth as I opened it to yell. Water leaked into my lungs, strangling me. I was drowning! Then everything was intensely hot as a bright light surrounded me. The water transformed into steam that disappeared into the air. Everything around me was dark…a silent void…_

_The yell came from my lips that had been held off by the water. Suddenly the darkness was gone as fire surrounded me. The heat was too hot. I could feel my skin singe and knew the heat would kill me. Then I saw __**him**_**. **_He walked in the fire towards me with a hand extended. I reached forward to grab his hand. _

_The fire was too intense and I snatched my hand away from it. His mouth moved but I could not hear his words. I could only see the demand in his flaxen eyes. Again I reached towards him. I would not fail him this time. Yet the pain was as if a thousand knives stabbed me over and over with hatred and heat. His hand only seemed a short distance away, only a fingertip away, but I could not reach it… _

…_I could not…_

_His golden eyes were echoing my own horror. His lips opened to give a scream of pure agony this time I could hear. It was like before when he had been burned and I could not save him…_

_The fire swallowed him like a hungry beast before my eyes. Then the cruel water returned as it had before. Over and over this nightmare was played out. _

…_Over and Over…_

_And I knew I deserved it.

* * *

_A/N: Sorry for the shortness of this chapter. It was more of a filler one to be honest. Anyways, thanks for reading and please review.

* * *


	19. Conflict

Chapter Nineteen:

Conflict

* * *

"_The torment of human frustration, whatever its immediate cause, is the knowledge that the self is in prison, its vital force and "mangled mind" leaking away in lonely, wasteful self-conflict." _–Elizabeth Drew

Diclaimer: I do own Avatar.

* * *

The next morning after the sparring match I awoke with the wish that I could still sleep. I did not wish to face the mockery of any of the men on board this ship. There was also the feeling that Master Pakku would be _disappointed_ in me. That feeling was instantly put aside. He had never expressed any like for me and just treated me as a disaster of a student. Which was true to begin with.

I was ashamed of my victory, a contrary thing, but it shown everyone what a poor excuse of a waterbender I am. I have to learn to my greatest potential, but I fear that may not be very much. How else will I be able to fight? I swung my legs down from the hammock and was comforted somehow by the familiar sound of Asako's snores. When I had dressed myself I was surprised to see Hayase's open eyes watching me from where she lay in her own hammock. I raised an eyebrow in question.

"You okay?" she asked in her quiet manner.

I shrugged.

She lifted her head from her pillow and I could see the genteel and genuine concern on her face. _She cared?_It was unfamiliar to me that people would care about my own state of being. The only one who had ever expressed any concern was…well, Lord Iroh. "I'm not stupid," she said, "You can at least be honest with me. Don't you consider yourself as my friend?"

When I did not answer her I could see the pain on her face. "I feel sorry for you," she asserted, "It must be very lonely to not want friends." She laid her head back down on her pillow. "Rana, you have friends here, even if you don't realize it."

_Or maybe I did, but did not want to see it…_ I hurried out of the room when that thought came to me. What were these people doing to me? When I arrived at the top deck, I was discomforted to find that the sun was already above the ocean. I had slept through the sunrise for the first time I could remember. "Rana, I need to speak to you."

I turned and bowed at Master Pakku at the sound of his voice. His white eyebrows were frowned to create one singular line on his face. He pulled me aside to a corner of the ship where less people tended to wander. There were always the men scattered about on the deck of the ship busying themselves with some sort of tasks. "Tell me," he uttered in his sarcastic way, "As to why you collapsed like a newborn after the sparring match?"

I lowered my head.

"Answer the question."

"There is something wrong with me," I intoned with a mixture of shame and revulsion, "With my other training, I was not this way. But with waterbending…" I did not usually speak when with Master Pakku. He always did the talking.

Master Pakku let out a sound of frustration. "It's because you're unbalanced." I lifted my head to see his face not in a sarcastic or critical manner. He…he looked like he _cared_. "Bending is based on one's emotions and sense of self. You lack that. You are jumping from one emotion to the next…unaware of _who_ you are."

I was disconcerted as he spoke. Why did everyone say such things to me? Why could I not just be left alone? Suddenly I was filled with a pain inside the hollowness that always existed inside my chest. Before…before things had been easer then they are now. Things had been simple in their own way. But now…

"_You betrayed him," the whisperer in my mind cackled, "He was your charge and you…"_I took a step back from Master Pakku. His eyebrows shot up in annoyance. "You should heed my words," he warned. I bowed and did something I do not do...

I fled.

* * *

The rest of that day I avoided everyone, including Enlai. My cheeks burned at the thought of what had happened the night before. _He had held my in his arms with such care_.The last person to do so had been my mother that last night before I had been taken. It was when I was thinking these thoughts, hidden in the small room that I shared, that he entered through the door without even knocking. I was sitting on Asako's hammock for it was below mine. I stayed where he was while he towered over me.

His long hair floated in front of his face and he shoved it aside with an impatient hand. Dark, blue eyes were riddled with emotions that I could read. The only one I could see was concern. _Why do they have to care?_"Sayuri, why are you holed up down here?" he demanded with a harshness I did not recognize him to have, "Are you ashamed because of yesterday?"

I did not answer him. He knelt down till he was on my eye-level. He did not touch me though. "Don't worry about the others," he urged, "Those of us who know you are...concerned."

I turned my head away from his intense eyes. "Go away, Enlai." I said impatiently. I did not look back at him.

"If that is what you wish," he murmured. Was there…_hurt…_in his voice? I did not think about it. When he walked away and I heard the door close behind him, the hollow in my chest felt more empty and vast then before.

* * *

Days passed and I kept remaining in the same state. Enlai tried several more times to speak to me, but each time I shoved him aside. Hayase watched in quiet concern but said little. Genji…he did not come near me and I did not care to find out why. I continued my training and found little improvement. Master Pakku said nothing on the matter, but I could see the _disappointment_ and frustration in him. Today…today we passed by the _Fire Nation_.

All I could think of was…_him_…

Several times I thought of my family, Keitaro, Lord Iroh, and the Society itself, but it was _him _that occupied my thoughts foremost. I had tried to avoid any thoughts that would lead to him but now it filled every cavity of my being. The wish that he was alive…the desire to know… Guilt. Shame. Everything blended and melded together. I was haunted by memories and the nightmares of him that had followed me since the north. It was an exquisite pain I knew I deserved. Yet at the same a foreseen desire me entered to be_ free_ of it. I do not know where it came from.

That evening when the sun was reaching the end of its journey in the western part of the sky I stood at my usual spot. My eyes looked to thee west, towards where the Fire Nation was. The ocean seemed so flat and endless to me then. An endless, uncaring void. I was perplexed to hear the sound of Huyu's footsteps approaching me. Outside of that incident at the docks, he had not spoken to me much then. He would be around me at times, but still he did not speak much. As always, he held some sort of carving in his hands. "We're only a few days from the South Pole," he reported in his deep voice. I looked at his ethereal blue eyes, the same as Genji's, but could not read them. "We passed by the Fire Nation today." I did not say anything, but just looked away from his searching gaze.

"Enlai hasn't been himself lately," Huyu mentioned. "Nor has Genji."

I bit the inside of my cheek. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Huyu put away the carving away into his bag that he always had slung over his shoulder. He then pulled out something else. "Here, take this."

I did not make a move to do so, but suddenly found Huyu taking my good hand and enclosing my fingers around the small object. I looked at his face and saw only an amiable smile, however small. Then he walked away without another word. I opened my hand and could not help but admire the object in amazement. It was intricate with detail and no bigger than my palm. A perfect miniature carving of a lily. I looked around me to make sure no one was watching and then slid it into an inner pocket.

* * *

That night I undid the wrappings that covered my right hand for the first time in weeks. I stared at the disfigured digits. Sometimes it still felt as if my fingers were still there, the parts that were missing. I wondered what _he_ would think of me now. My throat felt tight at the thought. I put the wrappings back on my hand and tried not to think about it anymore.

It was when I closed my eyes that night that I dreamed something similar to what I had once before, though it would not ever have happened and this time it was...different....

_I was standing on the deck of his ship and I could not help but think that here and on the Water Tribe ship I had found a spot on the deck I had made my own. There was no sun for it was night. The stars shined in their dance above and a full moon glowed with a silver caress upon the deck. The ocean was dark and its hands slapped the side of a ship with a lulling lullaby. _

_As I had dreamed before he approached me with proud strides. He seemed so real in this dream and in this one he did not hate me for what I had done. This was no nightmare. "Nira," he called with an extended arm. I could not help myself as I took his hand. His golden eyes looked at me in a way that made my heart, which I was surprised to feel, leap into my throat. This…this…was only a dream, I told myself. Yet…_

"_Sayuri?"_

_I turned to look at Enlai, who stood watching me with disbelief. I was stunned to see him here in this dream to say the least. These two did not belong in the same dream, not this one… __Enlai's dark eyes were shining with strong emotions like the stars above. He held out his own hand. "Sayuri," he beckoned. I felt myself letting go of the hand I held. I took a step towards Enlai and took his own comforting one. His hand felt…right…. _

"_Nira!" _

_I turned to look back. His flaxen eyes were enticed with the bitter hatred that had haunted me in my nightmares. "You're a traitor," he spat. __The hollow in my chest twisted and twisted. I looked back and forth between him and Enlai._

_Enlai squeezed my hand and smiled at me. "Little lily," he said warmly, "I will always be here for you…no matter what." _

_Then I found myself smiling._

When I awoke from that dream in the early morning, that smile remained my lips.

* * *

A/N: Sorry for another short chapter. I promise to make the next one much longer! For they are finally going to reach their destination... Thanks for reading and please review!


	20. The Southern Water Tribe

Chapter Twenty:

The Southern Water Tribe

* * *

"_There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn't the end of the world, it's the beginning of a new life." _-Joseph Campbell

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

Today was the day we finally landed at the South Pole. But before I go into that and all that followed I have one thing to write about. After the dream that I had which was only several days ago, I went to Enlai myself. I had realized that perhaps, just maybe, that it would be _alright_ to accept friendship. I did not have to be who I was before. I have a chance to do what I _want_ to do. Part of me struggles against this and another rejoices that maybe I will have chance to be what I might have been if things had been different…_just maybe_…

This came to me at last when I mulled over all the things that had been said to me by those who consider themselves to be _my friends_. I even thought of Master Pakku's words. When I decided on this, the expansion in my chest seemed a little less empty….

I found him sitting quietly in a room that he shared with Huyu, Genji, and Harou, Hayase's husband. Harou does not like me and I have found him to be as frigid as his element. Enlai looked up at me in startled confusion. Somehow the sight of him, which I had avoided for days, made my mood brighter. His company and our conversations I had come to miss, I must confess. "Have you come to enjoy my company at last?" he asked in his bedeviled manner, quickly hiding any other emotions he might have shown. "All the ladies return to me eventually." He sat in a hammock that looked exactly like my own. The room was identical to the one I shared, except for a masculine touch about it. Hayase and Asako had added "decorations" to our own.

I settled myself down on a hammock across from him. "I…" Something lodged itself in my throat and I found myself unable to speak. The cavity in my chest ached. A familiar tingling went down my spine that I recognized. _Fear._

Enlai looked at me expectantly.

"I came to apologize."

I stared at him, positive that the anxiety was all over my face. A slow, but beautiful smile eventually stretched on his dark face. "I didn't think you'd do that," he mused considerately, "Don't stress yourself over me, Sayuri. Not that I mind that you do." His eyes twinkled with good humor. "There is no need to apologize."

I bowed my head. I did not understand myself or what this meant, but some part of me recognized the fact that it did. After that, things between him and me went back to how they had been. I spoke to Hayase last night before we went to sleep and earned a smile from her that let me know there were no hard feelings. Huyu is…Huyu. Yesterday I thought to talk to Genji, but when I walked past him any courage I had fled as quickly as it had existed. The scowl on his intelligent face kept me away. A part of me was glad though, for I cannot become weak by apologizing to everyone over mundane things. Moving on to the present, for today we came to our destination, well, everyone else's destination really. I had not planned on coming here.

The Southern Water Tribe.

* * *

We landed outside of a village on a rugged coastline of ice. By now everyone was wearing the warm clothes for this weather. I felt like a stuffed turtle duck. A small group of people dressed in more varied shades of blue awaited us on the shore. The sky above was a soft blue and I shivered as I looked at icy landscape. I _hated_ the cold. I came from a warm environment and was not mean to live in such weather! Beside me, I looked at Enlai who waited for us to finish docking with excitement on his face. I saw the small village and knew it to be the same one that…

The same on that _he_ came to when I was with him. Before I could stop myself the memories played in my eyes and ears…

_The celestial lights...The zealous joy on his face as he thought to capture the Avatar. His hurt and pain in his golden eyes. His training on the deck…his insistence he would find the Avatar. Lord Iroh and his humor…._

_The Avatar and his escape…_

_But mostly, I thought of him_.

I winced visibly. I saw Enlai look at me with concern for a moment and I shook my head. He nodded. Everyone was waiting for the ramp to be lowered. Master Pakku was to take the lead. He looked more anxious and excited then I had ever seen him. The idea of why briefly floated in my mind. Finally, all of us walked down the ramp and I stepped onto the icy ground. I looked to the crowd before us, who stared at us with excitement and awe. Less than two dozen people stood before us, half of them women and the rest young children. One elderly woman with blinding white hair that was styled in a way that seemed somehow familiar stepped forward.

"It's been a long time, Pakku," she croaked. There was tenseness in her face. I heard Enlai make a sound of astonishment beside me.

I gave him a questioning gaze. "We haven't had contact with our sister tribe for years," he explained in a whisper, "It's impossible that she should know him!"

I thought to disagree for the women looked the oldest out of the whole group. Where were all the men? Was this the entire population of the Southern Water Tribe? _"…the Fire Nation had destroyed their culture. There were no waterbenders left!"An unfamiliar woman's voice cried in my head_. What in the name of Agni…? The thought was lost as I paid attention to Master Pakku as he approached the old woman. "Kanna," he greeted her with a nervous air. "You look well."

Kanna snorted. "What are you doing here?"

Pakku gave her a smile I would not have expected to see. "We came to help rebuild our sister tribe," he explained with a wave towards the rest of us.

"Well, it's about time!" She snapped with a kind smile.

After that, everyone from the two different tribes intermingled, curious to make conversation and to learn of what had passed. I found myself standing alone and unsure of what to do. Huyu and Enlai were off playing the children in moments. Hayase was talking to middle-aged women. And Genji…I could not go to him. "And this is Rana," I heard Master Pakku say. I turned to see him and Kanna approaching me.

Kanna's eyes narrowed as she looked at me. "You look familiar."

I bowed and had the same thought in my mind. "She is Katara and Sokka's grandmother," Master Pakku added with a sly grin. I looked at him in astonishment. No wonder I had recognized her. Katara looked very much like her and she shared the same hairstyle as well. I was also surprised by very change in Master Pakku's manner. He seemed...happier somehow. It had to do with the woman Kanna…

"Rana…I know that name," Kanna commented with a wrinkled brow, "But no…could it be?" I stared at her. Slowly her eyes widened with realization of something I did not know. "Pakku, she is not from the Northern Tribe, is she?"

"No," he replied, "She is from the Fire Nation." Several women who stood near us looked over at me with horror and revulsion. Great, thanks to Master Pakku any chance I had off of passing off here were now ruined.

"How did she come to be with you?" she asked in shock.

"It's a long story," I said at last, catching her eyes looking at me sharply. "How do you know I am not from the Water Tribe?"

Kanna tilted her head as she gave a simple reply. "I knew your grandmother."

…_What?..._

Then something came back to me right then that I did not even know I had forgotten. It explained the strange woman's voice I heard in my thoughts at times, like a strange dream. In the north when I had nearly died I had dreamed of my aunt who had been a waterbender. But that was no dream…had I truly died and seen her spirit? The possibility left me shaken. I recalled her vague references to her mother and how she had been captured from the _Southern Water Tribe_. "I never knew her," I responded, "Did…did you meet her daughter who had the same name?"

Kanna raised an eyebrow. "Yes, I did. Is she your mother?"

"No, she was my aunt."

"Was?"

"She died," I replied stiffly, "A long time ago." I could not tell anyone about how I knew of her. Who would believe such a tale?

Kanna's gaze drifted curiously to my right hand. I clenched it behind me and saw her raise an eyebrow. Pakku sniffled next to me. His white eyebrows were half-raised in mockery. "I have heard you speak more in the last two minutes then I have all together since I met you."

My cheeks felt suddenly warm and I bowed. "Excuse me, Master Pakku," I said formally, "I will leave you. I am sure you two have much to talk about." Then I fled aboard the ship, reeling from what I had just remembered and learned. Now I knew how I was a waterbender, thought a horrid one at that. The story of my aunt was a sad tale. It reminded me of other stories of my kin...

Reizo and his wife whose name, _Nira,_ was given to me by Keitaro when I had been takem into the Society.

Reizo's daughter Keiya and the fate of her charge....

Her tale...it was like my own...then my aunt's...

Was I destined to have a simliar fate to one of them? Would my life become like theirs? A shiver tingled down my spine at these thoughts. Such things were pointless to think about. Yet I could help but think that both names I had been given, Rana and Nira, were after women who had all died in sad or tragic way....

I remained hidden in my room till Hayase came looking for me to help unload the ship.

* * *

I learned that this tiny village had once been a great city like the one in the Northern Water Tribe. The city in the Northern Water Tribe is the only settlement in the north, but here there are tiny settlements scattered throughout the pole. Their culture and their very numbers have been dying a slow death by raid after raid throughout the last century. These days when I do think of where I am from part of me is...ashamed. I had not questioned the war much for I had been taught not to. But now…now I think of it more then I should.

It hurts to know that the place I am from and that much of my kin who served in this war were _wrong_ to do so. It took me a long time to know this, but I think a tiny part of me had always known this.

I also found out to why all the men in the village were gone. Apparently they had traveled to the Earth Kingdom several years ago to help fight in the war. Katara and the idiot Sokka's father is amongst those men. Turns out he is the chief of their village. His name is Hakoda and he is the son of Kanna.

One of the very first things the skilled benders in the group began was on the construction of more houses to hold our additional numbers and to add to their weak defenses. Until they are ready, we either sleep on the ship or in one of the few extra tents that were added. I found the reception from the Southern Water Tribe people to be varied. Most of the women left me alone, but then I made no approach to befriend them. The children…they are another story entirely.

Enlai and Huyu became instant favorites with them. Unfortunately, Enlai thought it would be amusing to pull me into one of their games. It was similar to what I had played as a child, but with tossing snow instead of mud. I still prefer the latter. At least mud is not cold. In the midst of this game, I found myself laughing openly while I threw a snowball at one of the children. (With much better aim then even Enlai and Huyu, I might add.) It is while I was doing this that I halted when I saw Enlai staring at me. Huyu was busy in the epic duel with three little children. Enlai smiled at me fondly to hide his surprise.

Then I realized, this was the first time I had laughed freely with him. It was the first time I had laughed in years….

I did not feel like participating anymore and left their game. When I was walking back towards the ship, I saw Genji standing a distance away. _Had he been watching me?_ Genji nodded at me and I returned the gesture. I took it as a good sign.

Two men have volunteered to find and visit the other settlements to bring them here. All help would be needed to rebuild and to save their culture, including their population. The two volunteers are Kaimu and Arashi. The two men are several of the closest ones to Master Pakku. Asako seems distraught for Kaimu is her husband. He is the one who is strong and beautiful bender. Kaimu has naught but kind to me in the few times I have spoken to him. Arashi is the one who is the giant among the men and would scare most people off. Though he is kind, he had always ignored me. They will be gone for weeks and most of the men, including the members of the Southern Water Tribe, seem sore to let them go. There is an air of excitement and dread at the same time.

The village I have not yet described. It is surrounded by a low, roughly circular snow wall, broken up by a snow watchtower to the north, and a non-gated entrance to the south. Inside are about eight tents, not including the new ones we have added. They are all arranged semi circularly around a communal fire pit. A giant igloo hugs the east wall, while a handful of smaller ones cluster at the north wall. Outside, to the right of the entrance, is a small igloo-structure that serves as the village outhouse. To say the least, going to the bathroom can be a freezing ordeal. I wonder if they will be able to make a city out of this place. Watching them using waterbending to create buildings is a rare sight to behold. Much quicker than in any other part of the world I am sure. Another thing of interest is the domesticated polar bear dog they have. I have never seen such a…fuzzy creature before. It has not approached me and I relieved. I do not know how to handle such animals and most of all, ones that would be called pets.

I have found my time filled with training and helping in any small way I can. The children of the village still try to pull me into their games and on occasion I give in to their demands. Enlai's friendship continues with me as does Huyu. Genji has not approached me nor have I to him. Hayase will always consider herself to be a friend to me I think, even if her and I do not spend as much time together as we did before on the ship. Much to some of the younger men's horror and even my own, Master Pakku has…has begun to _court_ Kanna.

It turns out that she originally hailed from the Northern Tribe but left because of her disagreement with their strict traditions about women's roles in their society. I have always found such things of interest for in the Fire Nation women are encouraged to do what they wish. For the most part. Back to Kanna, apparently she had been engaged to Master Pakku and now he is attempting to…_woo_ his lost love so to speak. Seeing him bat eyelashes is a combination of revulsion and amusement for those who know him. Earlier today things were at last returned to what I could consider to be…normal for me now. Genji at last spoke to me…

* * *

I was walking back from the ship towards the village, still outside the outer wall. I could hear the distant sound of men's voices as they worked and the shrieks of the children as they played. Even in such a cold land, this tiny corner of it felt alive, more so then it had we had first arrived. A cool wind blew across my face as I drew up my hood in spite of such blasted weather. Genji's figure approached me from the village in a slow pace and I halted as he did when he stood before me only feet away. His ethereal blue eyes were hidden in his scholarly gaze. "Do all Fire Nation react like to the cold like you do?" he asked in a calm voice.

I did not expect to ask such a thing and I found myself smiling, only barely of course. "I do not know," I answered, "But I am used to a warmer climate."

Genji's face light up at my response. "You look like a tiny polar bear from a distance with all the clothes you have on," he teased. I was partially surprised by his teasing. That was something Enlai usually did, though Genji had done it on occasion. It was not that which bothered me. It was the fact that he had ignored me for days and now acted as if nothing had happened.

"Are things alright between us now?" I asked seriously.

Genji's smile fell as swiftly as a falling star. "Do you understand what it is to have friends?" He rebutted. His eyes were narrowed.

"I…I think so."

Genji sighed impatiently. "I guess that's better than a no. Tell me, are all Fire Nation people untrusting or is that just you?"

I shook my head. "I am not a regular person."

"No," Genji said quietly. His light eyes were thoughtful, but guarded. "No, you certainly are not."

And that was that. Things are almost how they were. I do not know if that is a good or bad thing, or if it even matters. I will leave here eventually. I do not know when or how.

But in time, I will.

* * *

A/N: At last I have made it to number twenty! I want to thank those who have reviewed, for it has encouraged me to continue this story. Now I will reveal that I intend to end this at the number thirty. And the fact as to why I have written so much this week is called the start of a new term with little homework. Anyhow, Thanks for reading and as always, please review.


	21. New Life

Chapter Twenty-One:

New Life

* * *

"_Treat a man as he is, he will remain so. Treat a man the way he can be and ought to be, and he will become as he can be and should be."_ –Goethe

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

Weeks have passed by more instantaneously then I would have believed possible. Before, time would slowly crawl on by. Sometimes it would go by quickly enough, but nothing compares to this. I heard once that time goes by all the more quickly when one is…_happy_. I do not know for sure what it means to be _happy_. I cannot recall a time when I experienced such a thing, except…except for my childhood. Before the Society. The memories of those days are only vague recollections with a few clear moments. Yet I find myself experiencing a sort of tranquility here in the Southern Water Tribe of all places that I have not had in my whole life. A thought crawled into the crevices of my mind that perhaps I could _stay_ here. That I did not need to go. But…I do not belong here. I never will.

Master Pakku has been busy spending time with his new wife Kanna. He even made her a betrothal necklace, a custom of the Northern Tribe. From the rumors that fly in the village, which means what I heard from Hayase, he had desired a wedding celebration. Kanna turns out to be quite the sensible sort and had no such thing take place. Something about their age and her having been married before. They were married only a few days ago. In the last few weeks my waterbending has improved greatly and more swiftly then it did the whole way down here. I am no master and could not compete with half of the benders here naturally. But I did beat Yokei in a sparring match. Words cannot truly convey the satisfaction I had felt when that smug grin had been wiped of his flabby face. The only other person I did beat Izo. He reminds me of Harou, Hayase's husband. He had not been pleased at all with that and had challenged me to another match. Izo won.

Guess I am not as good as I had hoped. There will be another match between him and me. Neither of us are the kind of people who like to lose. Last week there was another spout of sparring matches going on and I had a surprise as I went out into the circle to duel. My challenger was Enlai…

_The men had been sparring outside of the village to keep any damage contained from the village. The day was bright, but with a light snow falling. I had walked out and stated my desire to have a match. Most of the men shrugged for they knew they could beat me in seconds, or in the case of Yokei, he knew he would lose. "I'll fight you," Enlai declared as he strode out into the designated area. He had a cheerful smile. "Don't worry, Sayuri. I won't hurt my most precious flower!" Several of the men guffawed at his words, but in an amiable way. Some, like Yokei, looked like they would vomit. But my attention was not on them. _

"_Maybe I'll beat you," I retorted with no smile, but it might have existed in my eyes, "Than what will you have to say?"_

_Enlai chuckled and his dark eyes looked at me carefully. "I'll say the chances are slim, but if you do...it'll make you even more of a ferocious little lily that I wish to pluck and make my own!" _

_Instead of combating with words, I took action. I still could not change one form of water to another with much ease, such as making water into ice or making snow into water. Such things are done with no thought by true waterbending masters. When I froze the snow around Enlai's feet, I was left breathing hard. _

_He had only smiled confidently and melted it. Then it was his turn. He sent a jet of water at me which I then blocked with a shield of snow. I sent the shield of snow plowing back at him while my hands trembled. Enlai did not block it in time and fell onto the snow. It happened in seconds but he managed to be back on his feet and using a water whip that I could not defend against in time. I was then on my back, silently cursing the freezing snow as it went down the back of my shirt. I hate the cold. Enlai was then standing over me with that same grin. He extended a hand towards me which I took. _

"_Looks like I won," Enlai gloated. I felt like kicking him in a certain spot. He was relishing in his victory to much. _

"_That was the best match yet for you!" Tuyuki called out. I looked at his small figure. He was good friends with Master Pakku. It was him and the other two men who had left to visit the other settlements that were Master Pakku's closest comrades. _

_I nodded in his direction. "Thank you," I replied. Several of the men nodded at me respectfully. I nodded back and left towards the village with a gloating Enlai_.

* * *

The two men who left to visit the other settlements, Arashi and Kaimu have not yet returned. Asako seems to be more ill-looking with every passing day. Yesterday I was with Hayase in the room that only we shared together now aboard the ship. Asako had a tent to herself that she would usually share with her husband Kaimu…

_Hayase sat on her hammock, busy with sewing some clothes. She had offered to teach me once but I had refused. What use did I have for such a skill? She had merely shaken her head when I had told her that. A lantern lighted the small room, creating shadows with a golden light. Hayase and I did not make much conversation, but enjoyed each other's company never the less. She was not one to talk much either. "Hayase," I said neutrally, "May I ask you something?" _

_She raised her head with curious eyes. "Of course," she responded in her shy manner. _

"_What is wrong with Asako? Is she ill?"_

"_Only from worry. She'll be okay." Hayase gave me a comforting smile. She tilted her head as she gazed at me. "You don't understand, do you?" _

_I did not say anything. _

_Hayase shook her head slowly. "She is only afraid for her husband." She then went back to her sewing leaving me with peculiar thoughts. How could a person waste away like that out of worry?...Because of **love**? I always knew it to be a dangerous thing, even though…_

_I closed my eyes._

_Some things I understood, but some things about it left me confused. Especially when it comes to the reason for people's actions. They do such stupid things because of it._

* * *

That night I talked with Enlai and for the first time I came so close to talking to him about _my family_. That is not something I have ever discussed with anyone. It is something that I should _not_talk about. We were sitting in the tent that he had to himself, the fire crackling merrily. I was content to be warm for once and eating a soup that did not taste too bad. My taste for Water Tribe cuisine had developed somewhat, thought the look of some dishes might send me the other way. Enlai sat across from me on the other side of the fire, eating his own soup as well. He was not a bad cook at all. The tent walls were a dark tan from the animal hides and the furs underneath me were soft. "I still cannot believe that you have five siblings," I stated appalled. In the Fire Nation families tended to be small in the number of children.

Enlai merely shrugged as he lifted the spoon out of his mouth. He held a wooden bowl in his hand as I did. "Three brothers and two sisters," he said a fond look, "Nami is about your age."

"Is she a waterbender like you?"

"No," he said with some of his humor vanishing, "She's only a healer…"

"What about your other sister?"

"She's not a waterbender, but she's married with two kids," he answered me with a crooked smile. An old pain grew in his dark blue eyes. "Her youngest is named after Arata."

_The one who had died to save him. The cousin who had been raised as a brother_. I held my breath, wondering what to say at this particular subject. "What about her other child?"

Enlai's pain in his eyes increased. _Oh no…_ "He's named after our father. He died in a confrontation with a Fire Nation ship years ago." He paused and looked down at his soup. "He died before I really got to know him."

The cavity in my chest, which had seemed smaller over the weeks, cried out in a recognized pain. My father had died as well as my brother because of the war. I had never gotten to know them. But then, I would not ever have gotten that chance to begin with. "What about your brothers?" I asked, trying to change his thoughts and silently hoping that none of them had died because of the war either.

"My eldest brother Ronin is a warrior and head of the family," Enlai continued and I saw the admiration in his eyes for this brother. "Ronin is not married and not a bender, but he's…"

"Someone you look up to?" I finished for him.

Enlai nodded with a warm smile. "Yeah, he is. My only other brothers are Zinan who's more of a scholar then warrior. He's the only other one married. Then there's Takeshi, the baby of the family."

"How old is he?" I could not but help and feel akin to this subject. Enlai had grown up in a large and for the most part, a happy family environment. What would it have been like if I…

I stopped that trail of thought. "He's thirteen and training to become a warrior," Enlai said with a wry smile, "He had wanted to come with me here." _Thirteen…so close to the age of Koun…_My throat felt like a rock was stuck in it at the thought of my brother. "Mother would not have allowed it nor Ronin."

I nodded and took a bite of my soup. It slithered down my throat with difficulty. "What about you?" I looked over at Enlai and saw curiosity in his eyes. "You don't talk about your family at all."

I clenched the spoon in my left hand. What was there to talk about? I had told him I had lost them, which was truth. Yet...part of me, just a miniscule part, _wanted_ too. _He could understand...He has felt such similar loss_... "I do not like talking about them," I replied, killing those thoughts in my mind.

Enlai's face was sympathetic. "I know you lost them but it can be good to talk about these things, little lily." His eyes became flirtatious, losing the seriousness he had maintained for the last few minutes. "Besides, I'd like to know about them so I'll have an idea of what our kids could be like."

Naturally, I sputtered out the food that had been in my mouth. It took me a few moments to regain coherency as I looked at Enlai's teasing eyes. My cheeks were on fire. "What?" I demanded outraged.

Enlai had his head back and was howling with laughter. When he was done he looked back at my glaring eyes. "You should have seen the look on your face!" he cackled, "I have not seen you so expressive before!" The only thing I deemed fit to do was throw something at him. My aim was good when I threw the spoon at him.

* * *

Today was passed in the normal routine that I have developed: training in the morning, help with the midday meal, and usually end up entertaining the children afterwards. All of them are so young and have not even seen at least ten summers. Sometimes with the things they know they are beyond their years...strangely, it reminds me of of myself and other children of the Society. The war has made them grow up more quickly then they should be. I find myself becoming _fond_of all the little rascals, but what kind of person am I to play with children? I have no experience with any and yet they have attached themselves to be. I blame Enlai and Huyu for this. They are the ones who pulled me into the limelight of the children's attentions.

After I am done playing with them, I usually train or wander about trying to find something constructive to do. That is usually when I spend time with Enlai or Genji. Huyu I can spend time with but he does not talk much either. We usually just end up sitting there lost in our own thoughts. Then I train again in the evening before the dinner meal and meditate. Yet today after the midday meal I had Genji approach me…

"Rana, do you want go exploring?" He inquired.

I was surprised and thought to refuse initially. That is something for children to do. Genji must have seen this. "C'mon, you have not been far from the village at all." He was right and I agreed against my better judgment. We walked through the icy tundra, heading in a western direction. I wondered as to what there could possibly be to explore in this barren landscape. Except for the tiger seals and penguins in massive groups that would be on the shorelines, I had seen little else of any other living creatures here. Icy cliffs could be seen in a distant haze against a blue horizon. Genji talked to me about the differences he had noted between the Southern and Northern Water Tribe. He told me of how once they had been one tribe, but a period of civil unrest long ago had led a group of them to migrate to the Southern Pole.

A dark shape that I had first thought to be a dark mountain perhaps loomed ahead of us. When we were close enough I stopped in my tracks and looked at the ruins of a _ship..._

I do not know what I felt then.

It was a Fire Nation ship. It was torn up and held up by jutting ice shelves that were clearly created from _waterbending_. I could see a small and torn red flag of the Fire Nation still battling against the breeze. My chest felt hollower then before. I looked over at Genji too see him studying me carefully. His ethereal blue eyes were cold. A shiver ran down my neck.

"That ship is from the earliest raids," Genji spoke at last. "Perhaps your grandmother was amongst the very group that stopped this ship."

_He knew that my grandmother was from here…but how?_ "What did you say?" I demanded in shock.

"You heard me."

I looked at his face, searching for something…anything really. I found that he had brought me here on _purpose_. He knew that ship was here. What was the meaning of this? "How do you know about my grandmother?" I challenged him.

Genji only gave a secret smile. "I know a lot of things, _Rana_," he answered me, "That was her name as well."

"Why did you bring me here?"

"Isn't the answer obvious?" He inquired with a raised eyebrow. "You're not slow, Rana."

I shook my head, seething with emotions, but most of all anger was the strongest. It was cold out, well, it always is here, but I found myself hot as I would be in the Fire Nation. My rage warmed my blood as it pounded throughout my body.

Genji let out a long sigh as if in annoyance. "You are Water Tribe, but you were not raised that way. Nor are you entirely Water Tribe for the blood of the Fire Nation is in you." He looked at me with narrowed eyes. "I want to know if you still _are_ Fire Nation. When you look at that ship, what do you feel?"

That is what he had brought me out here for? Genji made no sense to me at all right now. What did it matter to him? Even if I did return to the Fire Nation there was nothing for me there. I would be in danger if they knew what I was. There was…nothing that I owed to them anymore. At least, that is what I told myself. "I do not know."

"Of course you do, answer the question!" He snapped.

I tilted my head and thought about it. _What harm could it do?_ "I am…ashamed."

Genji smiled a little on his sharp face. "Anything else?"

"I am not one to admit to emotions, Genji!" I replied irritated in return.

He let out a harsh laugh. "No, you aren't," he replied with shadowed eyes. "Let's head back to the village."

I did not know what the whole meaning of his bringing me here had been. The thing I do know is the emotions it brought forth as I followed him back to the village.

I had not felt more lonely and desolate…

Not since my capture in the North which four months to this very day. And this was not just any day….

It was my birthday.

* * *

A/N: I am hoping this chapter was not boring. I was attempting to convey what has become the normal (for the most part) day for Rana and its effects on her. Thanks for reading and please review.


	22. Confessions and Confrontations

Chapter Twenty-Two:

Confessions and Confrontations

* * *

"_We must learn to reawaken and keep ourselves awake, not by mechanical aid, but by an infinite expectation of the dawn."_ –Henry David Thoreau

Disclaimer: I do now own Avatar.

* * *

_I was standing before the wreckage of a ship like the one I had seen only days ago, but this one…this one is the one that had belonged to __**him. **__Around me the wind howled and the icy flakes stung my face. I was so cold…freezing… _

"_I can help you," his familiar voice offered heatedly. _

_I looked into his golden eyes as he stood before me. Before I knew it, his arms held me. The heat seeped into my bones and I sighed gratefully. But…the heat became too hot. __It was burning me! _"_Let go of me!" I cried, "Your Highness, you are burning me!" _

_I looked up to see a cruel smile. "I am Fire Nation," he said arrogantly, "And so are you. You will not burn." Yet the head singed my skin and I could feel the intense agony that made me squirm to get out of his iron hold. __I screamed and screamed. __His golden eyes were laughing… _"_This is what you deserve," he remarked furiously, "Traitor…"_

I awoke with a gasp as sweat made my blanket cling to me. My eyes whirled about in the dark room as my heart hurried as if it were in a race. The soft sound of Hayase's breathing filled the room as I closed my eyes.

_It was only a dream. Nothing more._

Yet I trembled inside. The nightmares had returned with a violent vengeance ever since I had seen the wreckage of that Fire Nation ship with Genji a couple of days ago. They were worse now compared to before. _I can not live this way_, I thought. Though the dreams haunted me, exhaustion won over, lulling me back into a tormented sleep.

* * *

The next morning I stood outside of the village near the shoreline, looking in the direction of the north-west. Towards the Fire Nation. The feeling has always been there, but now it had become something I could no longer ignore. Ever since seeing the wreckage of that Fire Nation ship…_Had it only been several days ago?..._

I had to go back. There were things there I had to…too say goodbye too or finish, before I could continue with a clear conscience. I did not think I would return here. Perhaps I would travel to the Earth Kingdom. Yet I knew in doing such a thing would be the final and complete act of betrayal. I had discovered that the person I had been months ago was not the same anymore. I had learned what it is to be _human_…laughter, friendship…

Somehow it felt _right_ to do such a thing, to let go of everything from there, even…even…

"Sayuri?"

I turned to see him walking over to me from the direction of the village. To my right, the sun was lowering in the sky, casting a golden glow in the heavens and the snowy ground. Everything was aglow. Enlai's feet crunched in the snow while his breath came out in smoke like a dragon's. He came and stood by me with wondering eyes. His tall form towered over my small one. "What are you doing out here?"

"Thinking," I said, turning away from him and looking back towards the north-west.

"Mysterious," Enlai mused, "But wouldn't you rather think inside where it's warm?" He winked at me. "I know how you hate the cold."

"I can be alone here."

Enlai let out a low laugh. "Is that a hint for me to leave?" He questioned in his teasing manner.

I did not reply.

Enlai's next words were serious, with no laughter. "You're leaving." Not a question, but a statement. I did not credit him enough for how observant he can be. I turned to look at him. His eyes that I admired were deep with seriousness, and not the laughter that was always there.

"Yes."

"When?" He asked quietly with intense eyes.

"As soon as I can." I saw Enlai's shoulders stiffen as if in anger. _What was with him? _

"Sayuri," he said in a hushed voice, "Stay."

"What?"

He looked at me with intense emotion in his face. It was difficult for me to read but I could see the distress. _Why?_ "You belong here," he added, "Don't go."

"I am not Water Tribe, not entirely."

"That doesn't matter!" Enlai argued with surpising force, "You're a waterbender and people care about you here. They would want you to stay!"

I took a step back from him. "What are you trying to say, Enlai?" I was oblivious to what he would say next.

"I didn't think of it being this way," he remarked, as if to himself. He paused and looked at me thoughtfully. His dark blue eyes were unwavering. "Do you think it impossible that someone could love you?...That _I _could love you?"

I stared at him dumb-founded. He…he was _in love _with me? _"You should have known," a voice whispered in my mind, "Didn't you notice…the looks he would give you? That look in his eyes…?"_ I shook my head and backed away from him. It had only been a game to him. _This…no…_

Enlai took a step towards me. "You are strong and persevere, though you try to hide." He smiled almost sadly. "I know from what I have seen that your heart is hurt, but I can help you. Even if you don't feel the same, given time you'd love me." He extended a hand towards my face, but I jerked away. "You're beautiful, Sayuri," he said with all of his passion and quiet hurt. He looked into my eyes. "I'm asking you to stay…with me."

I stood there like an animal caught in a trap, trying to find a way to flee. Enlai slowly took a step to fill the distance between us. I shook my head and backed way. Before I ran, I witnessed the most injured expression on his face that I had ever seen on anyone.

* * *

I had taken cover in my room aboard the ship…afraid to go out because I could run into Enlai. Thankfully Hayase was not here. I was _afraid_, but of what…_love?_ Why could I not have rejected him then and there? I did not need love. It is only a bothersome thing. Friendship and the things I had learned in the last few months was one thing, but _love_? I had been taught _not_ to love.

"_You know what you're afraid of," the voice whispered tauntingly in my thoughts. _

I scowled and tried to meditate.

"_Would it be so wrong to feel that way?" the voice asked._ I tried to think of myself as a mountain, strong and unmovable. _I am like the mountain. I am like the stone._

Light wavered in my closed eyes as the door to my room was opened. I opened my eyes to see Genji strolling into the small room. He paused after he walked in through the door and then sat on Hayese's hammock across from me. It was only feet away. Graceful hands settled on his lap and his ethereal, blue eyes held a guarded expression. "Rana, are you alright?"

I nodded briskly.

Genji raised both of his eyebrows in disbelief. "You're not a very good liar. I saw you running away from Enlai."

Cold air had wafted in when he had opened the door and it had slapped me on the face. Now the warm air of the room stroked my tingling cheeks. "I would like to be alone right now," I tried to say respectfully.

Genii's eyes revealed annoyance at this. "I'm not going to leave until you tell me what happened."

I shook my head.

Genji let a noise of frustration. "Do you always have to be closed up like this?" He pressed in irritation, 'Why can't you let anyone help you?!"

I looked away. Why was he doing this? Was it 'crazy day' for everyone? I found myself becoming more and more angry with every passing minute. "Rana, answer me!" Genji growled. His eyes, guarded still, were fierce.

"Just leave me alone!" I snapped at last. Genji did not even twitch.

"No," he said slowly and darkly. I stood to my feet to leave and started for the doorway past him. Genji's graceful hands were surprisingly strong and quick when he grabbed my right forearm as I went by. I glared down at his unblinking gaze.

"Let go of me," I ordered in a low and furious voice.

"No."

I made a movement with my left hand to release myself from his grip. I considered it a good thing he had grabbed my arm that had my crippled hand. Yet before I could so, he yanked me down to his level, forcing me to my knees.

Then…he _kissed_ me.

Hard, angry, and desperate.

I jerked away from him and fell backwards onto my bottom. Genji let out an angry breath. "That is why," he said at last, "You should let people…_me_, help you." I narrowed my eyes at him in astonishment and anger. My thoughts were scattered. He had _kissed_ me...the first man to do so....

Genji at last smiled at me slowly. "I…care for you, Rana."

…_Two…?...In one day…?_

Genji looked at me with his light blue eyes. They were like crystals. "Don't you…?" He asked in a delayed tone. I raised myself to my feet. His intelligent face looked at me impatiently. Without warning, I jabbed him with my left hand on the right spot. He fell over unconscious, half-way still on the hammock. I then hurried out of the room more confused and _frightened_ then I had been since the night I had been taken from my family as a child.

* * *

A/N: This is perhaps the shortest chapter I have written, but I hope the content makes up for it. As usual, thanks for reading and please review.


	23. Departure

Chapter Twenty-Three:

Departure

* * *

"_The myths have always condemned those who ''looked back.'' Condemned them, whatever the paradise may have been which they were leaving. Hence this shadow over each __departure__ from your decision.__"_ –Daq Hammarskjold

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

Once I had left the ship, I went to the village to find Master Pakku in a breathless rush. _I had to leave_. I found him outside by the igloo talking with several of the men. He raised a single eyebrow at me as I bowed. He excused himself from the other men and came to me. The sounds of the village rang peacefully in the air but I did not take notice of these things. "You look paler than the snow, something I wouldn't think possible considering your skin color," He said, "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing, Master Pakku, but I _must_ discuss something with you."

"I'm listening."

The cavity in my chest ached for some unknown reason. I tried to look calm and removed. "I cannot stay here. I must leave."

Pakku's raised eyebrow went up even further. "What made you suddenly have this desire to leave?"

"I…I have always intended to," I explained in a halting manner, "There are things in the Fire Nation that I must finish."

I could not read Master Pakku's expression at my explanation, but he did not speak as to why I wished to return to my homeland. That in itself was a blessing and a relief. "Rana, you're not the same person I meet months ago. You have changed." His eyes were shrewd. "But you have not mastered waterbending and you are technically still a prisoner." I tensed, fearful that he would deny me. Even if he did, I would find a way to leave never the less. I guess that he saw that thought on my face. "I don't know why you haveto go there, but I don't think you would give us away to the Fire Nation …that is why I will let you leave with my blessing."

My knees trembled at this news. He…he was going to let me leave willingly? I almost could not believe it. "But there is the problem of how you will leave," he added. My breath caught in my throat. I had not thought about this, much to my own stupidity. The ship was the only one they had and it took most of the men to use it. How would I be able to leave?

"The only way would be by canoe," He continued with a wrinkled brow, "And you don't know how to use one I'm sure."

"I am a quick learner."

"Not always," he replied sharply. I thought of my training and could not agree more. "It would take weeks to get to the Fire Nation with it. You'd never make it."

Any hope that I had fled at his words.

"But it is possible to make it to one of the islands south of the Earth Kingdom." His face was thoughtful, "Someone would have to go with you who is a proficient bender and knows how to handle a canoe. With waterbending, the trip would be much quicker." Hope returned, but the cavity in my chest felt hollower for some reason I did not know. Other thoughts of what had just happened earlier I did not think about. "From there I assume you could travel to a Fire Nation colony. You could find a way from there to the Fire Nation."

I nodded in agreement.

"I will ask the men, but I cannot promise anything of it," He warned, "If no one wishes to travel with you to the Earth Kingdom, you will remain here."

I bowed. "Thank you, Master Pakku," I said and I meant every word. He merely nodded and went his way.

After that, I joined Hayase and Asako as they did chores with the other women. I did not feel like being in the company of any men. Women chattered around me but none of them talked to me. I was fine with that. Hayase though, had other ideas. "What's wrong with you?" She asked meekly.

I merely shrugged and ignored her concerned eyes. Asako still did not look well for her husband had yet to return. The South Pole is a large block of ice. It would take them even more weeks to return. Some time passed till I noticed Genji stalk into the village with a clouded face. I avoided his eyes but I knew he was looking at me. He did not approach me or say anything. I almost sighed with relief. I stayed in Hayase's company the whole afternoon which was not usual for me. She did not ask about it. She is not usually intrusive and I like that about her. Finally after what seemed days Master Pakku came to me and pulled me aside.

"I have spoken to the men," He reported with a calm face, contrary to what I felt inside. "One of them has agreed to take you."

I felt like hugging the old man but I controlled myself from doing so. "Supplies must be gathered and made ready, but you will leave at the end of this week," He continued, "Unless you change your mind till that time."

"That will not happen," I replied confidently, "Thank you, Master Pakku."

He merely shook his head. "You better not make me regret this." With that, he went his own way as before as I went mine.

* * *

Three days passed as I tried not to think. They went by slowly and I wished for the opposite. I did not go near Enlai or Genji, but instead stayed in the protective shadow of Hayase and the other women. A few of them wondered as to why I was suddenly in their company much more then I had been before. None of them asked of course, but I could hear their whispers. Or just read their lips. I pondered briefly with amusement as to how they would react if they knew I had this skill. Not that it came to much use anymore.

One more day passed in slow torture. I could not abide this! The hollow cavity in my chest seemed to ache while my stomach twisted in knots at the thought. Many thoughts of things from before…home, the Society, and…

They dwelt in my mind. The other things, from here, I did not want to think about. Ever since that…incident, I have moved about as if a piece of driftwood floating endlessly on unfeeling currents. Early this morning I was helping Kanna, who had told me to call her "Gran-Gran" of all things. I did not spend much time with her usually. At all actually. We were in her comfy one-roomed hut that now also belonged to Master Pakku. The fire crackled in the middle of the room. Furs covered the ground and icy walls. There was what I considered to be a comfortable silence in the room.

"Rana, is everything okay?"

I looked up at her searching and knowing eyes. They were the same shade as Katara's and her oaf of a brother. I only nodded. She did not know me. "You're more in the clouds than usual," she noted, "Not that you are normal to begin with." I had underestimated her. I had been doing that too much of late. "You should talk to him."

My head shot up instantly. "_What?_"

Gran-Gran sniffled in irritation, a gesture that reminded me of Master Pakku. "You heard me," she replied. The same words that Genji had used when we had visited the ruins of the Fire Nation ship. I avoided her eyes. _How did she know, but then who was she speaking of? _Gran-Gran gave me a critical look as if she had heard the thought. "It is obvious Enlai is in love with you. The last couple of days he has not been himself," she said, but her next words were tender. "According to Pakku at least. The way Enlai felt was obvious to the whole village."

Had everyone known besides me?...How is that possible…? At least she had not spoken of Genji, but then Genji had always distanced himself from everyone, outside of his brother and Enlai…..and me….

Again, Gran-Gran's instincts were spot on at reading my thoughts. "Usually when someone refuses to see what is there, it's because they are afraid." Her wrinkled face smiled at me for the first time kindly. "You should listen to your heart."

_But…love…? How could I?_ Everything I had been taught…there is no room for it. I was incapable of _love_! Then the whisper, _"You're not who you used to be….you are free!"_ For the first time, I did not silence that small voice within me.

Instead, I listened.

* * *

It took me hours to work up my courage. I had not talked to Enlai since…since his confession to me. I had avoided being near him like a small child avoids being left in the dark. Meditation did not help me nor did practicing my stances for waterbending. The hollow in my chest quivered and clenched. After a quiet dinner with Hayase and her husband, I went to the tent that was Enlai's. My breath came out in puffs of mist from the cold. The sky above was starting to shine in the purple twilight. Though I was warm in my thick layers, I felt a spiking cold. I stood outside the tan flap of the tent.

It was closed.

My feet felt the urge to flee. Something I am still not accustomed to doing, though I had done so easily the last few days. Before I could give in, Enlai opened the flap to his tent. Warm heat wafted outside of tent and a fire flickered inside. His dark face held no expression. Dark blue eyes that were deep were shadowed. Something in my stomach fluttered. If anything, he held a neutral look I had always sought to maintain. He did not look like the Enlai I knew. _Did I hurt him that badly?_ My throat tightened to a lump as I knew the answer. It seemed like eternity in what was only seconds before I could at last speak. "I'm leaving in three days." _Is that the only thing I could say?_ I wondered. I did not know the right words for how I felt.

Enlai's expression did not change. The hollow in my chest rang with pain. "I heard," he said blandly. His voice was thick, as if he found it difficult to speak.

I shifted on my feet, a sign of nervousness I would not usually do. But this was not normal for me nor for what I was about to admit. Something I loathed to say to anyone. "I am afraid." Enlai raised his eyebrows, startled just as I was that I would say such a thing. My voice became a whisper, "I am afraid, especially afraid that I will not return." I lowered my eyes for I could not bear to see what I was also terrified of. "I was…hoping you would _still_ give me a reason too."

Enlai made a sound as if he were choking that me look back up at him. I cannot describe how he looked right then, but mostly the return of the EnlaiI knew was there in his eyes. They were alive with emotion again. I gave him what I hoped to be a sincere smile, but the anxiety was plain in my eyes. "May…may I stay the night with you?"

Enlai's eyes widened as he took in my words. "Is that what you want?" He questioned me quietly.

"Yes."

Something in Enlai's eyes shined and I saw a sparkle of…_hope?_ He opened the tent flap for me and I walked past him into the tent…

* * *

Out of my whole life which in itself has not been very long, those last three days before I left were filled with the most joy that I had ever found or known. After that night with Enlai….he was there by my side those last three days. He did not say again about how he felt. We did not talk of those things. There was a silent agreement that we would only enjoy the present. Then the day came for me to leave. Hayase had been the only woman to give me a tearful goodbye….

"I can't believe you're leaving," She said with visible tears. I was uncomfortable with this. How do you handle a person when they are _crying?_ Before I could stop her she threw her arms around me and held me in a quick hug. "We don't know a lot about each other, but I will always consider you as my friend," She said with a sweet smile.

Somehow I was pleased with her words. "I…thank you, Hayase."

She only smiled with understanding. That is why I did value her as _a friend_ so much for she knew that I was not one to admit to things. Some things are just better left unsaid. It made things easier in the long run.

Kanna had bidden me farewell as well but in a distant manner. She did not know me well nor I her. "If you run into my grandchildren at all," she had said, "Say hi to them for me." I had shaken my head and said such chances were slim. Kanna had only maintained that knowing look she seemed to have as she went about her business. Several of the men bade me farewell. And Asako, well, I do not think she would even notice my absence. She looked sicklier with every passing day. Strangely, I worried for her almost.

Master Pakku had not told me who would be coming with me. I should have thought of it before but I had not thought of such things for my mind had been…elsewhere. Of all the people the only two I thought it could be would be Huyu or Enlai. None of the other men were especially fond of me and Master Pakku could not take me himself. He had business to tend to here. Finally on the early morning of that last day I went to him to find out. He was reading some sort of scroll in the hut that he shared with Kanna when I walked in. He set it aside with a long sigh. "Yes?"

"I am leaving today."

"I am well aware of that," He replied with some condescension, "You talk more now. I don't know if I like it much."

"Who is coming with me?"

"Genji."

He saw the look on my face that caused a sly smile to grow on his wrinkled, prune face that I felt like throwing something at. _I…he…?!_ A scream from my lungs would have been fitting but instead I said nothing. "If you're curious, Enlai and Huyu volunteered to take you as well." His smile widened. "Unfortunately, they are both powerful benders I need here. Genji is suitable for the task, so don't worry." Did he know of what had happened? Was this his idea of a sick joke?

Instead of bashing his head in or demanding that he find someone else. I nodded in agreement. I could not change this, even if I had wanted to for Genji was a weaker bender then Huyu or Enlai. They were needed here, especially with the absence of Kaimu and Arashi. Then he had bowed to me and said, "I have been honored to have you as student." I returned the bow and was shocked at his words. If anything, I had been naught but a horrid student to have. "I hope you find whatever it is you're seeking." I had nodded and left the room, wondering at his words.

Then the time came for me to say goodbye to Huyu. It had been simple and I liked it that way. "You going now?" He had asked when I came into the tent he shared with Genji. Luck was smilin on me for Genji was not in there. My bag that held several clothes and a few coins that had been given to me by Master Pakku was slung over my shoulder. His eyes, the same shade as his brother's, were…_sad?_

I nodded.

"You still have that flower I gave you?"

I almost smiled. The little carving he had done of a lily was hidden away in the bag as well. I nodded again.

"Good," he said gruffly as if he were embarrassed, "I have something else for you." He then handed me a knife, like the one he used as did the other men. A knife made from animal bone. It was sharp and only long as my hand, but exquisite carvings ran along the blade. Leather wrappings were on one end to serve as a grip hold.

"Thank you," I said with a bow.

Huyu shifted on his feet. "Well, you can't waterbend where you're going so you might need it." He gave me a small smile. "Might come in handy." It could be considering I could not fight as I once had. My right hand was useless in hand-to-hand but this knife could be of use. I gave him a true smile, something I did not do much. "You going to come back?"

I shrugged. _I did not know myself_.Huyu then shrugged as well. "I'll miss you. You've grown a lot since I met you," He paused as he eyed me, "Well, not stature wise." I gave him the evil eye and he smiled sheepishly. "I'll always be your friend. If you ever need my help, just give me a holler."

"I…" That sort of thing I still did not know how to respond to. "It might be hard to hear me considering how far away I'll be." Huyu grunted and patted my shoulder. Neither of us are the kind to use soft words. I woud miss that I thought.

* * *

Then…Then I went to say goodbye to Enlai…

He was sitting in his tent, working on sharpening several knives. His face looked up at me and I could see the conflict in his eyes. He set aside his work. "I know you'll dream of me while you're gone," He stated jokingly, "And miss my strong arms and all that which most girls would envy you for."

I snorted openly. "I will try to contain myself."

Enlai rose to his feet and closed the gap between us. He held me in arms like he would never see me again. _Did he know?_ But then…I did not know either. His chin was tucked over my head that rested against his chest. His heart thrummed loudly."All I ask," He whispered by my ear. "Is that you come back, even if you don't intend to stay." I looked up at his eyes and saw a mixture of hope and pain. _He was afraid_. "I would like to see you again, even if only once, Sayuri." His dark eyes were soft… "Little lily." Then his mouth was on mine, enticed with urgency and desperation. It took us a few moments to regain our breath when he ended the kiss. "I have something for you." He let go of me and pulled something out of his pocket. Taking my hand into his own he put a small circular object in it.

I opened my palm to see one of the betrothal necklaces that was custom in the Northern Tribe. The design on the blue colored stone was of a miniature lily, rather like the one Huyu had given me. I looked back at him. "Huyu helped me to make it," He admitted when I raised an eyebrow, "I'm not good at carving things." I looked at the necklace, knowing what it meant…

"I'm not asking you to promise anything," Enlai continued hurried, "But just keep it with you as a reminder if you will." He smiled at me but I could see the hurt in his eyes. "You know that I-"

I put a finger against his lips. He saw the statement in my eyes. _Don't say it._ I could not help it but I did not need those words…I put the necklace in my bag. "I...can't promise you anything."

Hurt gleamed in his dark eyes. "I…I understand." He embraced me one last time. When I was walking through the tent flap his voice called out. "Sayuri?" I turned and looked at him standing there. His straight, dark hair hung free around his dark face. It was his eyes that I admired the most but at the moment they were bleak. "I love you, remember that." I could only nod and left the tent without another word. His dark eyes were engraved in my mind, replacing the other ones that usually haunted me…

* * *

When I started to walk outside of the village, I could not help myself when I turned to look back one last time. Would I this place again? The hollow in my chest felt more empty at the thought. "Rana!" A child's voice yelled. One of the children, a young boy who's innocent curiosity had entertained me before, ran to me and attached his petite frame around my waist. I had become used to being tackled by them, but not in open gestures of _affection_. I looked down at the wide blue eyes in his dark, chubby and young face. He would be no more then five years old. "Are you leaving?"

"Yes, Nobu."

His lower lip trembled. "Don't go!" He pleaded. They were more attached to me then I had initially thought. "If you stay, I'lll give you a new hand!"

I crouched down to his level and looked into his sincere eyes. "And how would you do that exactly?"

Nobu'syoung brow frowned in concentration. He, of all the children, had caught my interest with his naive wit. Yet in that was also a wisdom children should not have. But these children had known the acrid taste of fear and the salty tears of loss becayse of _my country_.

"I'll give you mine!"

I took his tiny hands into mine. "Thank you, Nobu. But I have to go."

"Will I see you again?"

A lump hardened in my throat. "I do not know." I laid a hand on his dark head as I rose to my feet. When I looked down at his small face there were tears in his eyes. _They were for me, as Hayase's had been. _I appreciated them and was beginning to understand them. Then I travelled apace to where the canoes were located. The supplies had already been packed. When I arrived, Genji's figure was crouched over a canoe as he stowed away some items. His back was faced to me. I stared at the canoe in horror. I was to travel in **that?** It was way to small! And I would be stuck on it with him for at least a week...

Genji stood to his feet and looked at me. Light blue eyes were cold in their intelligence. "You ready?" He inquired.

I looked away. "Yes."

"Good," he replied shortly, "Let's get going before I change my mind."

I could not agree any more and clambered into the canoe. When we were both settled, Genji started to use his waterbending that made us move swiftly into the open ocean. When I looked back towards the village it was nothing but a bare speck against the frozen landscape. _"I love you, remember that," Enlai's voice echoed in my ears, his voice aching with a quiet hurt_.

I looked away and towards the open sea. I was doing the right thing...The cavity in my chest had never felt so empty.

* * *

A/N:Well, I hope this chapter was alright for everyone. Just a note, but when she gets to the Fire Nation it is roughly around the beginning of the third season, before the day of black sun at least. Anyways, thanks for reading and please review.(Just click the button...it's not hard, I do it all the time when I read people's fanfic...)


	24. Journey

Chapter Twenty-Four:

Journey

* * *

"_To get through the hardest journey we need take only one step at a time, but we must keep on stepping__."_ –Chinese Proverb

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

The week that followed was the longest and dullest one of my entire life thus far. Imagine feeling like a speck in the wide ocean and with a vast sky above you. You are at the mercy of the weather but so far it has been kind to you, at least not with any violent storms. The sun slowly tortures you instead. There is nowhere to walk or go, all you can do is sit there with nothing to do but think. Yet thinking is the last thing you want to do. Better yet, your only companion is someone who either ignores you completely or glares at you with vehement eyes.

That is how it was for the first three days. Genji said very little, if not at all to me. It was on the fourth day that the rage began…

_My legs were underneath me and cramped from having been sitting so long. My eyes hurt from the glare of the sunlight on the water. My face and lips were burnt from overexposure to the sun. The mood was of exhaustion and annoyance. Sometimes I would try to bend or I would use the paddle while Genji rested. That was what I was doing then, feeling the strain on my arms for they were not used to this. The oar felt so heavy…_

_Genji sat on the other end, leaning against the back with his legs stretched out towards me. He was staring at me. My eyes avoided his. Water lapped against the side of the canoe while we rocked a little like a cradle. This had not bode well for my stomach. I had spent a good portion of the days with my head hanging over the side of the canoe. "Why did you choose him?" Genji asked bitterly, shattering the silence. I looked at his resentful face. _

"_I did not "choose" him," I protested. _

_Genji snorted angrily. "I know what happened, the whole village did! You didn't hide it at all!"_

_In those three days we had not done anything out in the open. No public signs of affection or anything like at all. I shrugged casually. _

"_Do you love him?" _

"_That is none of your affair!" I at last snapped in irritation. I had had enough of him! Why he could he not just let it go?_

_Genji made a humph sort of sound, but said no more._

After that, the last remaining three days were…different. Genji suddenly acted as he had before, back when things had been alright. It was hard to believe that it had not even been two weeks ago. I wondered obviously at this change, but did not ask lest it be destroyed if I do. I liked this Genji better for he was than my _friend _once more.

* * *

At last we landed at one of the southern islands and came upon a small, but busy port. It was from here that I would find transportation to the mainland and then on to a Fire Nation colony. Here is where I would part ways with Genji for he was to return to the Southern Water Tribe…

We were standing at the dock where I had already found a merchant ship headed for the Earth Kingdom. The captain, an elderly man, did not usually take passengers. He had been surprised, but willing to give me passage for a moderate fee. Genji and I had hidden the canoe outside of the town for safety and discretion. He had insisted that he would stay with me till he was sure I had found a ship. My ears were unused to all the noises of the port. The village had been quiet compared to this. The sky above was a gray oppression while a drizzled gale swept the docks.

I had exchanged my blue parka for a discreet, dark cloak. The rest of my Water Tribe garb had been done away with for a darker outfit of generic style. Such things would make me harder to place and would not scream of Water Tribe in a Fire Nation colony. My bag was on my shoulder and Huyu's knife discreetly hidden at my side. Genji wore a robe similar to mine over his Water Tribe wear. His ethereal gaze eyed my new wardrobe with dislike. I gave him a questioning look. "Blue's a better color on you," He affirmed gingerly, "It looks good with your coloring." I did not know if he meant the shade of my eyes or my skin color. It might have applied to both.

"This is it than," I began to say, "I thank you for bringing me here." I bowed my head in respect.

"I'm coming with you."My head snapped back up as swiftly as lightening. His face was dead serious and his mouth set determined.

"You are to return to the Southern Water Tribe…"

"No, I'm not."

"You are needed there…you cannot come with me!" I retorted with my voice starting to rise.

Genji only smiled tightly. "I am a free man. I can do what I will."

"It is…dangerous! I will not allow this!"

"It doesn't matter. I'm still coming with you."

My left hand curled into a fist. He…no! "I will lose you at the next port," I replied in a furious voice. I did not even try to contain my anger.

"You can try."

* * *

And that was that. It only took a couple of days to reach the Earth Kingdom. On the merchant ship, Genji and I both slept on the deck underneath the stars. I ignored Genji, hoping to drive him away for his own good. He could not come with me! Why was he doing this? On the last night we were on that ship together, I asked him…

_He was sitting on top of a crate with his cloak wrapped around himself. His eyes were watching me. "Why are you doing this?" I asked, speaking to him for the first time since we had set foot onto the ship. _

_A small, but hardened smile like steel stretched his lips. "Isn't it obvious?" _

"_Just answer the question!"_

"_This is my chance," He stated. His face stared intently at my own. He did not say it nor was there a need. Love makes people do stupid things. Did he think to __**win **__me? He could be captured or…worse by coming with me. Genji was my __**friend**__, and that is why I was determined to lose him at the next port. He would not be able to follow me, he would be safe. _

_When we had made port, I had hurried off the ship as speedily as a tiger-seal in the water. I immersed myself in the dusty crowd. Luck was with me for it was market day. A quick glance around told me I had lost Genji. This it had been easier then I thought it would be. A quick inquiry to a cabbage merchant had revealed that the nearest Fire Nation colony was at least a week away by foot. I stopped at several booths to gather supplies. _

_Than…than I was on my way. When I started down the dusty road that led from the town I glanced back. I hoped…he would be alright. The road was before me and the quietness I had missed from the Water Tribe was mine again. The hollow in my chest echoed with a distraught tremble…_

The Fire Nation colony was a port town, but surrounded by small farms. I entered as a shadow, not bringing attention to myself. It was when I was searching for a ship at the docks that I heard the news…

Two men who were vendors next to each other were absorbed in their conversation. I had paid them no heed as I walked by till I heard the words, "_The prince_," come from the fruit seller. I had back tracked immediately. They looked at me with eager eyes, ready to sell their wares. "May I help you, miss?" The other man asked politely.

"Yes, you can," I said evenly, trying to control my racing emotions. "Can you tell me of what you were speaking of? I could not but help to overhear it when I walked by."

Both men's jaws dropped. "Have you not heard?" The fruit seller gaped.

I forced myself to smile. "I have been…away."

The other man shook his head. "The Avatar has been killed by the prince," He exclaimed proudly, "And the princess cconquered Ba Sing Se in one stroke! They have returned to the homeland as heroes." _He…he was alive?_ I had not dared to hope…but the Avatar was dead? An image of the young bow grew in my mind of what I had last seen him…

"_We're leaving today," he stated simply. _

"_I was informed," was my short reply. A moment of awkward silence followed. The Avatar took in a long breath. _

"_I was wondering," he began quietly, "If you would want to come with us." His bright, grey eyes were nervous and excited._

_My jaw almost fell open, but I shook my head. "No," I replied instantly, "I thank for you for the offer though." _

_The Avatar's look held a mixture of disappointment and relief. "Uh….your welcome then," he said and then gave a gesture of respect and farewell. _

_I returned the salutation. The Avatar turned to leave. "Wait," I said. He turned back and looked at me curiously. "Did…did your truly mean it?"_

_The Avatar smiled slowly on his young face. "Yeah, I did." My throat tightened and I nodded. _

When he had asked me that, I had imagined of capturing him for…the prince. But he was dead? Somehow it felt like a blow. He was the enemy of the Fire Nation, but…I did not consider myself his enemy anymore. I did not know what to think of it. Ba Sing Se had fallen…now the Earth Kingdom was as close to as defeated. What would happen?

The fruit seller's hardened face drew me back. "Don't forget what happened with Iroh," He added scornfully, "He betrayed the Fire Nation!"

_What?_... "How did he do that?" I asked tranquilly, contrary to my mind.

The fruit seller frowned. "He sided with the Earth Kingdom scum in Ba Sing Se."

"Is that all you know?"

The other man nodded. "Who are you anyways?" He asked with curious eyes.

"I am visiting family back home at the mainland," I answered with a careless shrug. With that I went on my way, wondering over this unexpected news. I found a transport ship headed for the Fire Nation and unfortunately had to sneak aboard. I did not have the proper identification to pass through. Hopefully I would not get caught. Fortunately, the trip is only for a few days to the Fire Nation. I have not been to my nation for three years, not since the banishment of my…the prince…

* * *

A/N: Now she's about to return to the Fire Nation at long last! These next few chapters were my favorites to write. And did anyone notice the brief mentioning of a popular minor character from the show? Thanks for reading and please review.


	25. Home

Chapter Twenty-Five:

Home

* * *

"_Where we love is home, home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts."_ –Oliver Wendell

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

_Everything was white and crystalline around me till I realized I was standing outside of the village. The sky above was a blue orb of perfection. Then…Enlai was standing a distance away from me with a hand reached towards me. I took a step towards him, but every time I did he somehow became farther away. Eventually I was running._

_I had my hand out and my fingers became only inches from his own. His dark eyes were pleading with me. But I could not reach him! "Enlai!" I shouted but he did not say a word. It was all in the depths of his eyes. All of his hurt, laughter, and love for…me. _

I awoke with a sigh, wondering what this had meant. Ever since I had left the Southern Pole, my dreams had been a combination of the nightmares from before and now these dreams. I rose from the bed I had slept in and stretched out my arms. This inn had not been half bad at all and worth the price. It had beaten sleeping off of the roadside as I had done for the last two nights. I was on the island that had been my home once. The place where I had been born and where the home of the noble Suzuki family was located. Today was the day I would return at long last.

Many thoughts had gone through my mind over the last few days. I would go to see my mother and Narimi…but I had not yet decided _what_ to do when I saw them. I….I did not know…

But I did know that it was something I had to do. There was no going back or running away from this. It was something had to be done for my own sake of mind.

* * *

It had been pathetically easy to slip into my childhood home later that day unnoticed. The house had not been one of much largeness or wealth for my family was only minor nobility. Somehow I found myself gravitating towards the inner courtyard. I crept underneath the eaves, silently stalking the pillars. The floor was of cool wood, a kind of dark redwood that seemed like the intense redness that one sees in fire. The shadows from the narrow pillars across the walk reminded me of bars. _A prison…_

It was the singing that startled me. The instant I heard _her_ voice, I knew it to be her. The soft singing was one of heartbreaking lament. I recognized the sad melody, but could not place it. "Leaves through the vine, falling so slow. Like fragile, tiny shells, drifting in the foam…"

The courtyard's red bricks were alive in the sunlight. The fountain trickled tranquilly in front of the tree. It had been not but a sapling in my memory, but now it was much higher than myself. A crying wind picked the pale, pink blossoms from its wavering branches, showering them into the air. It was on the ornate stone bench that _she _sat.

She was not as I remembered her. This woman was dressed in pure white robes…the color of mourning. Her midnight hair was unbound, falling past her shoulders, shifting slightly with the wind. Pale hands clasped a stringed instrument on her lap as she finished her song. "Little soldier boy, come marching home. Brave soldier boy, comes marching home."

My throat hardened at her words while the hollow in my chest pounded with my heart. Her words wafted into the condemning air. It was a child's song, one sung at the hearth-side. A song of the mother's who lost their sons to the war. Always it was the war…I had walked quietly into the courtyard till I stood only feet away from her. I still felt small compared to her for she was of elegant height. I had inherited my grandmother's and aunt's small frame. Cherry blossoms sprinkled onto me like fresh morning rain.

She lifted her head and her face became even whiter as if she had seen a spirit. Her hands clenched her instrument. "Rana…?" She gasped at last. "But…they took you." Suddenly her eyes were shining with joyous sunlight. "Am I dead then?"

"No," was my brisk reply, "You are alive as I am."

"But this is impossible…"

"I left the Society," I answered her, or at least I had already, but they thought me to be dead as well. Mari's face trembled.

"You have come home then?" She asked, her words burdened with hope.

"I came to say goodbye."

Mari's face fell back into the one I had seen upon first entering the courtyard. "All gone….just like Ebisu…Koun," She whispered. She lifted her eyes back at me. "Do you hate me?" She asked as if she were a child who was in trouble.

"I did not to begin with," I responded in a guarded tone. This woman was only a shadow of what I remembered. Father and Koun's deaths had destroyed her. Why crush what was left? I did not hate her, not anymore. It had only been a child's hate born of confusion and resentment. I had thought that she had _abandoned_ me. Who would give their child willingly away?

Mari hugged her instrument to her chest. She began to hum the song from before. The tune cried quietly. "Mother?" I called out firmly. I waved my hand in front of her unblinking, golden gaze. She did not flinch. _Only a shell_…I took her head between my hands and kissed her on the forehead. It burned as if on fire. Her face was hollow, to thin…

She was ill…._dying…_

Does love always do that? I walked out of the courtyard with her humming ringing in my ears.

* * *

I snuck down the lighted hallway. Golden light streamed through the large paned windows that stood on one said of the hall. Dark wood doors lined the other side, while golden wood served as the flooring. Narimi and I used to slide down this hall in our socks…this hall is where the nursery and my bedroom had been. I had only seen several servants in the passing. The household had not been large in numbers to begin with. I paused when I saw a small shadow in the hallway. A toddler crept around the corner and halted a few feet away from me. He was two to three years tops. There was the baby roundness to his limbs and face, but he had a potential for a sharper angles. There was the promise of good looks there. His hair was a dark brown with a curl to it that stuck out at all ends around by his ears. His hair I did not recognize. He had the usual pale skin of the Fire Nation and light golden eyes, but their angle was more wide and full. Like Water Tribe eyes…

It was the eyes I recognized for they were the same shape and shade as mother's…and Narimi's…_her son! _I lowered myself down to a crouch and beckoned the child with my hand. He looked at me curiously and then toddled over. I held his soft chin in my hand hesitantly as I examined him. _Her son…_She was married? Narimi was only over two years older than me, meaning she has him when she was around my age. _So young…_

The boy's eyes looked past me. A smile grew on his small lips. "Mama!" He cried. I was suddenly very aware of an intense heat by my head behind me.

"Let go of my son," A woman ordered dangerously. I did exactly that. "Come behind me, Koun." The woman said next. The anxiety was high in her voice. The child, _Koun_, looked up behind me with confused eyes, but plodded on past me. _She had named him after our brother?_ "Now stand up slowly and remove your hood. Make any threatening move and it will be your last!"

I turned and pulled my hood back. Wide golden eyes in her face looked at me with no spark of recognition. Her face was now that of a beautiful woman, but it was the face of my sister. She stood in a stance ready to attack with fire burning in one hand. My throat clogged for she looked much like Mari had once. Beautiful, strong, and elegant. Koun's small form was attached to one of her legs. She wore a simple pair of golden-tan leggings with a long-sleeved red tunic. Her stomach protruded against her shirt…she was _pregnant?_ "Who are you and what are you doing in my home?" She asked heatedly.

"Have I changed that much, Nari?" I replied in turn. She did not recognize me and I should not have expected her to, but somehow it still stung.

Narimi's golden eyes narrowed. "Who are you to call me that?" She said in a tight voice.

"I am your sister Rana."

First her face turned sheet-white as she looked at me more closely. I pulled out the necklace Mari had given me long ago. Narimi would know it. And she did. It was a good thing when I saw her legs begin to buckle underneath her as she fainted.

* * *

It took me some effort for she was bigger than me, but I managed to take her into the nursery. Little Koun followed me while sucking his thumb. It did not take him long to be distracted by the toys while I set Narimi on a chair. It would not take her long to wake, but while I waited I watched her son with fascination. _He is my nephew_. I could see her in him and there were things I did not recognize. I wondered who his father is. I looked over at her eventually to see her golden eyes watching me critically. "He has your eyes," I noted, "But his hair must be from his father I presume."

"You're _dead_," She said in a blank voice, "I was there for the funeral!"

I laughed darkly. "That is what they wanted everyone to think." Narimi started to sit up in her seat. Her eyes darted between me and her son. She was on the alert. "Have you heard of the Society?"

There was a flicker in her eyes.

She did.

"They took me," I continued, unable to hide the bitterness in my words. "How do you know of them?"

"Mother told me after I had Koun….but she said they might never take mine," She looked at her son with worry, "Will they?"

"Not until…" I paused and stopped my words. She did not need to know. It was better that way. "The chances are highly unlikely," I said instead.

Relief swept her eyes. "You're not the sister I remember," Narimi said quietly. "What happened to you? And why…why did you come back?"

"It is a long story and one I cannot tell."

Narimi's beautiful face scowled. "I have something to tell you…about father and Koun."

"I already know."

"Oh," She said with relief, "Why have you come here?"

I could not help the anger in my eyes. "I am leaving the Fire Nation behind. This was one of the places I had to say goodbye to." I stood up from my chair. It was time for me to go. I had seen her and Mari. That should be enough.

"Are you leaving?"

"Yes." I started for the doorway.

"Don't go!" I halted and turned to look back. Narimi sat in the chair while Koun played. The image pinpricked the hollow in my chest. "I just found out you're alive," She explained with pained eyes, "Stay, even if only for awhile. I would like the chance to get to know you."

I held my breath. _I had time and part of me…_ "Alright," I replied. "Only for awhile though."

* * *

A day turned into one. Than one into two. For the sake of their safety, Narimi agreed with me that I was her old friend from childhood visiting. It was strange to be given one of the few guest rooms to sleep in and Narimi had several clothes that had belonged to other females in the family given to me. They were meant for one small in build and I knew them to have belonged to my aunt instantly. I did not visit Mari again for she was weak in the mind already. She did not need to be haunted by old memories and feelings. Narimi had told me tearfully that she had slowly crumbled since the deaths of her husband and son. She was dying as I had thought her to be. Interestingly, I did not seem to feel much in those days concerning her.

At first I was distant, not wanting to get to close. I was only to leave again so what was the point? Our conversations were brief and never too much detail was given. Narimi was horrified when she noticed my hand. I had shrugged it off and did not reveal how it had happened. It would not be wise for her to call me Rana, so I told her to call me…

"_Sayuri?" She repeated with a wrinkled brow. Even when frowning, she still looked beautiful. "What kind of name is that? It's not Fire Nation…" _

"_A …friend called me that," I said with a shrug. _

"_If that's what you want…Sayuri," She said back with wondering eyes_.

People here would remember her little sister who had died with that name. Somehow it did not feel right for her to call me that and then again it did. I did not think about it. I soon learned that she had been wed in an _arranged_ marriage to another Fire Nation noble. The man was only a second son in a low house but had shown promise of rising in the ranks. He was away at war in the Earth Kingdom…

"_So that is where Koun gets his hair," I stated. It felt…unusual to address her child by that name. The toddler was at play before us in the nursery. "What is the man's name?"_

"_Chen," She answered with a wistful look. _

_Did…she love him?_

"_It was arranged but it was not hard to fall in love with him," She declared with a wondrous smile. Narimi had always loved and trusted easily when we were children. She was that kind of woman, but also fiercely loyal and intelligent like a dragon. Her golden eyes looked at me with open curiosity. She did not mask her emotions well. "Have you ever loved someone?"_

_The hollow in my chest quaked. "No," I said quickly, "I could not for what I am." _

"_For what you were," Narimi said warmly, "You're not one of them anymore."_

_I turned away from her caring gaze._

She wondered of course as to what had happened to me throughout all of these longs years. It was something I should not discuss with her…or _because I did not want to_. Narimi knew that the Society was an association of bodyguards, but nothing beyond that. How foolish I was to destroy that worthwhile innocence in the following three weeks. For her and for myself, everything would be changed once more…

* * *

A/N: At long last, she has met her mother and sister again! Well, thanks for reading and please review!


	26. Discoveries

Chapter Twenty-Six:

Discoveries

* * *

"_You know quite well, deep within you, that there is only a single magic, a single power, a single salvation...and that is called loving. Well, then, love your suffering. Do not resist it, do not flee from it. It is your aversion that hurts, nothing else."_

–Hermann Hesse

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

Three weeks have passed as both a blessing and a curse. I knew I could not remain here. I had to leave for her own safety and my own sake of mind. It was too easy…the temptation that was here. I could, cannot, stay! That innocence of hers, concerning my history and that of our family I destroyed. I did not _mean _too, nor intend for it to happen. It just happened. She had a way of bringing things out of me, getting me to tell her things I had told no one, not even…not even Enlai.

She knew everything for the most part. I minced out what details I could, especially concerning the Society and those affairs. But she knew and I felt…wonderful. It was amazing to tell someone, especially her, the truth. It was if a heavy weight that was on my chest melted into nothing. She knew about the North, about the Southern Pole, and what _I _am. She had accepted it all with a quiet serenity. I had been horrified at my confessions. Had I betrayed them? Those who had trusted me enough to let me go? _"None of that matters to me," She had whispered, "You are my sister. We are blood, thus I also am…Water Tribe. I will never betray anything you have told me." _Those words, their true sincerity, had left me shaken but grateful. Narimi then said something else that…disturbed me…

_We sat in the courtyard with Koun playing with the water in the fountain. Her stomach had already grown in the time I was here. Narimi had told me she wanted a baby girl, but a son would be just as loved. I sat beside her, absently-mindedly fingering my necklace. When I noticed her looking at me, I slid it back underneath my shirt. __"I used to envy you for owning that necklace."_

_I looked back at her. _

"_But now I am glad I was not given it," She murmured with an apologetic smile, "It was only given to the waterbenders in the family, wasn't it?"_

_I nodded. _

"_Tell me…did you belong more there with those in the Water Tribe or here?" _

_I raised an eyebrow. "I do not belong in either." _

"_That is your training speaking," Narimi warned, "I have noticed this when you feel uncomfortable…or anything half the time." __I looked away from those knowing eyes. "I know something that you don't," She reported. I looked at her offering eyes. "Do you want to know?"_

"_Sure, why not," I muttered, a little annoyed with her seeing gaze. _

"_The reason why you are so guilty about this man you protected and that other one," She began. _

"_I do not feel guilty about Enlai!" I interrupted. I did not…_

"_If that is what you want to tell yourself," She said wisely, "You're in love with both of them."_

…_What?...No!...That…Impossible! _"_That is not a good idea of a joke," I said stoically, but inside was another matter. _

_Narimi looked at me with serious eyes. "I think that is why you have such bad nightmares." __I breathed in quickly. I had not told her about those…how…? _"_I can hear you down the hall," She answered me; "You cry out both of their names."_

That conversation left me reeling, more so than any of the others. _It could not be true, than yet I…_

We talked of other things as well. Father. Koun. Her husband Chen. Indeed, he did sound like a good man. There was a certain way her eyes would light up when she talked about him. Narimi did truly _love _him. That also made me think more about…

* * *

One night I had a dream that was _not_ a dream, but still a dream if that makes any sense…

_I had returned to the place where the storming blizzard never seems to end. Just as before I was too cold but the snow died down at my presence. This time she stood right before me with angry cobalt eyes…my aunt… _"_What are you doing here?" She hissed. I blinked in surprise. What was I doing here again?...I was not dead…_

"_I do not know," I replied simply with a shrug._

_My aunt's brow furrowed with anger and confusion. "Go away!"_

"_Rana…?"_

_We both turned to see the pale figure of my mother standing in the snow. Her white garment I had seen her in before made her look like some grieving spirit. Her dark hair, unbound to her shoulders, floated freely about from the wind. It was her eyes, the same shape as ours, but of golden color that were for once** collected**. I had seen her briefly several times since my first encounter with her and each time she had not been…there. _

"_Mari," My aunt whispered, "You….why are you here?" _

_Mari smiled in bewilderment. "I thought I would be with Ebisu and Koun…"_

_My aunt frowned in more confusion. "Who?"_

"_My husband and son…the war took them from me." _

_I stood there as if ignored. My aunt embraced Mari with open arms. It was strange to see two in different dress, that of the Fire Nation and the Water Tribe in a friendly embrace. "The war took my husband," My aunt said bitterly, "The war caused me to die…"_

_Mari let go of her sister's embrace. "I always thought of you," She declared with joy and a touch of sadness, "Are we going to be together again now?" _

_My aunt looked over at me with her bitter eyes. Here for the first time since her death she had someone she loved who could remain with her. My mother was dead, I knew it the instant she had made her appearance. It seems so…cold-hearted of me to take it that way. Yet my mother had the desire to be with others she had lost…father…Koun…_

"_No, my dear sister," My aunt Rana explained with even more bitter eyes, "They are waiting for you." _

"_Oh," Mari replied with a smile, the kind I remembered from my childhood. "What do I do?" _

_Rana frowned once more, her dark-golden skin contrasted against her sister's pale skin. Seeing the two stood by each other, I could see myself and Narimi in certain ways. Though the two of them were twins, while Narimi and I were not. I had inherited my aunt's eyes and short stature. Narimi had…well she looked like mother almost. "I don't know," Rana answered her. _

_A thought came to me, what if…she just thought of them or did she have to let something go? My aunt…she could not get over her guilt for she believed herself to be responsible for her husband's death. "You have to let go," I said at last, "Whatever it is that holds you back, let it go." _

_Both turned to look at me with astonishment as if they had forgotten I was even here. I did not blame them. "Rana?" My mother cried, "I forgot…what are you doing here?"_

"_I am dreaming."_

"_Am I?" She asked fearfully. _

"_No." _

_Relief swept her face. "I have to let go?...Narimi will be fine…I only regret…" Her golden gaze shot at me like a speeding arrow I could not avoid. "Do you forgive me?"_

"_There is nothing to forgive, mother," I replied with a stiff face. She needed this…_

_Mari sighed. She turned back to her sister but a peculiar look entered her eyes. "Do you hear…?" She whispered, her pale hand took a hold of her sister's. My mother started to fade right before our eyes, disappearing like a mirage. Rana was left staring at her hand which had just held her sister's. Her shadowed face glared at the empty space. _

"_You let her go," I stated, "Are you going to follow her?"_

_Rana snarled like a rabid animal. "Leave, little niece!" __My mother was gone, part of me was relieved and even sad, but part of me felt as if I were numb. I shrugged and turned to walk away, hoping to wake from this dream. _"_Wait!" __I turned back to look her desolate face. She looked utterly…alone. "Your stance has changed…"_

_I nodded. So, she had noticed…_

"_You are with the Water Tribe?"_

"_I was."_

_Her face held a glimmer of…hope?... "Tell me, did you meet a man by the name of Arata?" _

…_Arata?...That had been the name of Enlai's cousin, the one who had died to protect him. Surely the name was a common one though. I shook my head. "Are you sure?" She demanded with broiling eyes. "He is the son of Yukai and nephew of Soichi." _

_The two names were familiar with good reason. Soichi was the name of Enlai's cousin and the grandfather the child had been named after…Enlai's father. This could not be a coincidence. And Yukai was the name of her husband, the man she had killed herself for in order to be with him. Though she was not... __It all fit together like some abstract puzzle. Arata was her son! And he…he was Enlai's cousin. My aunt had married Enlai's uncle. It was like I was living her life all over again, by falling…I shook my head. I was not this woman. I had her name and necklace, but nothing more. _

"_No, I did not meet him," I said carefully, "I did meet his cousin that he died to protect." _

_A scream of fury and disbelief filled the desolate wasteland. I clapped my hands over my ears. My eyes could not leave my aunt's. There was nothing but heartbreak and hatred there now. The wind howled once more and I was lifted away, haunted by the eyes that looked exactly like mine…_

Mother had died that night in her sleep while I dreamt I found out the very next morning. A servant had found her in the morning and Narimi took the news calmly. She had been expecting for this to happen but tears still fell from her flaxen eyes. None came from me but she did not say anything about that. A small funeral was held with just the household. There were others who would have wanted to come, friends and the like. Yet Mari had lost contact with those people after the death father and Koun. She had shut herself off from the world. Her ashes were tossed into the sea by Narimi from the northern cliffs near the house and village...

* * *

_We stood at the edge, watching the grey flakes disappear into the crashing waves below. The wind whipped Narimi's hair about, but mine was bound up as usual. I wore the color of mourning with Narimi. I had not seen such a mixture of acceptance and sadness on anyone before that she had now. Green grass surrounded us on the gentle slope and the day was cloudy with sprinkles of rain. As if the weather were mourning with us… _

_It was then that I decided to tell her something I had not told her. That of Ryda's death. He had been her cousin as well as mine. It was one of those things amongst many in my telling of my past to her that I had left unmentioned. _

"_Do you think she's better off?" Narimi asked me, her gaze staring down the edge of the cliff. _

"_Yes." _

_Narimi let out a tiniest of sighs. "You're probably right." _

"_Nari…what do you know of the failed attack on the Northern Water Tribe?" I questioned her. _

_Narimi looked at me in surprise. "Not much outside of the fact that we lost. A lot of troops died, including their Admiral Zhao," She gave me a weak smile, "Chen was here at that time and was outraged that we had lost." __I had thought Zhao to be dead, but at the confirmation of his demise I felt…nothing. It was difficult to believe that after all the hatred I had had for that man. Narimi next words brought me back to the present. "Ryda was lost up there," She continued with a pained voice, "Do you remember him?"_

"_Yes." Images of Ryda rose unbidden before my eyes. His hurting golden eyes…his painful death….wondering if he had died for nothing…and those last words… _

"_He was one of my closest friends outside of being our cousin." _

_I breathed in deeply. "When I was captured there were others, but they were all dying." Narimi's face looked at me in shock with the knowledge of knowing where I was heading… "Ryda was amongst them."_

"_I was there when…" I did not say the words but plowed on, "He knew who I was."_

"_Did he…was there any pain?" She asked with her voice trembling. Her hands gripped her clothes tightly. _

_Agni forgive me, but I could not tell her that truth. "There was no pain."_

_Narimi responded simply, "At least you where there for him."_

"_He mentioned someone named Soran right before…do you know that name?" _

_Narimi have a look of careful consideration on her face that made me nervous. "Soran is…was his lover," She said at last, "They loved each other since childhood." _

"_Do you know where I can find Soran?" It was my duty to tell this woman of what had happened. It was the decent thing to do, especially for a dead man's last wish. _

"_Soran is not a...," Narimi stuttered. I looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "Soran is a man." _

…_Huh?... _

"_They grew up together. He was one of the servant's children at Ryda's home," Narimi said quickly. "I was one of the only few to know of Ryda's…preferences." _

_Most people in the Fire Nation would be disgusted at this revelation. When someone preferred members of the same sex it was thought to be an unnatural thing. I had not encountered such a thing before and did not know what to think. Narimi seemed to not be phased about it. Indeed, Ryda could not have been public with this at all. _

_I did not say anything about it. I would do my duty to this…man that Ryda had apparently loved. Ryda had been kin and that was enough for me. "Where can I find this man?" _

_Narimi looked at me carefully. "After the news of Ryda being lost in action…I took Soran in here. He had followed his parents as a servant in Ryda's home." Ryda had lived at the house that his father had grown up in and his father before him. An ancestral home, just like the one I had been born in. "Soran is also a good friend. Ryda and I used to visit at each other's homes as children." Family was important in the Fire Nation and especially to our small family._

"_May I see him?"_

_Narimi tried to hide her concern. "Of course."_

* * *

I would not have expected Soran to look the way he does when I met him. I had been raised to analyze each person to see if they could be a threat to the prince. The Society did not teach to look beyond the norm. When I saw a servant that is all I saw. It is difficult to get past such things. Soran was a beautiful man by Fire Nation standards. It was not what I was expecting. He had light hazel eyes with dark eyelashes that a woman would envy. Yet it only made him more appealing. He was of solid build, a strong face, and a graceful air. I wondered what he did to drive any women off that would think to get his attentions. "Lady Sayuri," He greeted me with a bow.

I returned the gesture with a nod. We were out in the courtyard, my favorite spot out of the entire house. I was sitting on the stone bench and gestured for him to sit with me. He shook his head a sincere smile. "There are things I cannot speak about," I said quietly, "There is something I must tell you, but the how and why are not for your knowing."

Soran raised an inquisitive eyebrow but said nothing.

"I was with Ryda when he died in the north." Soran's eyes widened and he sounded as if he were choking. It took him some minutes to regain his composure. "Ryda wanted you to know that he was sorry," I stated simply. Clearly my cousin had _loved_ this man very much. Why else would he have mentioned him on his deathbed? "And that he loves you."

Soran only stared at me. "I am sorry for your loss," I added. I know the words were not comforting, but I truly meant them. Ryda had been my kin. Soran only bowed roughly and left without another word. I tried to forget the look in his eye as he had left.

* * *

When it came to my own thoughts over the next several days, I sifted through them, trying to sort out what it was that I felt. Narimi's revelation…what I planned to do…

I decided to leave. It was time I was going. Narimi gave me some money and insisted I keep the clothes I had been given. I said goodbye to her in the courtyard, the most beloved spot for the both of us…

_Koun was at play with some child's toy, toddling about precariously on the brick ground. Narimi stood before me, her eyes holding a knowing look. "I am leaving."_

"_I figured as much," She replied with a sigh. "Will I see you again?" _

"_I do not intend to return to the Fire Nation," I answered her. She winced at the answer but did not protest. _

"_Will you be alright?"_

_I smiled at her words. "In my own way." I looked at her round stomach where she rested one hand. "Will your husband be here?" _

_She looked at where my eyes had fallen. "Yes," She said grimly, "He better be." _

_I chuckled softly. It still felt strange to laugh openly sometimes. "I have something for you." I pulled my necklace off and held it before her. "It's yours."_

"_Rana, I can't accept this," She protested. "Mother gave it to you."_

"_And her sister gave it to her," I defended, "Take it, Nari." She took the necklace into her hand stared down at it. _

"_I will give it to my daughter."_

_I bowed my head. "Thank you Nari…my time here has been peaceful."_

_Narimi threw her arms around me and held me till I swore I would suffocate. When she let me go I looked at her saddened, beautiful face. "I hope…," She paused and bit her lip, "Go in peace, little sister." _

"_As to you," I picked my bag up from the ground and looked over at little Koun, "Have a good life with happiness and love."_

"_I already have it," Narimi stated with an open smile. I knew what she hoped for me. She wanted me to find my own happiness as she had. I did not know if I could…_

_I left my childhood home with a lighter heart, for now I knew that I did have one. __No matter how much or often I tried to hide it._

* * *

A/N:Only four more chapters to go! Hard to believe (for me anyways...) Thanks for reading and please review.


	27. Insights

Chapter Twenty-Seven:

Insights

* * *

"_Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite __**horror**__ of their reality.__"_ –Edgar Allan Poe

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

It took less than a day to travel to where the Center was located. Even harder to believe that I had always been that close to my childhood home. It was on a different island, but less than a day's travel away by boat. A sensation of anxiety enticed me as I thought of confronting Master Keitaro at long last. How would the meeting go? What was I going to do?

I did not know.

Perhaps that is why I was nervous.

It was difficult to mask my presence to sneak into the Center without being detected. I had learned from the best though. It was ironic that I should be using what they had taught me to sneak into their own place. It was here at long last I would see my teacher again. The man who had raised me. Trained me. It was he who had raised me to be without feeling. It was Master Keitaro, brother-in-law to my cousin Reizo who had been bodyguard to Lord Iroh. I did not think about Lord Iroh, or tried not to. _He was a traitor…just like I am._ Keitaro's sister whom he had named me after, _Nira_. She had died giving birth to the current Guardian, Keiya. Nira had been a bodygaurd and had married Reizo in secret. Their history I had learned from a combination of Lord Iroh and ironic enough the Guardian herself.

It is a sad and wasteful story. I only knew Master Keitaro and had only met the Guardian once, not even knowing she is my cousin by blood. Now…now I would learn the whole truth…

He entered the midnight hallway, walking confidently as he always had. Master Keitaro did not know I was here…I declared in a cool tone, "Tell me, how does the one who was the _Guardian _fall to this?" He had lost his position, but a Guardian only lost it upon death. _Why not with him?_

He halted and peered about sharply with his eyes. I stayed hidden in the shadows, waiting. "Reveal yourself," Keitaro ordered calmly, but there was hidden danger in that statement.

I slipped out behind him and he turned around, ready to fight. Weak firelight from the torches danced across us. The hallway reminded me of Fire Nation ship's hallways. Small, narrow. Except for the pale red stone. Sanguine like blood…

Master Keitaro had not changed except for the heaver lines on his face. Grey hairs were more vibrant in his top-knotted hair. The look on his face was a perfect look of composure and control. It was his eyes, shrewdly intelligent, that widened, revealing his surprise. He observed me while I had done the same to him. "Nira…" He said quietly, "I knew you would return."

He had believed me to still be alive? I kept my distance, remaining on my guard. "I have only came to take care of some unfinished business."

"What happened to you in the North?"

"I was captured."

A small frown grew between his dark eyebrows. "You escaped then," he stated, but it was more of a request asking me to tell him what had happened. Why was I here now and not with the prince?

A tiny contrary smile grew on my lips. "I learned why I am not a firebender as I should have been, "I said capriciously, "I am a waterbender." There it was. Now I was a dead woman walking.

Keitaro, masterful as he always had been, maintained that perfect look of clarity. "You're grandmother was Water Tribe," He remarked finally, "I should have considered that." _He had know my grandmother to be Water Tribe?_ "Are you one of them now?"

I looked at him coldly. He had raised me _not_ to feel. How could a person raise a child in such a way? I still conflicted with my emotions, but at least I had begun to recognize them. "I know who I am now," I answered him icily, "No thanks to you."

Keitaro's face at last revealed a spark of feeling, anger and _hurt?_"You are Nira," He said with some emotion. That was not like him. "of the Society, bodyguard to the Crown Prince."

"How could you raise me like you did?" I accused, glaring at him like the coldest winter. I could not help the rising serpent that rose within me. All of my resentment and anger. "You made me _heartless_."

"You always had a heart," He replied harshly, his dark eyes were on fire, "I only wanted to protect you from the same fate as your kin and that of my own sister!"

"You never told me their stories. I learned them on my own!"

"I know," Master Keitaro claimed, returning to his calm mask, "I thought it was for the best."

"Well, you were wrong," I said bitterly. I realized that I sounded like my aunt in those words. I made my voice become placid. "How did you lose your position as Guardian?"

Keitaro's lips quivered between a shadowed smile and a grimace. "Because I protected those I cared for instead of following the rules." He looked at me with a silent plea. "I did not want the same for you."

"How did Keiya become the Guardian?"

"That is not my story to tell," He answered immediately.

I made a noise of disbelief.

"You have changed," Master Keitaro commented, "Why have you returned?"

"As I said before _master_, I have unfinished business."

His eyes shifted in thought. "I suppose you do not want me to report this…incident?"

I was surprised at this. I would have expected him to turn me in. For what I am and for my betrayal. Master Keitaro, the sticking to the rulebook kind. Who would have known he had lost his position because he had tossed the rulebook out the window? "That would be nice," I admitted neutrally. I turned to leave, disappearing into the shadows. It was then…

"Nira, wait!" Master Keitaro called out. I turned to see him reaching out with one hand. He immediatly dropped it to his side. A twinge of _regret_ was in his eyes. "I…do care," He said as if in pain to be admitting he had no desire to, which he was. "I have no child. I thought of you as my own."

Something squeezed my throat tightly. Ah…remorse, but of my own. "Thank you for telling me," I replied. In a way, I always had known it, but it had not surfaced before. I looked at his troubled face, struggling to control himself. It was the very first time and last time I had ever seen him this way. "Goodbye, Master Keitaro." How strange it was that I would see him again very soon…

* * *

I was approaching one of the hidden exits out of the Center. Cautious and on the alert in case Master Keitaro decided to change his mind. When I felt a presence behind me to late and a firm hand grabbing me on the shoulder, I whirled around with Huyu's knife and stabbed my assailant. Just as I had been taught to do. The Society and Master Keitaro had trained me to do such. It was an automatic reaction.

It took me a moment to process _who_ I had stabbed. _"No!"_ I screamed in my head. "_This could not be. He was supposed to be safe!"_ Genji's shocked ethereal eyes looked down at me as he fell down to his knees. My arms caught him as he did. I looked at where I had stabbed him and knew…just as he did when his eyes went there. How did he come to be here? Why now? _Why here?!_

Blood, sanguine like the hallway, was shining on my hands as I sought to pressure the wound. The white wrappings that I used on my left hand were soaked with his blood. Genji's eyes were still shocked as his face became paler. "I found you," He whispered, "Told you I was coming with you."

I tried not to look at his eyes. I put my hand on the knife to pull it out. "Don't!" Genji commanded. One hand pushed mine away weakly. "Not yet." If I did, he would lose blood more quickly, but I was going to stop it. I was going to _save_ him. But I knew the thought to be futile.

I...I had stabbed him with the knife made by his own brother's hands_. "Well, you can't waterbend where you're going so you might need it."_ Huyu's deep voice echoed in my mind_. "Might come in handy." _I winced at the sound of his voice. _All of my fault._ Genji's wound as not the kind that could be healed. It was the kind that would take…hours before he would be allowed to die. _Why…why did he follow me_?

I knew the answer.

Genji's face was cramped with pain, but his eyes did not leave mine. "Too bad neither of us are healers," He said with a moan. How come he was not cursing me with his breath?! I…I…

"I am sorry!" I almost cried. How could I have done this? He is my _friend!_

Genji's face was thoughtful. "I figured. You're face spoke it all." Blood started to bubble from his lips, looking even darker against this dark skin.

"I did not mean to."

Genji coughed. "I didn't think I'd return to the Water Tribe. Guess I was right…" His eyes looked at me. "I need you to end it soon."

I clenched my jaw. A mercy killing. Part of me was horrified and wanted to refuse. But it was my fault and I had been trained to do such measures. I bowed my head.

"Rana," Genji croaked hoarsely, "Kiss me."

I did.

When I looked at his tortured eyes there was a semblance of peace. "Tell Huyu…it was for you." I knew what he meant. I let out a long breath. "Do you think…you could have?" I was not able to look away from his eyes.

"Yes."

Genji eyes were more joyful then I had seen them before. "Do it." My bloodstained hands took the knife out. Its pale bone was quenched with his blood. Genji let a noise of pain but remained quiet till the light left his eyes.

Blood was everywhere.

On me, the ground, and in my vision.

I had _killed_ him. My own friend. The first time I had killed anyone..._Genji...._He had _loved_ me. In the end, all he had wanted was the confirmation that _something_ could have existed between us. I had _lied._

I stared in horror at my bloody hands.

A sharp blow to my head took me into the darkness. I was relieved to be in its embrace…

* * *

A/N: I apologize if I was too graphic with the character death. Thanks for reading and please review.


	28. Endings

Chapter Twenty-Eight:

Endings

* * *

"_I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity."_–Gilda Radner

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

When I became conscious it was done with a hope that it had been a bad dream. I would wake up and Genji would be _alive_. I was only fooling myself. The fact still remained that he was now _dead_.

I had killed him.

The part that made me want wanted to laugh hysterically like a madman was that I had ditched him at the Earth Kingdom port so he would be safe. And…and that the first person I had ever killed was my own _friend_.

I did not blame him entirely for following me. Love makes people do stupid things, just as I had now witnessed. How had he found me at the Center? The place is not exactly open to public knowledge. I would never get to know that answer for it had gone with him. It was that thought that brought me crashing back down to reality. I pushed away my guilt and horror as I opened my eyes to observe the cell I had expected to see.

Small. Barely enough room to walk. Becoming gray rock. No windows. Iron bars.

A typical cell.

I sat up and felt dizzy. The tiny room spun around me in a gray blur. I really needed to stop making it a habit of bashing my head in. Otherwise I might end of up like that oaf Sokka. That prospect did not humor me. The smallness of the room did not help. I felt as if I could not breathe! Yet the room I had shared with Hayase and Asako on the ship had not been much bigger… I did a breathing exercise. The cell returned to its size in my vision. The thought of Hayase struck a pin in the hollow of my chest.

I _missed _her. Even Asako. Master Pakku. My training. I _missed _my life there. Dreams of them had come to me while had stayed with Narimi. The thought of Huyu only led to the thought of Genji. Would he hate me? But Genji had meant for me to tell Huyu that he had died _for _me. What a cruel lie. Perhaps not for him or for his brother. I was the one who knew the truth and would not have Huyu's hatred if I told the lie. But I deserved to have his eyes, the same as Genji's, glaring at me with hatred. I knew I did not truly desire that, but I had killed Genji.

_I am a murder!_

What would Enlai say? His dark blue eyes seemed to stare at me now. _"You didn't mean to, Sayuri," his voice said in my mind, "Don't let this destroy you. Not after all the progress you have made!"_ He was not here, I knew that. It was only my imagination. The comfort and confirmation that had existed in his non-existent voice had still brought an uneasy peace to me. Hours were spent with my tormented and turbulent thoughts…

* * *

Eventually someone came at long last. I was sitting on the single bench in the cell. My clothes had been changed when I was unconscious and strangely to one of the outfits Narimi had given me. My bag was nowhere to be seen. My right hand lacked the wrappings I had worn. Before they had been soaked with blood…

Now I hid my disfigured hand from my sight. There was a single door on the other side of the room, outside of the iron bars. It closed shut with a quiet click as Keitaro entered the room. He walked over to the bars and looked at me with his dark eyes. "Who was he?" He asked coldly.

I stayed sitting and watched his dark eyes. "A friend."

"Why did you kill him?"

I bowed my head in shame. "It…it was an accident," I responded, unable to keep the mixture of guilt and revulsion leaking into my voice. "You trained me well." Slowly I looked up at Keitaro's unmoving gaze. "What did you do with him?"

"His remains have been burnt in the fire, as is tradition."

I did not know how the Water Tribe took care of their deceased. I was quite sure that our way would not be…suitable to them. Fire was not their element. "He was not Fire Nation," Keitaro continued calmly, "Was he Water Tribe?"

"It does not matter now," I replied tensely, "He is dead."

"The Guardian will not be pleased with your answer," Keitaro warned. His dark eyes revealed nothing.

"What is to become of me?"

Keitaro's face twitched for a sliver of a second. It was as if our conversation before had not occurred, where he had from his perspective poured his heart out. "I do not know. It is up to the Guardian." He spoke to me as if he did not know me. As if I was an enemy almost. Keitaro left the room without another word.

I sat there in the unfeeling cell. I thought of Genji. Narimi. Even my…the prince. But mostly, my thoughts drifted towards _Enlai_.

* * *

I do not know how long was in that cell for. I slept when I had need and exercised as much I could as the space would warrant. Seven different meals of boring simplicity were brought to me by a silent man. I did not attempt to speak to him nor him to me. He was of good build, but plain faced. He had been trained by the Society, that much was evident. I was surprised when the man came without a meal the eighth time I saw him. He opened the iron door to my cell without a word. I stood up immediately, ready to fight…

Of course, I had no weapon and with my crippled right hand…I was not much of an opponent. There was no water nearby and I did not plan on waterbending. There was a hope that Keitaro had not revealed that. The man shook his head and beckoned me to follow.

He ended up leading me to the western wall. I had only been here once…when I had met the Guardian. A midday sun greeted my eyes. The light hurt them, making them water instantaneously. My eyes had grown used to the weak torchlight of the cell. I ascended up the gray stone stairs. The man had left me at the bottom. There was no possible way to escape. They are some of the best at what they do after all. It was like the same before in an eerie way I came upon the Guardian at the top.

She wore similar midnight clothing as to the one time I had met her years ago. The same short hair cut. She leaned up against the stone ledge, staring out at the green ridges that encased the Center. Keiya was unchanged, at least to in my eyes. She had that same beautiful, but deadly air about her person. I approached her precariously and bowed. "There is no need for formalities," Her silken voice purred. Keiya's light golden gaze analyzed me as she looked in my direction. "Now that you know the truth, cousin."

I looked at her startled. So Keitaro had told her than, but how much? "You have changed very much," She went on with a tilt of her head, "You were planning on leaving the Fire Nation for good…you did not intend to return to the Crown Prince. Why?"

I turned myself away from her searching eyes. "I am not who I was. I have found a life outside of this one." I looked back at Keiya. She smiled like a pleased predator.

"Interesting," She mused with a humored tone, "That is _very_ interesting."

She was unpredictable…something that I did not like about her for she made me feel like a turtle duck she could step on without any secondary thought. I stared up at her with what I hoped was a brave look. "What do you plan to do with me?"

Keiya grinned across her beautiful face. The look was not a comforting one. "What do you think I should do with you?" She questioned me in return.

"As the Guardian, you should have me imprisoned or killed for my betrayal," I stated. My eyes did not leave hers. "But as a woman who once loved, you should let me go."

I almost jumped at the sound of Keiya's honeyed laugh. She lifted her head back and laughed loudly. "Daring at last! You were so quiet and obedient the last time I saw you. Look at you now, all bristled to fight for your freedom."

I did not respond, but waited for she would speak again.

"Love is a dangerous thing. Do you still want it, even if it can destroy you?" She asked quietly. Her golden eyes gleamed with a peculiar shine.

"I will do what I want," I answered her neutrally; "I make my _own_ path."

"If I let you go, you know what that means?"

I nodded.

Keiya grinned dangerously. "I did not think you would be one to rebel. I suppose my estimation of you was mistaken." She casually gestured toward the stairs. "You are free to leave."

"My belongings?"

"Ah, yes." Keiya pulled something out of her clothing. It was my…the necklace Enlai had made for me! "This is an interesting necklace," She noted. She _knew _what it meant. Keiya tossed it at me and I caught it with ease. "I hope he is worth it." She added softly, but instantly returned to her cool airs. "A man will be at the bottom of the stairs with the rest of your things. He will escort you out of the Center."

I bowed and headed for the stairs. "Nira?" I turned to look back at the Guardian. "See him and then leave. Do not come back to the Fire Nation. Ever." I nodded and left without another word. Keiya meant every word she had said. I wondered if she had once been different for she clearly felt little now. If at all. Only one thing awaited me now in the Fire Nation...I would see him one last time and after that…

I still did not know how this would end.

* * *

A/N: Sorry for such a short chapter. I have them all planned out to end it at thirty, so the next two might be on the shorter side as well. Another apology to make for I noticed a mistake I made in the last chapter. In the very last part I wrote that the wrappings on her _left _hand were soaked with blood. I meant to write her right hand. Sorry for the mistake! And as I always write, thanks for reading and _please review!_


	29. The Last Meeting

Chapter Twenty-Nine:

The Last Meeting

* * *

"_And in my hour of darkness, she is standing there right in front of me. Speaking words of wisdom. Let it be."_ –The Beatles, _Let It Be_

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

After I left the Center, it was with a new determination that I did not know I had. Though the events that had passed there would be with a certain regret and self-horror, I would move on. I have struggled and fought to find out _who_ I am and _what_ it is that _I want_. Everything I have gone through could not not have been for nothing!

I am not going to give that up.

Never.

The only place I had left to go was to the Royal Palace. This destination…this encounter, left me more shaken and anxious then any of the others had…

* * *

It only took several days to get there by boat. I knew the secret ways of the palace for I had learnt them as a child. It was with ease that I slipped in the Royal Palace without anyone being the wiser. Unusual feelings and recollections raced through my mind as I travelled its halls. _It felt strange to be here once again._ It was in a certain hallway that I turned onto, after having come from a discreet servant's entrance. It was there that I saw _him_…

His back was faced to me, but I could recognize him from any angle. His ebony hair had grown back for it was now in a top-knot. He wore grander armor then I had seen him wear before and…someone was in the process of _kissing_ him. When they pulled apart, it took me a moment to place the pale faced lady. _Mai_. I knew her. She was one of the two friends of Princess Azula. The quiet one. I had liked her as a child for she had left me alone in the yearly visits I had made. Something in the hollow in my chest screamed as I went back into the servant's passageway. He would come to his chamber eventually, so that is where I headed.

* * *

The room was dark. Silent.

I remembered the days when I had entered it on my visits to the Royal Palace. My…the prince was a young and innocent youth. For awhile he had tried to have me as a playmate. _His playful smile…_I shook myself away from the memories and returned to the task at hand. He would come eventually, for this was his bedroom after all.

Only minutes later the door opened, sending bright light from the hallway into the room. The outlined figure of my…the prince entered the room, casually lighting the room with his firebending. He halted halfway through the room. He _knew_ someone was here. I slipped out from my hiding place and bowed low. My hands were trembling. I cannot convey how I felt when had entered the room. In the hallway before I had…

The strongest emotions I felt now were of mingled joy and grief. The hollow in my chest echoed with the beats of my desperate heart. He spoke first, a name that was no longer me stumbling from his lips in disbelief, "Nira?" I glanced up to see him coming towards me with quick strides. Suddenly I found myself held in his arms tightly as he said, "You're _alive!_ I thought you had died!"

"Apparently I am hard to kill, Your Highness," I replied with a stiff humor. At that, he released me and took a step back to look down at me properly. I could tell he had been astonished by his reaction to me and to my attempted humor. The way he had his hair up in a top-knot complimented the sharp angles of his face. Right there I saw a _glimpse_ of the prince I had known as a child. His eyes were shocked and pleased, even lighted with a distinct joy. He…he was _happy _to see that I was alive!

"What happened to you?"

"I was captured, Your Highness."

He took a step towards me and put two solid hands on my shoulders. His flaxen eyes looked directly at my own. "And you found your way back to me. You kept your oath."

I flinched at that. I had not kept my oath. I had broken it already and was going to do so again once more. He had surprised me by touching me at all. Something about him had changed, that much I could tell. Was it because he had killed the Avatar? There was something hardened about him before to hide his pain, but now…it was blatant, along with his confusion.

I took a step back at his words, unable to look at his face. Somehow I had not imagined this as a _painful_ experience. "No, Your Highness," I corrected him carefully, "I have come to say goodbye."

When I looked back at him there was _resentment _and_ hurt?_ His golden eyes burned like his element. "So, you are betraying me just like uncle did," He intoned darkly.

I had heard about Lord Iroh with disbelief, but hearing it from his lips made it real to me. Lord Iroh loved His Highness like his own son. I wondered what the real story was, but it was no longer a concern of mine. I told myself that over and over in my head like a chant. "If that is how you choose to see it, Your Highness," I said rather tartly.

He turned his back to me and walked forward several steps. A guilty silence hung onto every second that passed. "Why did you return," He asked me, each word inflamed with silent fury, "If only to leave?" He turned his head back towards me.

I would not ever have told him part of what was that truth. Duty had called me to at least return to relieve myself from my oath, but it was more than that._ It…it always had been._ This was something I had not ever openly admitted to myself. I could not have afforded too. Yet he _saw_ it there in my eyes and knew it at last. I turned my head away in shame, unable to confront those eyes. "How long have you felt this way?" He queried, but there was no trace of mockery.

I still did not look at his face. The floor below me was suddenly very interesting. "I…I realized it that night after you went after the Avatar, when he had been captured by Zhao," I answered him in a hushed tone. That had been months ago. Things have changed so much. I finally looked back up at him.

A small part of me still imagined of what we could have been, but it _never_ could have been to begin with. That longing was at last crushed from what I saw in his face then. There was anger. Hurt. Even pity perhaps.

But nothing more than that.

Our relationship had always followed the rules. Maybe...we could have been friends, but nothing more. The cavity in my chest felt desperately empty like a cave.

"You've changed," He stated at last.

"As have you, Your Highness," I retorted.

His eyes narrowed but his next words were hard and smooth, "What happened to you?"

"I found who I am," I explained, "and…where I belong_._" Something ignited in his eyes at this, even making him turn back around to entirely face me. He was confused, even lost, I realized. What had happened to him? Part of me ached to take action to help him, but yet again this that was no longer my responsibility. "I am leaving the Fire Nation," I continued, "and am not coming back."

His beautiful face snarled. "You're a _traitor._" I had had nightmares of him saying those exact words. In person, it was more painful than those dreams. They could not even compare. I noticed his eyes taking note of my crippled hand. I did not have any wrappings on it. My right hand, deformed and useless. I ignored it and his eyes.

It took me much strength to say these next words. "Goodbye, Your Highness." I bowed and started to walk to the door.

Right when my left hand was on the door handle, he called out the name I no longer claimed. I looked back to his familiar pained face. "Don't leave me," He said in a quiet command. It was more of a…_plea_…The hollow in my chest was heavy and my throat tightened as if he were strangling me. I could not help him. He was on his own…he was no longer _my charge_. Those two singular words....

I had not called him that in my mind for months.

_....My charge..._

Once they had been a formality, a way to keep me from becoming too attached. Yet they had turned into something more for me. _My charge_. Strange that even now they held such meaning to me. That was probably the reason I had avoided thinking them for so long. "I am sorry, Your Highness," I responded, but the regret was plain in my words. He looked at me with disbelief. It quickly turned to a look of resentment. "I hope…" I did not need to finish the sentence. Had Narimi not said something so similar to me only days ago?

"You _hope_ what?" He growled. The flames on the torches in the room began to become higher.

"That you find what it is you need to be _happy_," I stated simply, "For you to find what I have found."

The light flamed in the room as he yelled, "I hate you!" There was something in his eyes, in his face, I could not comprehend. He had _everything_ he had wanted before: his crown, his father's favor…he even had someone. What was wrong with him?

I…my sister's observation to me about him had been correct. I was still…in _love_ with him. He knew that now and his wrathful face saw it as I looked back at him. His last words had sliced at me; cutting at the hollow in my chest…I bowed my head. "Take care, Your Highness."

Then I left.

My feet had wanted to stay and other words had wanted to spring fourth. They would have been useless though. I knew that.

And…Enlai is waiting for me.

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A/N: At last she meets Zuko one last time! Does he seem to out of character? This is before he's taken off to join Aang and the day of black sun, so he still has that hatred thing going on. I hope I got it alright. Thanks for reading and please review!


	30. Epilogue

-Epilogue-

"_Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, __**some distant day**__."_ –Rainer Rilke, _Letters to a Young Poet_

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

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_-Several Months Later-_

It was on one of the smaller and more forgettable islands of the Fire Nation where a young woman screamed in childbirth. Here in her ancestral home, smaller than other noble houses, but _her _home that she endured this trial. Narimi had given birth once before, but it did not make this time any more pleasant. She held Chen's hand with such a tight grip she swore he might lose it. She looked at his pale face and thought he looked like he would faint. Brown curly hair was astray from its top-knot. A new scar was slashed across his left cheekbone. A souvenir from the Earth Kingdom. It was his dark amber eyes, almost a brown shade, set in slanted eyes that gave her the strength she needed.

Another scream ripped through her throat. A squalling cry greeted the room as her child at last came into the world. Narimi's head fell against her pillow in exhaustion. "A girl!" She heard the healer woman declare distantly. She closed her eyes; relieved it was at last over…

Narimi felt another tirade of pain sweep over her body. She gasped. "You're carrying twins!" The healer cried.

It would take another two hours, granting Narimi a sore throat afterwards and Chen almost losing his fingers to bring their second son into the world. Narimi fell into an exhausted sleep afterwards, but awoke to her husband's loving gaze. "Do you want to see them?"

She nodded and with his help he took her across the room. Their daughter and son slept in one cradle. Koun's old one actually. They would have to get another one soon. Narimi was not surprised by the red roughness of her newborns. That would go away soon enough. "He has my eyes," Chen stated proudly, softly caressing his son's sleeping face. "He's so much smaller then Koun was."

"That's because there was two of them inside of me," Narimi informed him, holding his other hand. Chen kissed her lightly on the forehead. It is traditional for the father to name the son by Fire Nation edict. "What are you going to name him?" Narimi asked amiably.

Chen smiled broadly. "Ryda, after your cousin."

Chen did not know of Ryda's secret, but Narimi was not going to change that. Chen had loved the man as a friend in that ignorance. "That's a good name," She said warmly. Narimi's attention drifted to her sleeping daughter. Her only daughter. She almost gasped when the eyes opened on her babe's tiny face.

Blue eyes.

The same shade as her sister's. She looked back at Chen to see his amused, but curious face as well. "I had a similar reaction," He remarked jovially, "Do you know where those eyes came from?"

"My sister," Narimi replied in wonderment, "Only certain females in the family get them." Narimi carefully picked up her petite daughter. She was surprised the child was not wailing with hunger. Chen wrapped an arm around her as they both stared down at the infant.

Narimi felt a tingling sensation at the idea that her child could _possibly be as her sister is_. She thought of Rana often and prayed for her. She hoped that she was happy, wherever she was. "Rana," Narimi said at last, "After my sister." Chen knew of her sister dying as a child, not the different truth as she had learned a few months ago.

"Rana," He repeated, accepting the unusual syllables. It was not Fire Nation and he clearly knew that. "It suits her," He beamed with another kiss on his wife's head. Rana then decided to cry, which proceeded to wake up her younger brother. Ryda started to cry out his little lungs as well. Narimi looked down at the familiar weight of Koun attaching himself to her leg. He stared back up at her with a grumpy face. Chen picked him up and Koun giggled.

Narimi smiled in pure content.

* * *

Around the same time in the Fire Nation, but on one of the most significant islands, where the Royal Palace, two _men_ stood before a crowd. They were placed on the coronation platform. One indeed did look like a man while the other a young boy. The crowd was a gathering of Water Tribe, Earth Kingdom, and Fire Nation. Most had fought together on the Day of Black Sun.

The young boy was the Avatar.

The young man was the soon to be Fire Lord.

Both had once been enemies, yet now they were _friends_.

Both had struggled once to know _who_ they were. One much more recent than the other.

The young man spoke to the crowd of the long road before them. He declared it to now be an era of _peace_ and _love_. The crowd from all three nations roared in approval.

The war was at long last over.

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_At a small village of the Southern Pole, a small womanly figure stood near the water's edge. Looking in the direction of the Fire Nation..._

A golden sun was setting in a vibrant sky. Just like the color _his_ eyes…A regret still lingered, perhaps it always…

The thought vanished when I felt a strong pair of arms wrap around me. "I think we'll return to the North," Enlai said in my ear, "Before…" I knew his gaze was on my flat stomach. That would start to change soon, I thought wryly. It was difficult for me to believe that a life was growing there. I touched the necklace on my throat with my left hand.

When I had returned, Enlai had married me as soon as Hayase had helped me to understand what was wrong with me. The ceremony had been straightforward. Simple. I liked it that way. Thank Agni Pakku had not been here to berate Enlai. Apparently he had left for the Earth Kingdom only weeks after my own departure. Asako was now blooming in health for her husband had returned weeks ago. His companion had returned as well. Apparently others scattered throughout the Southern Pole will be traveling here over the next few weeks. They are going to rebuild their city. A pity I will not be here to see it....Enlai yearns to return to the Northern Tribe.

Sometimes my thoughts went to the Fire Nation and those I had left there. One with regret for what I had done to him…he was praised as a hero here. I had kept my promise to him. Huyu had not spoken a word since the news of Genji's death. Not one. And as for the one other I regretted…I hoped he had found his own way. Part of me would…would always _love_ him. But that part was hidden and minute. The cavity in my chest quaked because of something..._else..._

Enlai would say those three words at times. He had not resented me at all when I had returned. I knew I did not deserve his love. I had not returned those words to him. Not even _once_…I turned my head to look up at his dark blue eyes that I _love_. They shined with _love for me_. My heart felt as if it were in my throat. "Enlai…?"

"Yes, little lily?" He responded fondly. He grinned in his teasing manner. Dark hair draped around his face, tickling the back of my neck as well. It was now or never...

"I…I love you," I blurted out quickly. Enlai's smile widened on his dark face. He kissed me on my forehead and then on my lips. The kiss was not chaste to say the least. When I had caught my breath, I looked at him expectantly. Was he not going to say something?

Enlai noticed this and looked bemused by it. "I know, Sayuri," He said quietly, but every word was full with his love, "But thank you for saying it. I thought I might never hear it." Enlai than took my crippled hand which I had in my usual wrappings. Slowly he removed it and kissed each ruined finger lightly. I could only stand shocked as he did this. He did not ever touch this hand...I would not have let him. The cavity in my chest disappeared, leaving…._wholeness…_In Enlai's arms I am safe. The world makes sense. Enlai _is_ my _reason_. I…truly love him. I just had been too stubborn to realize it when he had first told me.

_I love him_.

It seems to soar like a song in my being. It is declared at last and every fiber within me hums. Yet there is not only that...

I know who I am now.

I know where I belong.

For the first time in my life, I am_..._

_Truly...Completely...Happy..._

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A/N: It is finished...I am almost sad that I ended it, but in a good way. A special thanks to DarkBluexx who has been my number one reader and reviewer! I am already working on the first chapter for a prequel, for the story of Keiya. It is going to be a short miniseries. The title is My Truth. There is a possibility of a sequel, dealing with the children of Narimi and Rana. I am not sure about it yet.

Just on an interesting side note for anyone who cares, my plans for this ending had originally been different. My original plan had been for Rana to encounter Zuko at Ba Sing Se and for her to die there. Than of course, I had not yet created Enlai or Genji. Once I had, they had protested against that. There was also the fact that after all the growth she had been through, what a waste to just die! Also the quotation did inspire the title for this story by the way.

I have also wondered if anyone noticed the peculiar way that Rana/Sayuri, Keiya, and Keitaro talked? Outside of the characters from the show (much of the dialogue in the early chapters were from the show) and my other OCs?

Now that this the end, I would like to say thanks for reading and please review to make me feel good! :)


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